Saturday, May 31, 2008

It's a boy!

We are beyond pround to introduce our son- Robert Michael C.

He was born at 11:22am weighing in at a svelte 1 pounds 7 ounces. He is 12 1/2 inches long.

He's tiny but strong.

I've only been able to visit him once as I'm still on the devil drug (magnesium) and bed bound, but David has been to see him a number of times and he's doing wonderfully.

He's already off the vent for at least a few hours. When I visited, they said usually he'd be off for a few hours or even days and have to go back, but any time spent off the vent is good. We know he's been off the vent at least 2 hours, so we're doing well.

The doctor explained to David that babies of his size & gestational age have some common problems like blood glucose, blood pressure etc, and so far he hasn't exhibited any of those.

I know we'll have trials, but for now, he's strong and thriving.

We both know we owe his health to all the prayers and love everyone has sent out. Please keep it up.

And without further ado:

baby is coming today

Sadly, my syptoms have significantly worsened over night. My BP is up. My stomach pain is getting severe. I've had some blurred vision and seeing stars.

The Peri says now.
They're making arrangements for surgery as we speak. He says maybe an hour.


With everything you have.


Trish And baby C

Still hanging in there.

Hello everyone,

Trish here. I'm weak from the mag, so I'm just going to type and what comes out comes out, so I call a time out on spelling & grammar & maybe even logic rules.

The quick and dirty is that I'm still pregnant. The baby is still doing wonderfully and my body is... holding on for now, I suppose.

We're about 10 hours from proving the doctor I have dubbed Dr. Sunshine wrong. In his defense, he did visit me this evening and was very nice, but I'm not quite certain he didn't' get a talking to because I complained and I found out that my day nurse did as well.

This may all run together because frankly it all runs together in my mind and there's just too much to sort out right now. And I think I want it all written in this way because it's the way it's happening and it should be recorded.

What I know right now is that my BPs are better than they were yesterday- I think the one sitting on the machine right now is 157/90. I had a pretty good run today of 150's over 80's. My protein level.. well. it's as bad as it could get. I thought it only went to 4+ but was informed mine was a 5, so I guess it goes to 5. That sort of freaks me out a bit, but even Dr. Sunshine said he didn't care because I was already severe- I couldn't go to double severe, so it didn't much matter.

Dr. Sunshine came in this morning in a tizzy. After the fact, I found out that he was involved in some "messy" case before mine, so I can't help but wonder if I bore the brunt of it, but he came in pacing and hyper. He essentially told me that he wanted me to make it to 48 hours from first steroid shot (That will be 2:30 central time on Saturday) but he doesn't think I'll make it 24 hours. This was early in the morning, so that would have been short of our goal.

When I expressed that his partner had been a tiny bit more optimistic just the night before, he dismissed me and said a week would be great, but it's not happening. He said I had a headache which is a bad sign. I told him that my headache was a sinus headache. Then we argued a while. Him telling me I cant' tell him what kind of headache it was and trying to tell me it was a migraine. Even after explaining that I'd not eaten in 2 days, not slept in 2 days, been crying for 2 days and was under a MINOR AMOUNT OF STRESS, and that the air in the hospital is dry as shit, he still insisted it was a pre-e headache.

My OB got me some nasal spray not much later and my headache improved dramatically. I managed to nap a half hour here, an hour there and 2 hours tonight and I feel much better. I do have a bit of pressure under my left temple, but nothing major.

He went on to tell me that there are a number of things that could make us deliver ASAP. If any symptoms return or worsen- namely, the headache or stomach ache, if my labs show a worsening or if the baby shows trouble.

I have no problem with the labs or baby trouble.. I simply would like the symptoms to be evaluated fairly.

As soon as he left, I sobbed. My nurse held my hand. Of course, that happened to be a BP time and it was up. She listened to me bitch about him but remained professional. But my OB stopped in later (she had already rounded, but was here for a delivery so stopped by) and said that my nurse expressed to her that he was all "doom and gloom" this morning. Someone remind me to send Nurse Laura a fruit basket when this shit is over.

He did clear me to eat, which was appreciated and I shortly thereafter ordered lunch. I made it through half my hamburger, some fruit, a grape tomato, and the best baked potato in history. The potato was just butter and sour cream, but I swear, the Gods themselves must have made the sour cream. I joked that we should name the baby Potato Cream C____. David agreed we'd call the kid Tater. It made me laugh for the first time today. Tater might stick. now we just need a name.

