Thursday, August 27, 2009

R.I.P Kenzie

Our dog passed today.

Our hearts are broken.

Kenzie was quite old, particularly being a large-for-breed Boxer. He was a tall, slim 85 pounds- a gentle, crazy giant. He was 11 1/2 and I hoped he'd be one of those dogs that defied the odds for life expectancy.

Boxers are quite prone to cancer and we'd had two scares in the last year. He had two tumors removed from his mouth last year and had a large growth on his paw for the last several months. All were benign.

I really thought that's what would get him in the end; the time would come and we would make the decision to ease his suffering. I honestly don't know what happened, which is the hardest part. I didn't get to say goodbye.

He ate well yesterday. His food bowl was empty when I filled it around midnight.

This morning I was rushing around trying to run an errand for Robbie before work and didn't pay much attention to him. He was really a great dog and had let himself out into the sunroom preparing for me to leave for work. He was a housedog, but during the day, he had the run of the sunroom, garage and a doggy door to the fenced backyard. I told him "you're a good boy" when I saw he hadn't made me call him. Then I left. They would be my last words to him.

When I got home, he didn't meet me at the door. In fact, no one did. I wondered aloud where everyone was. Robbie was napping, David was in his office. I went to look for my dog, thinking he hadn't heard my car come in.

I opened the backdoor and saw him laying by the fence. I thought he'd jump up like he normally did when I surprised him. "Oh mom! You're home!" but he didn't move. My heart sunk. "Kenz? Kenz?"

Before I got to him, I knew. "Oh buddy. Please don't be.. Oh God."

I came running back inside and told David. That's when I started crying. I really haven't stopped since.

I called the vet to have him cremated. Fortunately my favorite vet employee answered the phone. She has a boxer, too and we always talked about getting the dogs together for a play date. She met me in the parking lot and cried with me for a while.

Everyone speculates that he went quickly. He wasn't curled up as though he knew something was wrong. He honestly looked liked he'd gone to lay in the shade of the fence and just enjoy the day. His eyes were still open. I pray it was a stroke and it took him quickly and painlessly. Most of all I hope he knew how much he was loved.

Even David, admittedly not a dog person, shed some tears and proclaimed "He was a good dog."

There is already an emptiness in the house. Tonight when Robbie threw all of his Puffs in the floor, I had to sweep them up. When Robbie splashed water from the tub into the floor, no slobby dog bound in to lap it up, or to lick the water from our arms or to give Robbie kisses so gentle you couldn't believe a dog as sloppy as Kenz was could give them.

I often wondered if Robbie's first real word would be "dog." Now, he won't remember Kenz when he gets older. But we'll tell him about his first dog. I'm thankful we have pictures of some of their interactions. Kenzie taught Robbie that just because things are bigger than you doesn't mean they are scary. And Robbie taught Kenzie that patience is always rewarded- whether it be with an animated pat on the head or scraps under a high chair.

But he's gone. Thus is the bittersweet symphony of pet ownership. So much joy they bring, that when they're gone, the sorrow is even more profound.

If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went. -Will Rogers













































--Trish

41 comments:

Kierstin said...

oh trish i am so sorry. i am sitting here crying for you!!!Kezie was a such a sweethart and a much loved dog. He knew how special he was to you. They bring such joy to our lives and it is so hard to lose them. I know, trust me. I will keep you all in my prayers. I am sure he is running around in heaven with my Carmen. Love from a fellow Boxer mommy!

Mommy Shoes said...

I am so very sorry about the loss of your friend. Pets are always there for us and it is so hard when they go.

Erin said...

I am so sorry for your loss. Animals are such a part of our lives and for most of us our first children.

I am sure he knows how much he was loved.

Tom & Shannon said...

Aww Trish, I'm so sorry. This is my greatest fear - knowing that I'll have to eventually outlive Joey. Everyone else in my life I can hope to have many years with, but the lifespan of a dog is just far too short :( *hugs*

Alex said...

I'm very sorry for your loss :(

Mrs. Spit said...

I'm sorry Trish. He had such kind eyes.

Hugs.

niobe said...

Those photos are gorgeous. And heartbreaking.

Newt said...

Oh, Trish, I'm so sorry. Rest in peace, Kenzie.

NoVaIrish said...

I am bawling here in my office after watching that video of the two of them together. Kenzie really was a gentle giant with Robbie. My heart breaks for you all today. RIP Kenzie.

Adriane said...

I am so, so sorry. He sounded like an amazing dog. So glad there are pics and videos of Robbie with him.

The Blatchford Family said...

Oh no! I am so sorry for the loss of your wonderful dog. That was such a great video of Robbie & Kenzie together. So sweet! Big hugs today!

Amy said...

