Halfway through.

Well, I'm halfway through the two week wait.
I honestly don't know how to summarize how I feel emotionally. Hopeful & scared, I guess. Every twinge I feel I think is that implantation? Maybe it's uterine stretching. It's more likely just gas.

It's been a long week, honestly. A friend's grandpa died. David was a pall bearer. I was only able to get 1 day off of work, so I had to drive 2 1/2 hours south after work on Tuesday. I work til 10, so by the time I got home, packed up and got on the road, it was after 2am before I got in. Then had to get up, go to the funeral, and drive back home that evening. Then go back to work the next day. And work has just been tiring. It's been raining and gloomy all week and by Friday I was just in some kind of super foul mood. I got so upset over something dumb that I was shaking. Then someone said something nice to me and I started to cry.

Then, of course, some people took that as a sign that I'm pregnant. Wouldn't that be great? But really, that just served to make me feel guilty. Because then I think that when I'm NOT pregnant, I'm going to let the people really rooting for me down.

As for physical symptoms.. all I can really say is that I have had some twinges that I don't think can be attributed to gas, but could just as well be attributed to a corpus luteum cyst in there. I have been emotional, but we had 4 straight days of rain. I could be pregnant or I could just need to mark Seattle off of possible places to ever live. My temps have been above 98 for 3 days which isn't really odd, except in their consistency. But honestly, my last pregnancy my temps didn't really climb to a steady third high until something like 19dpo. So it's probably just coincidence. My boobs don't hurt AT ALL. They were every so slightly sore during my first pregnancy, though I went back and checked and that set in 8dpo. Who knows.

I really am just trying to get through. And trying to decide what to do about next cycle. Try or skip? I'd like to skip for a few reasons. One, I see the new RE on the 17th. Assuming I'm not pregnant, that should be CD5. If she wants to do anything fancy, we would probably start the next cycle anyway. Plus, I really want to go to a lunch get together with some internet friend on Memorial weekend. Which, as luck would have it, should be when I'm ovulating. So I'm trying to decide if I want infertility to keep me from yet another thing I enjoy. I haven't honestly made up my mind yet. Hopefully I'll be pregnant and it'll be a moot point. But I'm not wholly convinced.

Anyway, that's really it for me. I find myself in a sad mood tonight for reasons that have nothing to do with babies.

Tomorrow should be a brighter day.