Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Tick Tock

I'm now 26w6d pregnant. It's a relief to be staring down 27. My next goal is 28 as odds for the baby improve a fair bit at that point. But I also feel a bit like a ticking time bomb. I have no idea how long my fuse is.

I have set about a sort of forced nesting. In an effort not to focus on the things I can't control - mainly the dangers of extreme prematurity- I am trying to focus on the things I can, at least to some extent.

I've done paperwork for our insurance, double checked my company's leave policy, arranged our finances, gone through baby clothes. This weekend I will order the co sleeper and the dresser for Chello. There are things that still overwhelm me. Child care for Robbie is top on the list. He will go to school every day, but thinking about the possibility of being in the hospital on bed rest for a long time terrifies me. I know that I wouldn't be able to see him every day. The hospital is just too far from home and Robbie needs a routine that wouldn't allow him to visit frequently. Just thinking about missing him makes me cry. And even after the baby comes, I know that with school comes germs and that can get very tricky with the NICU. It's one of those situations that we'll have to figure out when we know what we're dealing with. But that doesn't keep me from obsessing over it anyway.

Everyone has been incredibly supportive and kind and prayerful. I really do feel incredibly blessed. I am blessed with every day of this baby still in my womb, and by the love of those around me. Even my coworkers brought me to tears yesterday. When I walked into work as scheduled, everyone was shocked. I just smiled and said "I'm here. Still pregnant." and the room burst into cheers. They'd all seen me leave in tears on Thursday (when I left to get my steroid shots) and feared the worst. It was good to have a little celebration.

My facebook page is full of well-wishes and inquiries. Everyone wants to know what they can do. I wish I knew. I just keep asking for more prayers because truly, it's the only thing we need and really the only thing that will do any good.

I am feeling pretty good, overall. (You know, beyond the back-ache, insomnia and constant peeing.) I am noticing some changes that make me nervous. My feet are swelling most every day now. My blood pressure has crept up just slightly the last 2 days. I'm even more tired than I was before. None of these symptoms are outside the realm of normal for a woman who is 6 months pregnant, though, so I never know how alarmed I should be. I had more labs drawn on Monday, the results should be in tomorrow. I have another OB appointment on Thursday. We'll see what they show.

I am curious to hear with my OB has to say. She always has a way of calming me down but not snowing me either. I want to know what she really thinks.

For me, I'm still trying to focus on a baby in November. I have stopped even entertaining the idea of 100% full term, but I'm still hoping to surprise what is probably everyone and make it at least that far. November 3 would be 34 weeks and while that's still too damned soon, right now it feels like a year away. But even before I got pregnant, I felt like November would bring a baby. I thought it would be a baby for a friend who was adopting, but she got her baby in May (YAY!) so that leaves me. A November baby for me. Please.


1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Hoping for good results on your labwork today!:)