David announced rather abruptly whilst we had visitors yesterday that he didn't' like the names I thought we'd sort of settled on. He got huffy and said I would just do what I wanted to do anyway, so what did it matter what he liked? So right now, Tater is about what we've got.

We did manage to discuss some names rationally today but things are so hectic with so many people in and out that we never really made it through any eliminations. I'm starting to ask everyone who comes in what their middle name is (I can see their first names on their badges) and make notes of anything that might fly.

Mostly the day is a whirlwind of visitors- personal & professional. I've gotten so many text messages of support that I've had to charge it twice a day to keep up. Email is a little harder simply because I have to have the baby monitor on my belly all the time and trying to type over the top of it is difficult. If you could see the position I'm in right now, you'd offer to rub my shoulders.

We have the Peri coming once a day (at least), the OB resident every 3 hours (at least), my OB rounding once a day (at least), The nurse here for pulse ox and BP every hour, plus every time I have to pee which is a lot so at least once an hour, but probably more like twice, we met with a NICU doctor today. The lab comes for blood every 12 hours. I go to the Peri Center for an u/s once a day. My Best friend works in records here, so she's popped in a # of times and a # of friends have stopped by.

Mostly I spend the day waiting for the next thing to happen. It's good to be busy. Night time leaves me with my thoughts.

Today was particularly odd because the fresh bag of Mag really hit me hard about noon. i suddenly got very, very heavy. Then the room started to bounce. Then I got weak and drunk. And hot. Did I mention hot?
It deserves its own line.

I got hot. Like sunburned. I was shivering but burning up. David tells me the room is under 70. I couldn't begin to guess. But hot. Over 80. The mag makes my vessels expand so that I shouldn't have a seizure (though Dr. Sunshine tells me I still could- but not to worry.) so I guess all the warmth in my body has settled into my skin. I don't recommend it.

The worst part was really the weakness. Adding to my many tubs & plugs, they added compression cuffs for my legs making them even heavier so that now I can't get in and out of bed by myself. As I am peeing every 90 minutes (or less) that's a serious PITA.

The oddest part was that when that bag of mag ran out and it got changed again, I felt better. I'm still hot, but not boiling. I'm still weak, but I can life the phone. I can only guess that whoever mixed that bag made it a little heavier than the others.

In any case, I feel a fair bit more clear headed tonight.

I do have a case of heart burn. It scared the shit out of me because I could hear Dr. Sunshine tell me that any new symptom meant OR and that he was the Peri on call this weekend so he's the one to "pull the trigger." (Yes. His words.)

When I noticed the stomach ache, I quietly called David over and told him. I didn't want to tell. I was about to take a nap. David suggested I nap and see how I felt when I woke up. I slept about 2 hours, I think, but woke up with it hurting. I started to cry immediately.

I pressed the button for the nurse and told her. I told David I felt like I just sentenced the baby to death.

Fortunately, the OB resident is reasonable. He gave me some tums & some pepcid. The tums did the trick. *phew*

But it's back tonight. I slept for an hour or so, but think I was laying too far prone and the pressure on my belly is too much. They gave the pepcid I hadn't had earlier, but it didn't help.

But the resident came in and said my 11:00 labs did not show heavy liver involvement (it is progressing, but slowly), so he's not terribly concerned. He gave me some more tums and I felt a little better. It still hurts a bit, but nothing I can't live with.

At that time, the baby got SUPER active. They lost the heart rate on the monitor and eventually wheeled in the portable u/s to try to figure out where the kid is laying. Tater is now laying sort of butt out, a little sideways. Fortunately my amazing night nurse finally managed to get an angle that worked. She has the patience of a saint, that one. She gets a fruit basket, too.

Now I'm just left with my thoughts.

I'm hoping to make it to 2:30. That's our 48 hour steroid mark. I'd love to make it longer. Depending who you talk to and when, that seems a possibility, though when I reference making it to 27 weeks, I am met with looks of skepticism. I'm not sure if it's real skepticism or just a refusal to think that far ahead.

I'm scared. I know you're thinking "duh." but really.. I'm scared of so much.
Of course, the most obvious is losing our precious baby. That's leaps and bounds above everything else, of course.

