Thank you for everyone's thoughts on the sleep situation. It's improved a little. She has gone 4ish hours between wakings quite a few times. That may not sound like much, but it's a vast improvement over 2 hour wakings.
Last night she actually sent to bed at 8, slept 4 hour increments all the way until NOON today. Of course, I'm pretty sure she's fighting off a bug. Robbie had hand, foot and mouth last weekend. Charlotte never got the fever, but she got the sores.
And tonight, I'm paying for it. She went to sleep at 8 just fine and dandy but at 10:30, I made the mistake of opening an envelope and it woke her up. It's now 2am and she's STILL up. I rocked her for an hour, then made David rock her for an hour, and now it's been another 90 minutes and she's wide awake. It's triply bad because I think I'M fighting off the bug (I have a low grade fever and feel awful) AND am having an anxiety spike (brought on by the bug? I don't know.)
I finally just gave up and brought her out to the living room to play for a bit. Trying to "reset" her for bedtime. She's DEFINITELY not hungry (seriously, my nipples are sore from trying to nurse her to sleep for hours...) I think she's just overtired and can't wind down. I've tried all my usual tricks, rocking, singing, white noise, skin to skin, co-sleeping, letting her cry a bit and then rescuing her.. no luck.
She's currently in the floor taking advantage of playing with Robbie's toys while he's not around to be upset about it.
Speaking of Robbie- tonight I got to experience my first sibling "argument." Sort of. Robbie tripped over his own feet, then turned around to yell at Charlotte (who was nowhere near him) "Baby Charlotte! Stop it! That's not nice!" I managed to stifle the giggle and tell him Charlotte hadn't caused him to trip. He's been quite a handful lately, but I'll discuss that another time.
Charlotte has now laid herself down and is attempting to roll herself over. She's on a blanket that is slippery on the wood floor, so she's having trouble. Hoping that will wear her out.
The anxiety flair is annoying. I honestly had been doing so well that I had started to space out my doses of Paxil a bit. I've gained a TON of weight and I know the Paxil is just making it worse, so I'd like to come off of it when I can. I had gotten to where I was only taking it ever 2nd day. But today has made me rethink that plan. It sucks. I mean, it's great that the Paxil works, but I don't want to rely on it forever.
In any case, I'm getting through it. It's still not as bad as it was during what I think of as The Dark Time, and since I've come out to the living room, turned on all the lights and am writing a bit, it is abating a bit. I'm managing. But I don't like it one bit. A good night's sleep would do me a world of good, but apparently that isn't to be.
P.S. If you're having an anxiety flair and not feeling well, don't Google. I'm pretty much convinced that every symptom known to man can mean cancer.