Saturday, June 2, 2007

It's all about the cycles

Well, I think I've fucked up my knee again.
I had knee surgery last April after almost 10 years of problems with it. Turned out that I had some torn cartilage, a cyst (apparently caused by the torn cartilage) and some bone damage on the back of my knee cap.

It still hurt a bit over the last year, but in a much milder way. It would throb a bit after I walked a good distance, but after I settled down, it stopped.

Last week I walked on lunch and it ached a bit afterward. No biggie. Except it didn't stop.

By Friday it hurt so bad I could cry. Saturday I was taking handfuls of ibuprofen to keep from yelling out when I moved.

Sunday I went to Chicago to get together with some Internet friends and took lots more ibuprofen.

It kept me from running away with a friend's son. Here we are:

It's a familiar pain. Like before the surgery. Trish not happy.

You may be wondering what this has to do with infertility.

Well, then you're not infertile.

We infertiles know that EVERYTHING is about infertility.

How will this affect my cycles? I could probably go to the doctor and get an MRI during the first half of my next cycle, so that would be okay. But surgery? I can't schedule surgery during the 2ww. No way in hell. So then what?

And if I get pregnant before I have surgery, that means waiting through the entire pregnancy til I can have it fixed.

My solution is to stay very still and pretend it's fine. I admit to maybe slightly minimizing the the pain to my husband. "No honey.. it's fine. A little stiff, but not too bad."

It's calmed down a good bit now. So long as I only lay on my left side at night, I don't even wake up groaning.

I know some of you are saying TRISH! GO TO THE DAMNED DOCTOR. But me, I think.. well, I'm just going to wait cause I'm going to have to wait 9 months anyway. (Don't look at me like that!)

The other factor is that my last primary care doctor appointment did NOT go well. It was my first visit with her (Everyone changed with my insurance at the beginning of the year) and I was less than impressed. She actually got so mad at me she stormed out and didn't come back. All because I told her that the chiropractor made my neck feel better. She didn't seem offended by the notion of a chiropractor, even agreeing that of course an adjustment would help - "ANYONE can give you an adjustment"- but more that I wanted to see one. "You can't just go any time you want." She was very angry. She finally said "let's just see if the doctor is even covered" and stormed out. She never came back. The nurse came back in a few minutes later and handed me a referral. I'm still scratching my head. Even my overly calm husband was perplexed.

I won't be seeing her again. However because of my crappy HMO, I don't have a lot of options for doctors. She shares an office with 5 other doctors. I'll just ask to see another one of them. But I'm sure they're going to ask WHY and I haven't decided how honest to be just then. And I dread it.

Especially for something that I don't want to do anyway.

I wish my GYN could just do everything for me. All of this would affect my cycles and such, so I should be able to use that, right?

After all, it's all about the cycles!

-- Trish

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