But I'm scared of the C section, too. It will be general anesthesia. A Classic C Section. Surgery is fine. But knowing my baby is being pulled out of me, worked on, whisked away, all while I lie artificially snoozing is petrifying. Knowing that I'm going to have to wake up and wait to hear the answer to "how is the baby?" is debilitating.

Knowing that I'm hours.. days, if I'm lucky, from seeing my tiny, under 2 pound baby in an isolate, full of tubes, unable to be protected by me.. well. You can't begin to imagine.

I feel cheated.
Yes, cheated. I haven't even made the 3rd trimester yet. I was just getting to the point of being able to identify what parts of what were jabbing me where. Just learning my Tater's habits. Tater likes icing. Prefers white butter cream. Tater is unimpressed by apple juice and won't kick for that. Tater is not a morning baby. Tater doesn't like it when mommy cries. What else would I have known in the next 3 months?

I will be cheated of the announcement; "It's a _______."

I am in a labor and delivery room, and the table where most babies are set for their welcome to the world sits in the corner taunting me. I suggested putting the flowers that came today on it. It may as well be used for something.

I am cheated of looking pregnant. The maternity clothes I finally ordered will be returned unopened.
Oddly enough, I don't feel the jinx guilt I thought I would. I think of the outfit that David brought home from Vegas and instead of thinking that we jinxed ourselves, I think of the relief I feel that at least we had bought the baby SOMETHING.

I had a melt down yesterday because we have nothing for the baby, but quickly melted a different direction because it doesn't matter that we have nothing for the baby because the baby isn't coming home for months anyway.

I am cheated of a baby laying on my chest, still covered in grossness and full of beauty.

I am cheated at true breast feeding, though I will pump for the NICU. They encourage it and I'm glad to serve some purpose.

I have been cheated of stupid things like my child birth class, and breast feeding class and hospital tour. All of which would have been wasted since I will never labor, will pump and wont' even deliver at the hospital we had planned on anyway.

I'm cheated of packing a hospital bag. Of arranging care for my animals. Of taking a shower before I went to the hospital. Of being able to lay on my side (the fetal monitor doesn't like that).

I'm cheated of holding my husband's hand as I push our baby out. Of seeing the look on his face when I finally make him a father.

It's 5am in the hospital on a day when it's entirely possible that I may give birth to our child and instead of being filled with excitement & giddy nervousness, I'm filled with dread & fear.

Dr. Sunshine tells me that if we deliver today, our baby's chance of meaningful survival (meaning being able to eventually take home a baby who will live a full life) is 68%. If you get grayer about meaningful, it's 85%. If we could make it 27 weeks, the meaningful survival rate hits 85% and the life rate is way up in the 90s.

When I asked the NICI doctor about the 68%, she frowned. I'm not sure she liked that he'd whipped out his handy dandy little flash card, but answered me anyway. She said that as far as I am concerned, I have 1 baby and we aim for 100%. I liked her a lot better. We decided her accent is Austrian and somehow that lent her a bit of credibility. I'm not sure why, but exotic accents sound smarter than doofy midwest American accents.

She did give me a real answer in that the hospital we're at is at or above that rate. So yes, it would be accurate. But this is the top NICU in our area, in the state, even, so we're in the best hands we can be.

That is some comfort, though it's really not enough.

In the mean time, I cycle somewhere between hopeful, calm, scared, panicked, guilty, and denial.

Everyone's kind words help. David loves to check my cell phone and announce "four new messages since you peed." Knowing we have so much love and support, so many prayers, it really is moving. I read some of them aloud.

After the big Tsunami, I saw Nate Berkus on Oprah talking about taking the letters from strangers to bed and just laying there reading them and crying. At the time, I thought it was sweet, but I didn't really GET it.

Now I do. People care. People are good. Hopefully we're about to add another to that list. There is hope.


Friday, May 30, 2008


David here...

No real changes. Peri came in and sort of blew our high. Wants to go for a whole week longer but doesn't think we'll get more than 24 hrs.

Trish finally got something to eat for lunch. But now the magnesium has caught up with her and she's feeling worse. It's expected, though, as it builds up in the system. Lack of sleep also isn't helping. She's getting light headed, shaky and a bit incoherent. I'm hoping she finally sleeps.

More later...

Thursday, May 29, 2008


What a difference a day makes.

