Thursday, November 20, 2008

Failure to Thrive

Today was a weight check with the pediatrician. He should have been at least 8lb, preferably closer to 9.

7 pound 7 ounces is all we've got.

Overall, our doctor was pretty positive. That's her nature. She said his physical exam is great. His development is right on track.

Eating sucks. He should be eating about 3oz every 3 hours. I'm lucky to get 2 into him.

Now we go back to adding formula to every bottle.

And we up his meds again.

All of that was doable and I was okay until I looked at the sheet you take to the check out.

She had circled under diagnosis "Failure To Thrive."

Just what every mom longs to hear. Your kid is not thriving.

I feel like a failure.

I know in my head that I'm doing everything I can. He lives with a bottle in his mouth. Monday he literally ate 12 times. When you consider at least 30 minutes per feeding(and realistically- 45 minutes to an hour), that's at least 6 hours a day of feeding him. I keep him at an incline. When he is in pain and refuses to eat, I've managed to figure out how to pat him and feed him at the same time so that he eats.

If he gets sick of one bottle, I'll change bottles to see if he likes a different nipple this time.

Almost every feeding is a 2 parter. He takes an ounce, gets upset. I pat him until he's calm again, give him a break, then in a half hour, he finishes the rest. This makes every feeding at least 45 minutes- sometimes as much as an hour and a half.

All I do is feed him. I know in my head that I'm doing what I can.

But my heart sees "Failure to Thrive" and I feel like I'VE failed. It's my job to protect him. It's my job to support him. It's my job to FEED HIM. It's my job to make him thrive. And he's not. I've failed.

All I can do now is pray this stupid reflux heals and he starts eating and thriving.

We're going to need another herd of moose.

--Trish

18 comments:

Milo!BadKitty! said...

Screw that Dx, Trish.

You're a GREAT mom!

((hugs))

Anonymous said...

Trish - you and Robbie will get through this. This is not your fault and even full term babies have this problem.

I'll go hunting for a moose later, but I think the best I can do is a deer, maybe a horse or something.

Darby

Fertilized said...

I wish so much of this journey was not guilt driven. This is not your fault. It's so hard to see and feel that any of this, as a mom, is not our faults. I saw those pictures yesterday .. Robbie is obviously thriving and you are doing your best.

Sending prayers for herd of Moosi! ( lots of moose)

Mrs. Spit said...

Aww Trish, you are such an awesome mum, and I'm sorry that Robbie's tummy is not co-operating. I'll go and get us some moose now. . . .

Newt said...

No guilt, baby. You're the best mom on the internet.

Robbie is getting so big and healthy; he's come such a long way. I can't wait until all these diagnoses and evaluations are done and you can just enjoy your fantastic baby.

Moose time. (Mousse time? That sounds NICE).

Anonymous said...

You are doing everything you can, so do not beat yourself up. He will get better with eating and gain more weight.

Just remember that you are a great mommy.

The pictures turned out beautiful!

Elizabeth said...

You are a great mom! You know in your heart that you are and that you've done all you can. It's a poorly worded diagnosis.

He's not growing according to a statistical grid - but good lord, he's grown from under two pounds to almost 7 1/2.

pre-e wasn't your fault and reflux is not your fault.

That he is here and is loved and smiles and has bloomed from tiny to the beautiful boy in yesterday's photos - That IS your doing and I'm so humbled by it all.

((((Hugs))))

Tracy said...

The medical community has such a way with words, don't they?

((hugs)) and lots of prayers

Rxgoddess said...

Failure to Thrive is NOT Failure to Nurture. Keep repeating that to yourself! You're doing everything you can!

Kristin (kekis) said...

WTH?? I'm not a doctor (but I play one on TV) and Robbie does NOT look like he's failing to thrive. Nice, postiive doctor = dummy to me.

casicola said...

Your an amazing mom...amazing. He is so lucky to have a mommy taht is so patient and that just oozes love for him.
my nephew is 13 weeks and he breatfeeds just fine, however he does the EXACT same thing when you feed him by bottle. And this has happened since he was born.

Im saying that so you dont think your alone or doing anything wrong.

lots of hugs sent ur way

AngelsAmid said...

Definition- Failure to thrive is a description applied to children whose current weight or rate of weight gain is significantly below that of other children of similar age and sex.

*Does not say- failure as a parent!! I just hate the wording!!
YOU know you're doing everything you possibly can, and Robbie is too. Soon the reflux will be gone and he'll grow and grow! :) (hugs)

Milenka said...

*hug* My twins were 36 weekers, and they were diagnosed with Failure to Thrive as infants. We fought long and hard at the beginning to gain any weight at all. They just turned 2 years old and are now perfectly normal at 27 and 29 pounds. I felt like a failure myself during those months, but my ped kept telling me that we would deal with it and be fine. Thankfully, he knew what he was talking about. I'll also keep my fingers crossed that Robbie is able to eat more soon. Fox is at around 4-6 ounces every 2-3 hours now, and I'm tired. Cannot imagine constantly feeding him - it would be like having twins all over again!

Amy said...

As Milo said, "Screw that Dx; you're a GREAT mom!" I'm sorry, Trishy. :( That's got to be really hard to hear. Praying that he does start to genuinely thrive, and that his eating and sleeping both get better.

((((((((Trish))))))))
Love you!

Anonymous said...

Trish your a awesome mommy...I wish my moomy was that great!
Don't worry its wonderful doctor and insurance jargon....Try not to think of it anymore. And just remember ROBBIE LOVES his MOMMY-The GREATEST MOMMY ever.

Me said...

This. Is. Not. Your. Fault.

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