Thursday, May 20, 2010

Sorrow

Prematurity claimed another victim today.

Justice was a 27 weeker with chronic lung disease who fought through a terrifying case of RSV this past winter. He recently contracted a lung infection and the combination of those things overwhelmed him today. He was a fighter through and through, and battled long and hard. But he was 20 months old and had endured more than many people do in a lifetime.

Tonight he breathes freely and rests peacefully amongst the angels. Please give the family your thoughts, prayers and condolences. 

And hug your children a little closer tonight. I know I am.

-Trish

7 comments:

Shannon said...

This breaks my heart. Saw the news last night and had to go sit in Ellie's room for a while. Life is so precious.

Searching said...

Wow. I had a 20mo die last month w/the ultimate cause being organ failure from prematurity. 20mo later I was not expecting it. I took it so hard, still do I suppose. I haven't been able to remove her name from my computer chart even though I will never see her again. It is just too final. Breaks my heart. I was there w/her in the NICU when she had to fight so hard. I just was not expecting prematurity to reach out its long arms and snatch her away from us after she fought so long and so hard and was doing fairly well. Had a gtube wks before she died due to worsening neuro status, but it just sucker punched me. Such an awful thing. :( I will keep Justice's family in my prayers.

Trish said...

Searching, I had a really hard time not adding a few "EFF YOU, PREMATURITY" comments to this post, but in the end, I wanted to leave it about Justice and not about anger.
But I'm really struggling with the anger I feel that this has happened again.

Searching said...

It makes me furious, too. It's never fair this happens in the first place. It is NEVER the baby's fault and very rarely the mother's fault (although the ones who do hits of cocaine all night long & go into labor, yeah, I can safely say that is their fault!). I am just horrified to know of another little one who fought what I know were amazingly difficult marathons that only a preemie has the heart to fight through, to be struck down by something he tried so hard to overcome. It was not his fault his lungs were not developed!! He should not have had his 13wks taken from him and then months later have his entire life taken.

I had a Justice die, too. 23wker, didn't even make it a month before overwhelming sepsis was just too much for her body to conquer. That one hit me hard because I had asked for a break for one shift from her b/c it was nonstop for the whole 12h every shift. I was burnt out and exhausted & I felt horrible that my break w/4 babies was easier and more relaxing than a day w/her. The next day she died and I spent my whole shift running b/t my 4 down the hall and back up to her isolette. Skipped every break and shoved a banana down my throat as I ran the halls. I stayed late to hold her shocked mother as she wailed and helped dress her little body to bring for her momma to hold without tubes for the first time. I still cry years later. Prematurity is so very cruel. :(

Trish said...

Oh Searching. That just breaks my heart. I genuinely could not work in a NICU. There are a lot of things I could do that people would cringe at. But I do not have the fortitude to work in a NICU.
Thank God for people like you who are able to do it.

You're right that none of them deserve this. There was a particularly bad night in the NICU with Robbie where I had a break down about just that. He'd self-extubated twice in one day. The 2nd time it took 50 minutes to get him re-intubated when the nurse bumped the tube and extubated him AGAIN. Fortunately the 2nd time it only took a few minutes to get it back in. But it was a full hour of watching him being bagged, 6 people working around my 1 pound baby, 100% oxygen, sat dropping into the teens.. It was horrible.

I was "invited" to leave but I just couldn't. But when it was over, I excused myself to a pumping room and just lost my shit. By far the worst breakdown I had during our 96 day stay. Thank heavens it was about midnight, so there weren't a lot of people around, but it wouldn't surprise me at all if the women down in L&D heard me screaming.

I just kept saying over and over again how no baby deserved this. NO BABY should ever have to go through this. That Robbie hadn't done anything to deserve this, that my body had betrayed him, my body had done this to him. I was absolutely hysterical.

Logically I know it was no one's fault, but in that moment, if preeclampsia was a person and he'd been standing in front of me, I'd have beat him to death with my own hands.

Nikki said...

I am heartbroken for this family.

My (26 weeker) son is 20 months old and has chronic lung disease. He spent a month in the hospital last fall - diagnosis of respiratory failure and pneumonia. He made it through. I live in fear of him getting sick again.

He's asleep next to me and I don't know if I'll be able to take my eyes off of him all night.

I am so sorry for sweet Justice's family.

Heather said...

I'm so sorry. I can't even imagine.