I'm typing to you all from a hospital bed. Pre-Eclampsia.

Here's my whole story.

Essentially, I'd had no swelling or heartburn throughout my pregancy until last Friday. Last Friday, my feet got puffy. Not crazy puffy, but puffy. I figured it was just normal pregnancy swelling.

Tuesday I got "heartburn." It was pretty bad heartburn, but you know, again.. I'm pregnant. Suck it up and move on.

Tuesday night I went to bed and slept about an hour, then had to pee (of course).
After getting up and trying to go back to bed my stomach really hurt again. I was up most of the night pretty miserable.

Ate some breakfast, ate some tums, drank some milk, managed to get about 2 hours of sleep before work. At one point I started to dry heave and finally threw up a little bit of stomach acid.

I considered calling in because I REALLY didn't feel good, but decided I was silly to miss work over some heartburn and things are crazy at work, so just go on.

Was pretty uncomfortable most of the day. I sipped some water and managed to eat a fruit cup, but that was about it.

In the afternoon, I felt a little better and thought maybe it had passed.

Just before I got off work I started to feel cruddy again.

I was talking to a friend on a message board who had HELLP and delivered her daughter quite early and she was encouraging me to call the doctor. I told her if it continued to the next day, I'd call. But I was really expecting them to tell me that I was pregnant and heartburn was normal- I'll feel better in 14 weeks.

I compromised and decided to go by a BP cuff and see what it said.
It kept coming back REALLY high- like 170/105. But as you know, I'm a fat girl and the cuff is small. I figured it just wouldn't take right.

During the night, I felt sort of so-so but not HORRIBLE, managed to eat some chicken noodle soup and do okay.

Slept a few hours, woke about 9am this morning and felt pretty darned good. I thought *phew* that's over. Then I rolled over.

WHAM! Pain again. More "heartburn."

I thought of my friend and decided to call. Still thinking they were going to tell me I was crazy, of course.

I called and the nurse answered. I told her that I was 26w pregnant & had what amounted to the worst stomach ache I'd ever had (and I had an ulcer when I was 18, so it was pretty bad.) I told her that I really didn't have any swelling to speak of- my feet are a little puffy, but "I'm not going to die of Pre-E in the next 12 hours or anything." (Yes. That's what I said. Aren't I funny?)

She hemmed & hawed a little bit, and asked if I had happened to take my BP. I told her about the cuff. She said she thought I ought to come in. Be there in an hour.
When I got there, the nurse took me back and took my blood pressure- Twice.

I knew by the look on her face it wasn't good.

"Is it high?" I asked.


"How high?"

"168 over 105."

"Oh. That's HIGH."

"yeah, that's REALLY high."

She left saying that Krystin would be right in. Krystin is a NP.

About 45 seconds later, my doctor popped in and said "Hey girl, what are you doing?" I figured she saw me as she walked passed and came to say hi.

I said "Well, I've got a really bad stomach ache and apparently my BP is really high."

She replied "yes. And you're spilling a TON of protein into your urine."

She didn't have to say more. I knew.

I got quiet and said "Oh. So. Pre-E, then?" I was crestfallen, but still a little unsure where that left me.

She nodded.

I said "Now what?" Then I started to cry.

She told me that I was not to do anything else but was to go directly to a local hospital- NOT my hospital. When I clarified which hospital she meant, she explained I needed to go to the hospital with the best NICU.


Then she said words that will probably haunt me forever. "Hold on. I want to go check and see if we should send you by ambulance."

Wow. Ambulance.

Ambulance is serious. Ambulance is scary. Surely I don't need an ambulance.

She left. I cried some more.

I called my husband. He was on his way to a meeting with his boss in the city car. Fortunately his boss is a helluva guy and had him drop him at the meeting promising he'd find a way back to work. David headed to the hospital.

I called a friend who is 10 weeks more pregnant than me and was talking to her when Dr. G popped her head in and asked if I was talking to my husband and if he could come get me.
My friend volunteered to come and I accepted.

They laid me back on the table and I waited.

While I waited for my ride, Dr. G brought me a copy of my records and told me everything was set up. The hospital was expecting me.

When I got the hospital, my husband met me in the waiting room. he'd already set things up at the desk.

They got me signed in and into a room. High risk L&D.

Nurses came. IVs were placed. Blood was taken. Doctors came.

