Sunday, October 21, 2007

Sneak Attack


What was that noise you heard?

That was sorrow sneaking up on me.

Today (Saturday) was my husband's birthday. The day was actually nice. A friend was in from out of town. We had a long lunch & hung out. I got the house cleaned & got a cheesecake from the Cheesecake Factory (Chocolate Mousse.. YUM!) and then got dressed up all prettified.

We met David's best friend and his fiance at David's favorite restaurant & had a lovely meal. Then we all headed back to our house to enjoy the cheesecake & good company.

On the drive home, we passed our local hockey arena. It also hosts a lot of concerts. It was brimming with people & well lit in the night, so it drew our attention.

David brought up a friend who paid an exorbitant amount of money for Hannah Montana tickets for the show at the arena. That lead to a conversation about what we'd spend money on for our kids. David mentioned that going to a baseball game would be different.

All of a sudden I could picture in my mind's eye David at a Cardinal's game with his son. I started to smile at the thought when all of a sudden the sadness overwhelmed me. I started to well up with tears before I even realized what had happened.

All I could think was that David may never have a son to take to a game and what a true tragedy that would truly be. I shook it off pretty quickly, but holy shit, did it get me good. Even typing this all out made me cry all over again.

David would be a great father and I'm not sure I'll ever see it come to fruition. That sucks.



Meghan said...

I hate those sneak attacks...those thoughts are like ninja's...knocking you down when you least expect it.

Hope the cheesecake made you feel a little bit better, I always find eating my emotions helps

KarenO said...

I'm so sorry that you have to deal with this at all. It's something you can only understand if you've been there yourself. Hang in there, be strong, and don't ever give up hope :)

Fertilize Me said...

I am sorry that those pesky thoughts are always lingering and sneak up on us. I am glad you were able to shake it off for the rest of the night

Changing Expectations said...

The sneak attacks are bad - coming up in a fraction of a second and lasting for a lot longer.

Hang in there

:: moondancer :: said...

I've got those sneak attacks before too... it's like we are WHAM! instantly in our heart and all the wounds are tore open again. Just becos of an innocent statement (to them) which meant a WHOLE HELL LOT to me.

Just to let you know you are NOT alone..

ultimatejourney said...

I'm sorry about the sneak attack. I'm glad you were still able to enjoy yourself, and please know that you WILL be parents one way or another, if that is what you want. I hope this surgery is just what you needed to get there.

LJ said...

First off, chocolate mousse is divine.

Second, I hate those sneak attacks - they are just killers