Stumped

Our OT is "stumped." Her word. Not mine.

She just left. (OT is usually on Tuesdays but since mother nature took an ice-dump on us the last few days, it got pushed to today.)

She said she's stumped. Essentially he doesn't display any of the usual behaviors that come along with food refusal. He doesn't have an oral aversion, he shows some mild sensory stuff but they don't come with oral defensiveness like they usually would. He "looks greats." (If I had a dollar for every time someone has said that in the last 8 months...) He's essentially on track developmentally (rolling still eludes us, but everything else is fine.) He isn't sleeping too much (quite the opposite lately considering he's up and hungry every 90 minutes.) or lethargic. He isn't writhing in pain when he eats or shortly after.

She just doesn't know.

He was due to eat while she was here and she tried to feed him. He behaved exactly as I described. Stomach growling, starving, roots for the bottle. Sucks down 10cc immediately. BAM! STOP! No more.

He eventually fell asleep and over the next half hour I managed to get another ounce into him. That little bit felt like a victory. Quite sad that an ounce and a half feels like success when he really should probably be eating more like 4 ounces at a time. But I take what I can.

I told her that I asked for a referral to another OT for a 2nd opinion. She was supportive of that. I told her about the doctor's plan that if the new formula (which should be in today) doesn't work to admit him for a work up and she thought that might be good, too.

On the one hand- it's good. I mean, less problems are good, right? But on the other hand- WHY THE HELL WON'T HE EAT?!

He's nothing short of an enigma, I suppose.

Right now I'm trying to mentally prepare myself for a hospital visit. I dread it. I feel like we've spent enough hospital time that I should never have to see one again. But I know it's the best shot we have at answers.

At least this time I'll get to pack first.

Then I'm trying to tell myself there's a good possibility they won't have answers and may suggest a feeding tube.

I keep trying to figure life out that way. Will we be able to get childcare? How long will he need it? Will he ever outgrow it? Maybe we'll put it in and a week later he'll start eating again and my guilt-spiral will spin out of control.

There are so many questions and not many answers.

I'm trying to take things day by day- even hour by hour. But it's so frustrating.

I just want him to eat. There doesn't seem to be anything standing in his way except his lack of desire to do it.

We're all stumped.

--Trish