This is a vent. Consider yourselves warned.
Do I seem stupid? Especially incompetent? Just plain lazy?
Because I swear, my family must think at least one of these things of me.
My grandma is in town with her sister. Tonight, the two of them, my dad, David, Robbie and I went to dinner. It was right at Robbie's dinner time, so I packed up the feeding pump and toted it with us. Usually if we're going out, I bolus feed him half at a time an hour apart, but he's been particularly pukey the last few days, so I was trying to take it as easy on him as I could. So I used the pump. That means there is a tube connected to him hanging and connected to a bag containing his pump and milk. My point is- it's pretty obvious.
We've firmly established that Robbie does not eat. Maybe 2 or 3 baby spoons of solids per day- if we're having a good day.
Then can someone tell me why everyone keeps trying to feed him?
Grandma asks if I want one of her carrots for him.
Me: no thank you.
G: You sure?
me: He won't eat it, grandma.
G: you don't think so?
G: even if I mash it up?
me: He doesn't eat ANYTHING, grandma.
G: Oh. *looks disapproving*
Five minutes later
My dad: Want some of these mashed potatoes for him
me: no thanks
Dad: you sure?
me: No thank you, he's fine.
Dad: just offering.
me: I know. He's fine. He's being fed right now. He's okay.
Dad: well, if you wanted some..
me: HE'S FINE. I SWEAR HE ISN'T STARVING. He is being fed right now. If we overfill his belly, he will puke. If I give him something and he gags a little, he'll puke. He's FINE.
Everyone stares at me uncomfortably.
A few minutes later
Grandma: Trishy, do you think he's cold over there?
Me: He's sweating.
Right at the end of dinner, Robbie started puking. Not surprising. He was wiggling around, leaning forward and playing while a feeding went in. So he heaved a few times. David and I cleaned up the puddles and wiped Robbie down. Robbie was fairly unaffected. He sort of cried out just before he heaved, but as soon as the offending milk was up, he was back to playing again. He pukes every single day of his life. He's very sadly used to it.
As we left, my aunt made a comment about Robbie "looking so sick." I said he wasn't sick. "He does this every day." She exclaimed, "OH!? REALLY?" Apparently I've been talking to walls when I tell them HE PUKES ALL THE TIME.
There were other little things. And it's constant. Every time Robbie makes so much as a squeak, my dad makes a joke. "See! He wants pepperoni pizza." "See, he wants some chicken wings." I know he's just trying to be funny, but it gets old. Yes, I'm sensitive about the food issue. I WISH he wanted a pepperoni pizza. If he'd eat it, believe me, I'd feed it to him.
Literally, if he gets a bread crumb to the back of his throat, he gags until he pukes. Stage 3 baby food? Same thing. The other day I tried to give him some turkey that was mashed a little too thickly- the minute it touched his tongue, he started gagging. He has texture issues.
For heaven's sake, we CUT A HOLE INTO HIS STOMACH AND PUT A TUBE THROUGH IT SO HE WOULDN'T STARVE TO DEATH. It was not an elective surgery. He has an EATING DISORDER.
They act like we just haven't found the right foods to feed him. If only I'd offer him a magic carrot, or pizza, or bananas or juice or whatever the thing is they're pushing this week, he'd be fine. Robbie doesn't have a problem. His mom is just too clueless to feed him properly.
Last night we went to Dai.ry Q.ueen for dinner. Someone mentioned getting ice cream. I said I couldn't have any because it's made with corn syrup. My dad says very excitedly "Robbie can have some!" Umm, no dad, actually he can't. Dad is insulted. "Why not?!" I explain that the reason I can't have the ice cream is because Robbie's reflux goes crazy when I have corn syrup in MY diet. Nevermind Robbie eating it directly.
"Oooooooooh." He accepts.
I didn't even get into the fact that Robbie wouldn't want it. HE DOESN'T LIKE FOOD.
Someday he will. I know this. While I don't like the situation as it stands, it's our life and I have to accept it. It will change someday in the future-probably a few years down the road. But for now, can we issue a cease and desist on the food pressure? I promise I'm not starving him on purpose. And I'm not too lazy to feed him. I try. I swear.
P.S. It wasn't just me. Even the uber-patient David was annoyed.
P.P.S. He broke 19 pounds tonight. He's not starving!