Tuesday, May 3, 2011

7w5d

Due to scheduling conflict of Dr. K's, my ultrasound got moved up to tomorrow. Fortunately David was able to work around some meetings to get away  to join me. My symptoms have definitely waned the last few days, so my anxiety level has sky-rocketed. For the first time this pregnancy I feel a truly intense sense of foreboding.

I keep trying to focus on a good outcome from tomorrows appointment- seeing a heartbeat, David holds my hand, we both cry. I hug Dr. K good-bye. I go home and call my OB and make my first appointment.

But I keep getting lost in the memory of the quiet ultrasound- the u/s tech desperately hoping to find an angle in which the heart really is beating. The look of resignation from David. The sympathetic eyes from Dr. K. Going home to cry and eat ice cream in bed.

I know that no matter what happens, we will get through it. We have survived the silent ultrasound before. And honestly, if things go well, it leads to even scarier times. The fact of the matter is that pregnancy for us will never be simple. It will  never be easy or without stress or worry.

Tomorrow will tell is which kind of stress we deal with next. The grief of another loss or the worry of a pregnancy.


--Trish

7 comments:

Cate said...

I wish I knew the right words to say to give you as much comfort as you have offered me before. You and your family are in my good thoughts, tomorrow and always.

Jennifer said...

I'll be thinking about you guys tomorrow. Praying for a great outcome.

Tracy said...

Lots of prayers for you. I hope you see a flickering heart beat right away and get to hear that wonderful sound.

Kierstin said...

keeping you all in my prayers

gina said...

Prayers for sure! I am also wondering if 'tomorrow' is actually today since this was written at midnight. All the positive thoughts and virtual hugs I can muster up are coming your way!

Stephanie H said...

I will be thinking about you when you are at your ultrasound. Having gone through the silent ultrasound myself I know though and worrisome a new ultrasound for a new pregnancy can be. But you are a strong strong woman and will get through anything life throws at you. But I will have all positive thoughts going your way!!

Searching said...

Praying for a good heartbeat tomorrow. So glad you won't be alone!