Today (well, Monday was, it's technically Tuesday morning now) is my birthday. Thirty-one.
It was a nice day. I took the day off work & slept in. Saw a movie, (The Kingdom- VERY good) met the husband for dinner. He sent me some purple roses. They smell sooo good.
Saturday we had a small party. Well, party is overstating it. We went to a Japanese Steakhouse & then came back to my place for cake.
I had a really great time. I'm clearly old because we did no drinking and just sat around and talked til after 1 am and I had THE BEST time.
I did have an odd moment during dinner. Two of the sets of friends that were with us have experienced infertility or miscarriage. The only person who was with us who has children was MY dad. That's out of the 10 of us.
Now, the infertile friend and I became friends based on our IF (though our friendship is so much more than that now.) So that makes sense. The other had a miscarriage a few months ago (between my first & second) but we were friends before that. The others just aren't at the point in their life to be trying.
And you know what? The night was so nice. No one said anything stupid to me. We were able to laugh & joke & be ourselves w/no pressure. What a fabulous evening.
That being said, it occurred to me that I don't talk to my friends who have children very much these days. Two of my closest friends, whom I have been friends with for at least a decade have children. Neither of them even know about my 2nd pregnancy. I feel so completely withdrawn from them.
Both of them conceived almost immediately after trying for all of their children. No miscarriages, nothing. One of them has in-laws who tried for a baby for about 3 years before conceiving. Infertility isn't foreign to her. But I just find so little to say.
The biggest thing in their lives are their kids. Completely logically, they'll talk about them.
The biggest thing in my life is my lack of kids. So of course, I want to talk about it. But they just don't get it at all. Cervical mucous? Pee sticks? Negative pregnancy tests? Dildo cams? Yeah.. I'm sure I'm a treasure to be around.
They are willing to listen. I'm just not willing to talk. I feel resentful of people who "don't get it." It isn't that they're not sympathetic or good friends to me. I just.. I've isolated myself.
At first it was self-preservation. Now it's just habit. And I'm not quite sure what to do about it.
Anyway.. This is mostly just late night ramblings as usual. Just something that was rolling around in my brain.
Overall, the birthday was good. I'm a *little* bummed about being a year closer to that magic 35, but not so bad.
My birthday wish is no secret. For 32 to see me as a mother..
-- Trish
Tuesday, October 2, 2007
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14 comments:
HAPPY BIRTHDAY. I understanding the isolation thingy. When common ground, is no longer common ground, It's hard to stand on together
Happy, happy birthday!
Happy birthday!!
I totally get the isolation as a habit thing. Now that we've started to tell people, I still don't want to talk to them about it. On some level, it's easier to keep it all to myself
Glad you had a good night!
Happy birthday to you!
I hope you get your wish this year too.
Happy birthday to you!!! May your wish come true!!
Shhh... I'm 34, lol
Happy Belated Birthday.
Glad to hear you had a wonderful time :)
My birthday is in a week and a half and I'm turning 31 too. I have the exact same wish. I hope we both are granted our wish!
Happy Birthday! I'm glad you had fun with your non-parent friends. =)
HAPPY (late) BIRTHDAY TRISH!
"At first it was self-preservation. Now it's just habit." wow. you said it perfectly.
Happy (belated) Birthday!
I you not alone in your isolation. I guess that is a bit of a contradiction, but you know what I mean. There is something about infertility - so painful, personal, something - that just makes it hard to relate to people with kids.
I have often wondered if I am ever successful, who will I hang out with afterwards? I can imagine hanging out with other moms who haven't worked so hard to get there and people still TTC won't want to hang out with me.
Happy belated birthday! So sorry I'm late!
I also hope that you'll have a baby in your arms before the next birthday rolls around. XOXO
Happy Happy Birthday to you too! Glad you enjoyed yourself on the night out! :)
I can really understand your not talking to frens with children anymore. It kills me when hubby and I have to attend dinner gatherings of his buddies whom ALL of them have children. All of them have their hands full with kids and we (or at least, myself) were like 2 dumb statues sitting there, not knowing what to say to them (we are both shy and not the kind who'd go coo-ing other people's kids). They too have given up asking when we're having children. I can't help but have to build a cold wall around me to protect myself from being hurt by their insensitive comments.
Happy Birthday to you. May this be the year of wishes.
I think it is too hard to talk to others at times too. I get so mad at people who don't get it that I just don't want to try. Easier all round that way.
Happy birthday!
You're right, they don't get it. They have absolutely no idea what any of the treatments are like, much less any of the emotional impacts.
I was one of them and I actually feel blessed in some ways to have gone through IVF. It opened my eyes so much to what people go through to have children. I honestly didn't have a clue before that. I feel like there was an entire world of amazing people out there who probably were hesitant to talk to me, as a mother of three who had no freaking idea what EWCM was.
I know that I would have been more than willing to listen, but I wouldn't have been the best choice simply because I had no clue. So, I think that, for now, you've done the right thing to find people who do understand.
Oh, honey, I SO understand this!
"They are willing to listen. I'm just not willing to talk. I feel resentful of people who "don't get it." It isn't that they're not sympathetic or good friends to me. I just.. I've isolated myself.
At first it was self-preservation. Now it's just habit. And I'm not quite sure what to do about it."
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