tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5547479290499038449.post4634890988025927946..comments2023-11-02T04:40:03.661-05:00Comments on Fertile Hope: Mother's DayUnknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5547479290499038449.post-84988340385304977252007-05-19T09:36:00.000-05:002007-05-19T09:36:00.000-05:00I was thinking about trying to write a post like t...I was thinking about trying to write a post like this for mother's day, but now I'm so glad that I didn't, because you said it all.<BR/><BR/>A dear friend of mine lost her twins around 20 weeks a few weeks before mother's day. Because the losses occurred a couple of days apart, her son was considered a miscarriage, and has no legal documentation, whereas her daughter has a birth certificate and a death certificate (dated three hours apart). Does that make her mother to a daughter but not a son? These designations are just so arbitrary and unsatisfactory.<BR/><BR/>I'm sorry about your loss.Sarahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02747382929049494704noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5547479290499038449.post-56724055015196467362007-05-18T08:29:00.000-05:002007-05-18T08:29:00.000-05:00Wow, I feel like I could have written that post, e...Wow, I feel like I could have written that post, except you said it much better than I could have. Our lives have had similar paths.<BR/><BR/>On mother's day I was on a cruise and given a carnation for mother's day. Even though they gave flowers to all women on the trip, I didn't know how to feel. <BR/><BR/>If people ask if I am a mom and I say yes, then I have to explain I lost my baby before ever naming him. If I say no, people want to know when we will start trying and I feel like I am denying my first baby. There is no good answer in these situations. Although I do not wish my pain on anyone, I am glad there are people like you who understand.Rachelhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09708675281321049193noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5547479290499038449.post-86807253703496575642007-05-16T19:55:00.000-05:002007-05-16T19:55:00.000-05:00This really was a compelling and moving entry. For...This really was a compelling and moving entry. For what it's worth, in my mind you are most definitely a mother. No question. You conceived a child. You loved him. You lost him. You are Gabriel's mother. And this might sound weird, but I am really looking forward to meeting him in heaven. "Gabriel?! You're my friend Trish's son! It's so good to finally meet you!"<BR/><BR/>my thoughts, fwtw<BR/>I love you, Trish.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5547479290499038449.post-67360088609187071592007-05-15T15:32:00.000-05:002007-05-15T15:32:00.000-05:00first, I love how you are able to convey emotion w...first, I love how you are able to convey emotion with your words. You moved me.<BR/><BR/>second, I am very curious as to how other people define what being a mother is.<BR/><BR/>Gabriel was real, alive for a brief moment and then died, and yet he will be loved for a lifetime; your lifetime and David's. I think that is being a mother.<BR/><BR/>I don't think that a mother that has a child die at the age of 5, 13, 21 or 30 then stops being a mother. You still have loved that child. You still had dreams for your child...wether out of the womb or out in the world. I think to me, you are a mother. You have had the experiance that most mother's fear...you lost your child. That feeling can't be ignored or labeled with something else. You loved, you still love, you are still a mother. Just in a different form...but the name is still the same.<BR/>And I hope to be with you in spirit when your next child reaches his arms to you and calls you mom.<BR/>I love you.Oshhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06797045846322293828noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5547479290499038449.post-91832336576556218112007-05-15T10:45:00.000-05:002007-05-15T10:45:00.000-05:00Wow--this was an amazing entry. I don't know--in ...Wow--this was an amazing entry. I don't know--in my world, there's more to mothering than squeezing out a baby. It's a restructuring of thought--and when you felt that responsibility and fell in love with Gabriel--you became a mother. Or maybe even before that moment. I think when you're putting yourself through treatments, putting that not-yet child before yourself, you are becoming a mother. Holding the baby is just a continuation of those thoughts and feelings. And not every woman feels that connection to their child or goes through that restructuring of thought. They're still placing themselves first or not considering the needs of the child. And it's a certain kind of unfairness that places that woman as a mother and one who is trying to hard to parent is not considered a mother. And loss can't take away that status--you are a mother, even if our society has structured itself in such a way that they're not going to recognize that loss or honour you on a certain day of the year. I'm so sorry about Gabriel, sweetie.Lollipop Goldsteinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01020874415819057995noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5547479290499038449.post-16708587906765888112007-05-15T10:03:00.000-05:002007-05-15T10:03:00.000-05:00Trish - that is an amazingly compelling entry and ...Trish - that is an amazingly compelling entry and I could not agree more. On mother's day DH and I went to Wal.Mart where they were handing out free flower bouquets to moms. As we walked up to the checkout the cashier said. "Happy mother's day if you are a mom." I smiled said "Thanks, but I am not." Then she said "Well if you have animals, then you are pretty much a mom." I wanted to say "Well I have 2 dogs so give me my damn flowers." But I didn't. I was with you...in the corner with a fake smile trying not to cry. <BR/>((HUGS))Nicholehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01897510280288314268noreply@blogger.com