On the other hand...

Well, I guess I shouldn't have posted that last post so early in the day.

Just a couple of hours later, my OB's office called with lab results. Most were "stable" but my protein had increased to 384. That's not freak-out-kidney-failure level, but that's not good, particularly in that it's gone up over 100 points in a week. They wanted me to come in immediately for steroid shots for the baby's lungs.

To say I didn't take the news well would be an understatement. I tried to get myself together so I could tell my bosses what was going on and leave, but of course, the minute I tried to speak, I started crying. One of the bosses offered to drive me to the hospital, which was nice.

I opted to go myself. There was some chaos in trying to figure out where to get the shots from, ultimately coming from the hospital pharmacy. But here's a little tidbit for you- the hospital has at least 3 pharmacies. I know because that's how many I visited before I found the right one. Then I get there and apparently my insurance (which really is normally quite good) didn't cover them. Fortunately they were less than 50 dollars, but seriously... if they admitted me to do the shots, I bet they'd be covered then. I was frustrated.


I then headed back to my OB's office to have the first shot administered. I go back tomorrow at the same time to get the 2nd.

I don't exactly know what the plan is from here. When the nurse called she said weekly labs & monitoring from here on out and get the shots. Honestly, I was so overwhelmed I didn't think to ask if I needed to schedule another appointment or anything. Since I have to go back tomorrow, I will get it all worked out then.

I then headed home. I picked up Robbie and David met us at home. I spent a lot of time just hugging and holding Robbie tonight. I've checked my blood pressure and it's still fine. It was 122/72 tonight. We just hope that continues.

I did a lot of feeling sorry for myself, some praying, some more crying. I talked to Chello and told her I am sorry I was letting her down. I did a lot of thinking about the things that Robbie went through in the NICU and about how happy and wonderful he is in spite of all of it.

David keeps saying we've survived it once, we can do it again. I know all too well that even as unlucky as we were, we could be even unluckier this time. There are no guarantees.

But I also know that I could linger like this for weeks, too. As long as my protein doesn't shoot up and my BP stays under control and nothing else goes haywire, I could go quite a while longer. I did some bargaining with God (okay, more like begging...) for at least 4 more weeks. Thirty weeks is way too early, but when you're looking at it from 26, it seems pretty hopeful. More would be even better.

The truth is that it is what it always has been- in God's hands. I know, as I did with Robbie, that God walks with me through this journey no matter what it may bring. I hope and I pray that it brings good things, but I know that isn't promised, either. For now, I surrender it to God and know that He carries me. And I know that he has sent a lot of love and support from all walks of the world, and I'm feeling that love tonight.

Please say some extra prayers for Chello and me tonight. And David and Robbie, too. We could all use them.


--Trish