Today has been a rough day. I started the day with a headache that just wouldn't quit. Around lunch time it got significantly worse, so I took my BP. it was consistently around 150/90. I panicked.
I told myself to calm down that I didn't feel great, it was just one point in time, pre-e at 19 weeks isn't impossible, but it's really rare, I'm not swollen etc. My stomach churned in knots anyway.
I had to go to work, so I decided to check it again in an hour and if it was still high, I'd call the doctor and ask to be seen. Then I spent the next hour imagining the worst in my head.
I got to work and checked it again. Around 135/85. Pretty normal for me, at least pre-pregnancy (it's actually been lower since being pregnant, though.) I felt a little better.
Waited another hour, checked it again. 122/77. Yeah, probably going to be just fine.
Of course, my stomach was still in knots. My hands were still shaking. Then I started to convince myself that the stomach ache was epigastric pain. I ate tums and eventually took a zantac and finally started to feel better. Continued to monitor my BP and it's consistently been low 120s/low-mid 70s.
I hate what pre-e does to me. I feel like I've had a pretty good reign on anxiety, but then something happens, and I'm off the deep end. I was 100% aware of the fact that this was Anxiety Disorder Freak Out and not to be taken seriously, but I was powerless to stop it.
I still feel shaken up tonight. Nineteen weeks (and 4 days!) is way too far from viability. 24 weeks isn't far enough either, but I know that at this point, there is literally nothing to be done. And the images in my head were far too real. Sometimes an active imagination is overrated.
My next appointment is Friday. I'll be having my anatomy scan and seeing one of the peris. (One I actually haven't met yet.) I guess we'll see how things go then. If I can stay sane long enough.
Trish
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10 comments:
Hang in there love.
Sanity is over rated. I'll come help out if we need to put you in a straight jacket :)
Big hugs hun. Keeping you in my prayers. Extra prayers for some peace.
Hang in there. Hope everything gets a little more relaxed.
Oh, Trish. I feel for you. On one hand, I have SO much confidence that this baby is going to be a fantastic full termie, but on the other, I feel anxiety with you.
*HUGS* Remember - every step of this process has been easier for this one than with Robbie. It's GOING to be better. It WILL, dammit!
Hang in there! I'm really not into this sort of thing, but I wonder if something lke hypnosis would help with anxiety?
You are in my prayers!
Big hugs to you, I know you can do it - just hang in there!
An active imagination is definitely overrated. (((HUGS))) and prayers
Thinking of you my friend. And always keeping you and that peanut in my prayers.
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