Thursday, March 24, 2011

IUI #7

The deal is done. 22 million sperm are now elbows & tripping their way up my fallopian tubes hoping to find an egg (or two. Eek!)

It went well. I slept poorly and woke early which is unlike me, but I think it was just nerves. Traffic was bad, but fortunately David went straight there while I took Robbie to daycare and since his portion was needed before I was, the timing worked out well.

I still don't just love her new nurse. I mean, she's nice enough, but just not the old nurse. She actually had the nerve to give me the "It just takes one" speech. I HATE THAT SPEECH. First of all, it's simply not true. Second of all, I know how this works, I don't nee the explanation. Lastly, well, it's not true! But whatever. Twenty two million is a great number, particularly for us. There was no pain at all. I laid there letting the swimmer find their way and David mostly grinned.

It really amazes me how bright and hopeful he is about all of this. He just smiled and asked what we were going to name the baby. I couldn't help but smile back. I wish I felt so unencombered by worry.

At this point I don't know if I'm more worried it won't work or that it will. I mean, if it works, then there comes the miscarriage worries, and what if it's twins (or more? OMG.), and then even if we managed to make it to the 2nd trimester with one baby- the point where most people start to breathe a little easier- my worry is just beginning. I never made it out of the 2nd trimester with Robbie. Preeclampsia. Prematurity. The NICU. There's just so much to worry about.

I'm trying very hard to stay distracted. If I find myself with a knot in my belly, trying to plan how we'll care for Robbie and a baby in the NICU, I stop and do something else. I know that worrying changes nothing. But I think the anxiety section of my brain is overdeveloped. I don't know how to just turn it off.

But there is hope, too. I had a vision of me delivering a full term baby, crying as I heard him cry for the first time in the delivery room. This morning when I dropped Robbie off at school, it was early. He was the only student from his room there, so they took him over to the infant room. I watched to see if you had any inesterest in the babies, hoping he'd decide he'd like a little brother or sister. He paid no attention at all, more excited by a room full of toys he's never played with. But at least he didn't cry.

Hoping that in 9 months (not 6, thank you) we'll see how he really feels about babies, but this time in his own house.



S said...

How's hoping that in 40 weeks Robbie is a big brother!!!

Anthony and Ashleys Mommy said...

I wish you lots of luck!! I also have to say I know the fear of which you speak of. I didn't stop worrying about Ashley until she was out of me. Even after I reached 27 weeks I still said to myself it was WAY too early to have her. Even at 34 weeks I said the same thing. Anyway.... just wanted to let you know, been there, done that, if you ever want to vent about it let me know =-)


Bridie said...

Good luck! Hold on to those positive images and let them be a constant reminder of why this is all worth it. And if the negative creeps in, remember you've faced that situation once before, you can do it again.

The Blatchford Family said...

Good luck Trish!

Stacie said...

I am excited for you! Fingers crossed that this will be THE cycle.

Hugs, Trish. I know first hand how anxiety ridden this path to a second child is for those of us with less than stellar first pregnancies. Just keep taking things one day at a time.

Stephanie H said...

So exciting!! I am hoping for a happy and healthy 40 FULL weeks for you guys!

Amy said...

I love that image ... of you holding your healthy, full-term, fully-developed newborn singleton. No drama, no scares, no special care required. A wonderfully boring birth story. That's the prayer!

Tasha said...

Just keep envisioning that full term delivery...Think of that sweet baby screaming as they pull it out of you. I will be praying and envisioning along with you.

((HUG)) I know about all the fears and there is nothing I can say to make them better...but know that we care about you and wish the best!

Tracy said...

22 million? No wonder David was happy! That's awesome.

Lots of prayers that some strong swimmers and a pretty egg have a party. Hang in there, sweets.

kcoleman said...

I was going to say what everyone else has already said! So, good luck and hoping you are holding one big, beautiful, healthy newborn in 40 weeks! Good luck