What a day we had yesterday.
The IUI went about as well as I could hope for.
We got to the doctor's office just a minute or two early and no one was there. Which is a lovely feeling when I have a cup of jizz in my bra.
I was actually amazingly calm. Far calmer than I've been for past IUIs. I didn't have that feeling of wanting to scream "THE BOYS ARE DYING!" which was a nice change of pace.
Anyway, so we get there and wait. About 5 after 11 I start to feel a little stressed. What if she forgot us? So I paged her. She called back a minute or two later and told us she was 2 minutes away. And shortly thereafter she pulled in.
She took the sample and told us to have a seat. A few minutes later she came out and said "Some people think it's weird, but I like to ask - would you like to see the pre-washed sperm under the microscope?"
"Hell yeah, I would!" I said. I hopped up and looked back and David and asked if he didn't want to see. Nope. He just pulled his ball cap down over his eyes and mumbled "Umm, no, that's okay."
So I ran off to see our future children in the microscope. I was honestly afraid I wouldn't be able to. I haven't looked in a microscope since college and science was NOT my best subject.
But sure enough, there they were. I saw some swim across the "screen" and even more just laying there, tails flipping lifelessly. Lazy fuckers.
I walked back to the waiting room and said "I saw your swimmer, baby!" and I heard Dr. Midkiff start laughing. She said that the guys are always shy about it. Yep. He was embarrassed. Silly boy. I'm there to get my hoo-ha probed and he doesn't want to look at some sperm. Hmmph.
Anyway, she sent them through the centrifuge and we waited.
Then we went to the room to get nekkid. No paper blanket for me. I go to a fancy place now. It's fabric. Stylishly blue.
In came Dr. Midkiff and I said "So how's the count?" Then I held my breath.
She said it was fair.
Pre-wash - 10 million
Post-wash - 20 million.
I was ecstatic. 20 million! Right on! The month we got pregnant we had 28 million. I was praying for 20. Thanks God!
The cramping wasn't nearly so bad this time. When she threaded the catheter through my cervix, I got the usual craaaaaaaaaaaaamp. But I didn't get the 2nd cramp that I got last month when she shot the swimmers in there. (I had no small amount of amusement when the doctor actually used the term "swimmers" ie "I'm inserting the swimmers now.")
She put a cap over my cervix to keep the swimmers in. Dr. Midkiff had told me last month that I should lave the cap in for at least 4 hours and to call her if I had any trouble removing it. She said in 10 years she'd had 2 women break the string on the thing and have to come back in. This month she asked if I'd had any problems last month and I said no. No biggie.
We discussed a few details (referrals to the RE, my suspicious of a cyst etc) and we were on our way. The cramps had eased by the time we got home.
I spent the rest of the day in bed anyway. All the bloating that I had felt the day before had finally eased, but I still felt a little "off." It was a good enough excuse to lay in bed and watch TV for me.
We ended up going out for a nice dinner and then came home and really did a lot of nothing.
About 9:30 I had to pee and thought that I really needed to take that cap out.
So I pulled.
By now, the string from the thing was about to cut my finger. This thing was NOT budging. The more I pulled, the string would just slide around my finger.
So I got a comb and wrapped the string around the handle thinking that if I could just keep it from sliding, I'd be good.
Yeah. Not so much. The string broke. "UH OH."
I came out of the bathroom and paged the doctor. Then I went running for David. "Honey, I have a problem." He looked amused. I was trying to decide how freaked out I was.
So I waited for the phone to ring. I made another attempt to reach the thing. I could touch it, but couldn't get a grip on it.
The phone wasn't ringing. David came back to the bedroom to check on me and I asked if he thought he could try to get it. Being the good husband that he is, he rolled up his sleeves and washed his hands. He seemed far more amused than me.
So. Some lube, a flashlight and some time with my husband that I'll never forget later- it was out.
Thank God, because Dr. Midkiff never called back. And I REALLY didn't want to go to the ER and tell them I had a hunk of plastic stuck in my vagina.
It wasn't the most pleasant experience of my life but didn't really hurt. No worse than any pap smear I've ever hurt. My ego, however, didn't fair as well.
Thankfully my husband was nonplussed. Afterward I said "Bet you've never gotten such a good look at a cooch." His response? "Yeah! I've never gone fishin' in one before."
True love, for sure.
Anyway, now we pray. Pray for conception. Pray for stickyness. And pray that the suction of that damned cervical cap didn't pull anything outta there.
You may commence laughing at me now.