Eat, sleep...or not...

We continue to be plagued by eating and sleeping woes.

Sleeping:
He had a few good nights- even one where he slept 6 hours. I woke up and double checked to make sure the apnea monitor was turned on. I felt this strange sensation that I sort of remembered. You might call it...refreshed.

Of course, that hasn't lasted. The last few nights, he's woken every 2 1/2-3 1/2 hours.
And he doesn't nap. He'll doze off a time or two during the day, but it's 10 or 15 minutes at a time.

David was off for Veteran's Day yesterday so I went and finally had my gallbladder scanned. (No results yet.) I came home after being gone about 4 1/2 hours and found a defeated lump of a man that used to be my husband.

He must have said at least 5 times during the rest of the day "but he only slept for 10 minutes." I kept replying "Yes, honey. I know. This is how it is EVERY day." He'd really never been alone with Robbie more than an hour or two at a time. And usually I'd feed, change and settle him before I left. No such luck yesterday. It was morning. Peak Robbie time.

Of course, if nothing else, I think it gave David a little more respect for what my days are like.

Sleeping I can mostly manage. If he sleeps, I sleep and we do okayish.

Eating, however, is going to be my undoing.

We finally got his Prevacid filled on Saturday. (Long story. I had to pull out Bitchy Trish at the pharmacy. So much so that the people next to me actually started cheering me on. But it's filled.) Saturday afternoon and Sunday, he ate like a champ. I was concocting a "Praise God for Prevacid" letter in my head. Then came Monday. So much for my miracle drug.

Back to half feedings, flailing, crying, face-hiding, etc.

I just don't know what else to do. He gets some type of med at every feeding. Carefate, Mylanta or prevacid. It doesn't seem to matter.

If I can catch him sleeping and get a bottle in his mouth, he eats fairly well. But again- he doesn't sleep. That's hard to do.

I'd say an average day, he sleeps a total of about 10 hours. Which really isn't enough for a baby of his age. And of course, that's not all at once, which makes it worse.

And eating- I'm lucky if I get 1 MAYBE 2 full feedings into him a day. The rest are anywhere from 1/2-3/4. On a "good" day, I can wait an hour and feed him what he didn't take at the regular feeding time. At least then he gets the calories.

But a day like today- it didn't matter. He'd take a half a feeding and then refuse to eat again for 3 hours.

I'm already dreading next week's weight check. Now, the worst thing they'll do is probably add fortifier back to his breastmilk again. It's not the end of the world. But formula is a pain in the ass for a number of reasons.

First of all- it makes his reflux worse.
Second of all- it's expensive
Thirdly- even if he WILL nurse, I feel like I can't let him because he has to have the formula.
Lastly- if it's mixed in breastmilk, it shortens the breastmilk's life expectancy. Whereas now if he doesn't finish a bottle, at least I can use that extra half ounce or ounce next time. I'm not wasting my hard-earned milk. But with formula, once it's mixed and he's eaten from it, it's done.

We'll manage if we have to. I know we will. But damn it... I'm tired of reflux!

And he had a surgery that was SUPPOSED to stop this. And now I just wonder if all the stomach surgery they did just made him more uncomfortable.

I really wonder about the G Tube. The wound where it was seems to be healed- it's not leaking, anyway. But it remains really dimpled in and feels a little harder under his skin. I'm sure there is scar tissue there.

Now, I'm sure as he gets older and bigger, that will be less of a big deal. But for now, he's a little guy who had a big hole in his stomach. It sucks.

In any case, we fight on.

If you could throw some more moose on the fire, I'd appreciate it. And maybe something that sleeps well, too.

You'll be handsomely rewarded with more pictures.

--Trish