Oh Trish! I'm sitting hear with tears running down my face. I'm SO SO sorry for the loss of your dear friend. I can only imagine how hard it was to find him...and I dread the day that the time comes for my older guy. Our pets are family, and we grieve when they pass. Don't let anyone tell you Kenzie was "just a dog". He wasn't...he was your family.

Slytherpuff said...

Trish, I'm so sorry. :(

Fertilized said...

I am sorry for your family's loss.

Two Hands said...

So terribly sorry for your loss. Sitting here with tears in my own eyes.

S said...

Oh Trish...this hits too close to home for me! My sweet Abi, also 11.5 yrs, had to be put to sleep on Monday. She was diagnosed with bone cancer in June. She was my shadow, my best friend and my favorite gift ever purchased by my husband. She was also a house dog that was loved and kissed and hugged. I so wanted her to die peacefully in her sleep instead of putting me in the position that came at the end. I know either way is way, way too hard.

Hugs to you and yours. I feel your pain. It breaks my heart to hear the silence in my house. I am constantly on alert to hear her little feet tapping on the hardwood floors as she makes her way to me or the girls. It's awful, just awful. Honestly, much worse than I had imagined!

Mountain Girl said...

I am so sorry to hear about your Kenzie. I have two dogs myself - cockers - and I just cannot imagine having to say good bye to them. Kenzie was lucky to have you love him and give him Robbie as a playmate!

Danielle said...

So sorry for your loss. I can't imagine lossing my Daisy. A pet becomes such a huge part of the family. At least he didn't suffer and her died while sunbathing in the yard... what a great way to go.

Anonymous said...

Oh Trish, I'm so sorry! (((Big hugs))) and tears :'(

~1stMate from Strong Mammas

Catherine said...

I am so sorry for your loss. The pictures of Kenzie and Robbie are some of my favorites.

Azaera said...

Oh no I'm so sorry.

Abbey said...

Trish-
I'm so sorry. We lost our husky suddenly last summer. She went from totally fine to gone within 2 weeks. She died with her head in my lap. I know how hard it is to lose a dog. They hold a special place in your heart. I'm thinking of you.

Stacie said...

Oh, Trish. I am so, so sorry. Losing a fur baby is horrible. Hugs to you!

Brendan and Brenna's Mom said...

Trish, I am so sorry. We lost our cat a few months ago. We had him for 15 years. It seems so silly to cry about a cat, but even now it breaks my heart to write about it. Hugs to you.

Heather said...

So sorry for your loss. Robbie's first word may still be "doggie". It was our Phoebe's and we didn't have a dog. She is still completely obsessed with all animals.

Katie said...

I'm so sorry for you're loss and I'm even more sorry that Robbie will not get to grow up with Kenzie.

Me said...

I'm so sorry Trish.

Leah said...

Sorry for the loss of your friend.

dulongfamily said...

So sorry for your loss. We lost our dog when I was pg with Nora and it really hit me when I realized my kids would never get to play with her or know her. I'll be thinking of you.

Sunny said...

I am so, so sorry for your loss. :(

I was never a dog person until I let DH convince me to get a Schnoodle while we were in the trenches of IF. Now I understand the true love between pooch and person. My heart goes out to you.

AlynKaryn said...

I am so sorry to read about your pup. It sounds like he went quickly and hopefully peacefully while having a rest in the yard. From one pet lover to another, my heartfelt sympathies are with you and your family.
Mindingpandq (Fellow Nestie)

Anonymous said...

So sorry for your loss...its been quite a week for you guys :(

Hoping for a much better weekend.

Patti B.

Cassie said...

I nevergot to meet Kenzie but I know how much you loved him. I am so sorry. And like Kierstin Iam sitting here crying. Lots of love and prayers.

AngelsAmid said...

That made me cry :( that's awful!!! =( what a sweet video...

I'm so so sorry (hugs)

Tracy said...

*tears*

PurpleDogMommy said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
PurpleDogMommy said...

Hello...:)

I just read through nearly 3 years worth of posts..I feel like I know you somehow (but not in that creepy, stalker way).

Just wanted to tell you that alot of your posts made me tear up (I've been down the infertile/miscarriage road myself) and this one was no exception. I'm sorry for the loss of your "other" baby, but I bet he's in Heaven, curled up to your other angels as we speak.

Good to "meet" you...:)

Melina

Amy C said...

So sorry about your loss...animals are such a part of the family, especially when you go through infertility, your pets are your children. Unfortunately, 99% of the time we will outlive them but he time with them is worth it!

tryingin2007 said...

now I'm crying. beautiful pictures. what great memories.

I'm so sorry.

(((big hug)))

Sara said...

I am so sorry, Trish. I have an older dog that I wish could live forever.
~lilyvalley

Malloryn said...

Trish, I am sorry for your loss. Kenzie sounded like a wonderful dog and friend. It hurts so much to lose a beloved pet. ::hugs::