When we decided to try for another baby, my biggest fear was very clear in my mind. It was getting sick before the possibility of viability.
I don't remotely feel like 24 weeks brings any assurances of survival. This baby is NOT allowed to come yet. Not for a good long while. But when I thought of The Worst, the image in my mind was very clear.
I could see myself begging doctors for steroid shots, begging them to try to save him or her. I had all too clear an image of the sad but resigned look on their faces as they explained that there was simply no hope.
I know that if I got sick tomorrow, the baby could very well not survive even the process of being born, let alone the complications of prematurity thereafter. I'm by no means throwing a V-day party.
But I am happy to mark one milestone off the list. At this point, the medical professionals would at least try.
I have sixteen more days to go to reach the point at which Robbie was born. From moment to moment, I think "we've got that in the bag" or "sixteen days is a long freaking time..." I'm a little concerned how that milestone is going to feel. When I picture reaching it in my mind, I get very emotional. I was there, but it still seems unreal to me that Robbie came at such a close stage that I'm at now. This baby is very likely about the size that Robbie was when he was born (he was closer to the size of an average 24 weeker.)
I'm feeling so much movement these days, habits becoming more clear, my attachment growing stronger every day. And to think of this baby struggling the way that Robbie did is terrifying. Knowing how amazing Robbie is now and that he did survive all of that is somewhat comforting, but I do still sometimes stroke the scars on his stomach, his feet, his hands and inwardly weep for all that he endured. I don't want this baby to suffer the same way.
So I ask for continued prayers. For the next 16 days to speed by uneventfully.. along with another 13 weeks. And if you're in the praying mood, how about another one for Robbie. He's having another hearing check tomorrow. The last one, given before his 2nd set of ear tubes was placed, showed moderate hearing loss. We're hoping the tubes have cleared that up, but we will know for sure tomorrow. He could use a little boost.