In the end, I got a shot of steroids, a drip of magnesium to keep me from seizing, a saline drip & a baby & contraction monitor.

The daytime resident was not one to sugar coat. Her best case scenario was that I make it 48 hours- long enough for the steroids to work. She informed me that my "heartburn" was actually my liver hurting.

I went to perinatology for an u/s. The baby looks great. Weighing in at 1 lb 12 oz with good blood flow. Would be great for a 26 weeker if only the placenta supplying it with life was slowly poisoning its mom.

My blood pressures have been mostly in the 160s & 170s over the 90s. My latest one was 172/100. They went to call the resident. I guess that 100 mark scares them.

They tell me that my liver levels are elevated but not severely. My protein is a +3. Something hemo-something is very concentrated. I am considered severe pre-eclampsic.

The perionatologist visited this evening. He said I could get very sick and deliver tonight. Or I could linger like this for 6 weeks. He said average, he'd guess 1-3 weeks. Even another week would mean a lot.

My husband is with me. They left a bed for him.

I feel pretty okay, to be honest. I have a headache from crying off and on all day. But my stomach feels pretty good. I'm on clear liquids only so that may be why.

I'm in as good of spirits as possible, I think. I don't see much option but optimism at this point.

I've made a lot of jokes about jinxing myself by ordering maternity clothes or planning a drug free birth.

I'll be getting a classic, full anesthesia C-section instead. And I suppose I'll return the maternity clothes to Old Navy. Not much need for them when the hospital supplies beautiful, comfortable gowns.

At this point- we wait and see. I've got an extremely classy bedside cammode. They collect my pee for 24 hours and I guess we re-evaluate then.

If you're the praying type- even if you're not, please pray. Pray for lower blood pressure and no more protein. Pray we can stay pregnant another week. Another two. Anything.

Baby C is severely undercooked and as excited as I am to meet him or her, I promise I can wait a little longer.


Double digits

Well, I'm now firmly in double digit territory. I remember at the beginning thinking I'd NEVER get here. And as regular readers know, I never really believed it all along, either.

Twenty six weeks.

I feel the baby a lot now. Most of the day. It's to the point that when the baby is quiet, I feel like someone suddenly shut off a fan you hadn't noticed running until it got quiet. Not that I don't notice the baby moving, but it's become so regular that it's accepted.

I still revel on the big kicks. When the baby gets into a position where my belly bounced a bit, those are my favorite. I feel like it's the baby saying hello.

Two days ago heart burn hit me HARD.

I'm actually sort of convinced that my gall bladder is acting up. I've had trouble for weeks where I've had some pain in my upper belly. Sometimes bad enough that it hurts to stand because it seems to put pressure on it. Then the heart burn set in suddenly. I had a sleepless night last night, mostly just sitting around feeling a little sorry for myself wondering what I could possibly do to help.

After several doses of tums, Mylanta & Rolaids, and after throwing up a little stomach acid, I managed to pull myself together and go to work. I was fairly uncomfortable most of the day, but it finally eased a bit in the afternoon.

It was back in the evening, but tonight I managed to eat some soup and not die, so that's improvement. I'm hoping for some more sleep tonight.

In other news, it's time for me to register. My first shower is only a few weeks away. I got a call tonight asking where I'm registered and I had to say nowhere.

I find the whole thing daunting. I have no idea how to PICK stuff. I don't even know what stuff to pick. A car seat, a stroller, a pack-n-play. What else?

A friend has offered to go with me to register and I'm grateful. But I still don't even know where to start.

I paid some attention to the big thing about car seat saftey, but don't know which finally passed muster. No one seems to just love their stroller. I know I want a pack-n-play with a full bassinet on top, but haven't even begun to look at them.

It's all just so overwhelming.

I did finally order some maternity clothes yesterday. They should be in in about a week. I'm just hoping most of it fits. I didn't even have a panic attack when I ordered them. I waited until the baby was particularly active and went for it.

I am to the point where I realize I'm really, probably having a baby. I'm not to the point where I'm relaxed. I'm not sure that will ever come. I still worry about the baby coming to soon. I'm slightly obsessed with reading stories about pre-term babies surviving. Not that I have any real reason to believe this baby is coming early, but it's the next in my long list of stuff I'm scared of, so that's where I'm at.

Big stuff happening.

