Friday, May 25, 2007

Friday night update

I think I might have ovulated on Wednesday. Not sure, really. My temp was very, very slightly elevated yesterday morning and way low this morning (96.7) but I think I may have fallen back asleep with my mouth open this morning. I've had a CM dry up, so I believe the egg has been released.

I've also gotten my test results from the new R.E. Turns out that I am, indeed, insulin resistance. I'm waffling on how I really feel about that.

On the one hand, it's not a surprise at all. I come from a long line of diabetics. Plus I'm fat. Not like a little pudgy - I'm obese. All my PCOS tests have been fine, so while it isn't PCOS, the suspicion of both me and both of my REs is that perhaps I have some of the same types of things going on. Also, it's a diagnosis of sorts. Another piece of the puzzle. Probably at least partially explains my crappy ovulation and may even have played a role in my miscarriage. Which of course, brings a whole other set of emotions into play.

On the other hand, I'm not exactly thrilled to be pre-diabetic. And even less thrilled to need to take yet ANOTHER friggin' pill. No.. not A pill, another FOUR pills, eventually. Add to that the fact that metformin is notorious for causing a variety of stomach ills - well, color me less-than-thrilled.

Overall, I'm calling it hopeful because with a diagnosis comes a treatment and hopefully a lesser risk of another miscarriage.

If anyone is remotely interested, here's some info. The doctor mentioned in the article is indeed my R.E.

I took the first pill last night. I take 1 at dinner for a week, then add 1 at breakfast for a week. Then another at dinner for a week and finally step up to 2 at breakfast and 2 at dinner for.. well..a long time.

Since I did test positive for insulin resistance, I'll continue taking it through all of TTC and through my first trimester of pregnancy. (You know, assuming I ever GET pregnant again. I'm feeling a wee bit frustrated today.. so I need to add that.)

In other news this week, a 60 year old woman has given birth.

When I first heard the news I honestly didn't know how to feel. So we'll weigh hands again.

I mean, Wow.. what an amazing feat. How amazing is the technology that can allow a woman twice my age to have twins. But then- WAIT.. a woman TWICE my age gave birth? Why the hell can't I?

I really WANT to think it's of no concern to me. So some 60 year old stranger decided to have children? So what? Not my business. It's just another testament to what amazing things can happen and should give me hope- yes?

But honestly, I feel mildy disgusted by the whole thing. First of all, this woman already had several other children. She risked both her own life and the life of these babies by deciding to do this. There's a reason people don't get pregnant at 60, ya know? Now, all of that I can get over. In the end, it's her life and if she and her husband are willing to risk it.. so be it.

I couldn't help but think of a friend's sister who had a very dangerous first pregnancy in which she almost died and is now IVFing again. Her sister (my friend) is very upset about her risking her life for another child. But I can't say I wouldn't do the same thing. But somehow being SIXTY makes it seem even more foolish.

What I think bothers me more than anything is the fact that it seems to give yet another black eye to infertility and A.R.T. I feel the same way about mothers giving birth to six babies. I can't help but blame them a little when someone says to me "Oh? You're taking fertility drugs? You aren't going to have a litter, are you?" with that look usually reserved for circus freaks.

I, of course, realize that it's really the fault of the person making assumptions, but damn it, the media reports these stories and that's what people see. They think that fertility treatments are for old people trying to have babies past a reasonable age and freaks. And I don't think I fall into either group. Neither do ANY of the other infertiles I know.

That's part of why I'm so open about my journey these days. Hey.. look at me.. the girl next door is broken, too..

Of course, there's also the issue of the mother in question refusing to disclose if she used an egg donor or not. What is that about? She's fine with all this media attention and is open about having to travel to another country to do this because the US wouldn't, but somehow egg donation is private? I can't even wrap my head around how that works in her mind.

I don't know. Again, it's really none of my business, but I certainly feel like as an out-of-the-closet infertile that it's partly my responsiblity to accurately depict the struggles that we go through. And to at least pass along accurate info.

What's it that the superheroes say? With great power comes great responsibility. And having the attention of the world is certainly great power. Way to let us all down, lady.


Amy said...

Sorry about the whole insulin resistance thing. :( That does suck ... though as you said, it does give guidance for treatment. I'm glad you explained more about it because I'd been wanting to ask for more info. I should probably get tested for it myself, with my family history. (50% chance of both diabetes and PCOS)

I'm glad you are open about the whole IF thing. It's amazing how much ignorance abounds about it considering how many people deal with it. Hopefully that is changing--it is for people who are close to you, and that is definitely a step in the right direction.

I love you!

Nichole said...

I just wanted to say that I have "minor" insulin resistance too. The endocronologist I was seeing last year had me on Metformin, but my RE took me off. He said my main issue is my LH:FSH ratio. (basically my eggs don't mature and don't ovulate)
I hope the Met doesn't make you feel too bad and that it helps you get pregnant and hold the pregnancy!