I'm feeling much, much better. Wednesday was ugly. Thursday was not much better. I was actually pretty surprised how much pain I was in. This was worse than my C section with Robbie. Now, I was very distracted by bigger concerns than physical pain after my C section, so maybe my perspective is off, but really. I could get comfortable in bed after he was born. Sure, coughing or laughing or well... moving.. hurt, but at least there was a point that I could be out of pain. I did not have that on Wednesday or Thursday. Everything hurt all the time.
After Robbie was born, my nurses all seemed to think I was odd because I kept refusing the narcotics. I refused to even take the prescription for them after my knee surgery several years ago. Wednesday afternoon I was laying in bed asking David when I could have more. I really don't think I'm a wimp about pain (that's not to brag on myself. I'm a complete baby when I have a fever. Seriously, I get to 99 and I'm pathetic. But physical pain I can usually handle fine.) but I was a mess.
In hindsight, I really should have made arrangements for Robbie to be somewhere else. David was fairly good about taking care of him, but he would still come in and want "Up!?" and I'd have to say no. David would try to pick him up and Robbie would push him away. You could see the frustration. I didn't ask for Daddy to pick me up. I asked for mommy. Now go away and leave me be! Towards the end of the day, you could tell that David was just out of steam. He'd been traveling for work, arriving home about 1am. We had to be at the hospital at 7:30. Suffice it to say, he wasn't super attentive. We would have all benefited from a good babysitter.
Fortunately by Friday things were improving. This morning was even better. Today was a narcotic free today. My biggest complaint of today is that my largest incision is itching like crazy. I keep reminding myself that means healing, but I daydream about gouging my skin off. I mean, I have Percocet left, why let them go to waste?
In other news, we are attending our first NICU reunion tomorrow. I have no idea what to expect and hope that it goes okay. While I am feeling much better, I'm not sure how long that will last. We went out to dinner tonight and I actually fell asleep on the 20 minute drive home. The pain has improved, but I'm definitely not at 100%. The reunion is also at 1:00 which is squarely in the middle of Robbie's normal nap time. My plan is to go early and not stay too long, but we'll see. I don't really know what to expect. I just really want to see everyone. We've been to the NICU several times, most recently on Robbie's adjusted birthday to take some cupcakes, but it's very hit or miss about catching anyone there, and the unit is now very enclosed with all private rooms, so visiting just isn't easy. Hoping to catch up with some of our saviors and our fellow survivors.
As if that's not all exciting enough, we're trying to tube-wean Robbie again. I put him down tonight and told him "no more tubes. You have to drink like a big boy now." His eating continues to slowly improve, but drinking just eludes us. His diet still consists mainly of crunchables and purees, but it gets the job done. Drinking, however, is completely unreliable. He might pick up a cup and drink an ounce or two of water a few days in a row, but then he won't touch one again for another week or two. He seems to have more interest in an open cup than anything else, but inevitably dumps it too far, chokes himself and then refuses to touch one again for 2 weeks. He loves to stir our drinks with a spoon or a straw and then lick it, but no actual drinking.
The last time we tried, he refused to drink for a day, but then slowly increased. But as soon as I started to top him off a little, he completely stopped again. Had I been calculating his purees into his daily liquid intake, I wouldn't have topped him off, but I didn't know that "counted." So I'm trying again. I'm trying not to make a big deal of it. Pressure only makes things worse and I know that. He's going to lose weight. I know that. But I also know that he CAN do it. I just need to set him up to want to. And pray a lot.
In final news, I cried happy tears this morning. Robbie's been able to say "momma" for a very long time. And if you asked him where mommy was, he could point to or find me. But he's never actually put the two together. This morning we were looking through some pictures, pointing out every one he knows when we came across one with both of us in it. He pointed and said "Ma Ma!"
Screw Percocet. There is no better high than that.