I love almost all of it.


Sunday, May 25, 2008


So, we don't talk about the baby.

Really, not much at all. When we do, it's more of a round about conversation. We'll discuss that we need to get the house ready. Or details of maternity leave. But not really ABOUT the baby.

I don't know why.

I mean, I know why I don't. It freaks me out. Shh... don't draw attention to it and maybe no one will take it away from us.

But I'm not sure why David doesn't. He may just be following my lead. I really don't know. Of course, to figure that out, we'd have to talk about the baby.

I still haven't bought a thing. I've been sitting here thinking about ordering some maternity clothes. Still working on the nerve. I'll get there.

So when David came home from a business trip to Las Vegas and brought souvenirs, I expected a t-shirt and a shot glass.

I opened a teeny, tiny bag that instead held a pair of orange pants, a bright yellow shirt with a flamingo on it and a bright green hat. Baby sized.

My husband. Mr. Clueless managed to buy the baby the first thing from us. I cried. I don't think I could possibly have loved my husband any more than I did in that moment.

And of course, I was stricken by how broad my fear really is because it also brought panic. I fought off the desire to drop it like it burned. And instead, I bawled. And then kissed the husband.

I would love to show you a picture of the outfit, but my camera's memory card seems to have taken a leave of absence. this is bad because I have absolutely no clue where it could be. It's always either in the camera in or the slot in the laptop and it's in neither of those places. I may have to break down and buy a new one.

Of course, I also need to get my camera fixed. The flash hasn't worked in over a year. That's on the list of things to be done before the thing that is happening that we don't talk about happening happens.


Thursday, May 15, 2008


It is now after 1am on Thursday. 24 weeks.
As of today, my baby is considered to have a possiblity of viability outside the womb.
While by no means does this mean Baby C can come any ol' time, it is a milestone that has meant a lot to me.

I'm going to actually consider buying some maternity clothes. And maybe looking at baby stuff. It'll probably take some working up to, but I'm going to try.

In other news- my glucose tolerance test is in the morning. I'm interested to see how that pans out. I was insulin resistant to start with, so I'm steeling myself for failure, and hoping to at least pass the 3 hour. But I sure wouldn't mind passing the 1 hour and being done with the chugging of not-so-great-stuff.

Wish me luck!


Saturday, May 10, 2008


I'm sorry for the quiet.
To those who have written to check in- thank you. It's nice to be missed.

Honestly, no news is good news. Or at least, not bad news. I'm at 23w2d. I'm sort of holding my breath for 24w at this point.
I had a regular OB check last Monday and she gave me the rundown of milestones.

24w is possible viability
28w is even better
32w is pretty darned good
34w the baby would need a little time in the NICU, but not a lot.
Then 37w is full term.

I'm so focused on that 24w mark that last night I dreamt I was 24w and said "okay, the baby can come now." then realized what I was saying and said "NO NO NO! I don't mean that! A few more weeks! A few more weeks!"

I'm feeling mostly okay. I've been having a lot of trouble with insomnia for the last week. So much so that I took several vacation days just to sleep. It's been 2 weeks since spotting (so you know, I'm due any time now. *sigh*) I've had some crampy days but that's probably to be expected. I'm now officially up 1 pound since pre-pregnancy. My back still gives me fits and my pubic bone feels essentially like I'm splitting in half a good deal of the time, but I'm managing. I just waddle a little. It's a small price to pay.

The baby is moving more and more, though sometimes still has long stretches of quiet which freaks me out occasionally. I sort of wonder how I'm going to feel after the baby comes. Will I miss the feeling? I've had several days where the baby was busy all day long and when s/he sleeps, I suddenly feel like something is missing. Feeling the baby move is definitely the best part of pregnancy. Even when little feetsies are smashing into my bladder. Love every minute of it. Of course, I haven't peed myself in a gush yet, so we'll see if that changes if that happens.

Anyway, I'm still scared. Believe me. Still scared. Always scared. But being close to what feels like a real possibility of a baby is nice. Of course, as I said, I feel like I'm holding my breath for 24w. Five more days. Five more days.

I'm telling myself that at 24w I have to start researching baby items. Maybe buy some maternity clothes. Start a registry. We'll see if I find a reason to put it off again then, but right now, that's what I'm telling myself.

Thanks for the continued well wishes. We can always use them.