Step 4 (edited)

Remember this post?
Particularly the part that goes a little something like this:

Step 1: Stop freaking bleeding. (After passing everything, thank you.)
Step 2: Start bleeding again.
Step 3: Lots of tests.
Step 4: Find some simple, easy to fix problem.
Step 5: Fix said problem.
Step 6: Start bleeding again.
Step 7: Get pregnant.
Step 8: Have live, healthy baby.


Well, I need to amend it a bit.
Steps 1-3 are done.
Step 4 has gotten a little hinky.

It seems I have a septum.

I had my saline sonohysterogram on Tuesday. It wasn't so bad, really. I was a little nervous. A lot of people don't think IUIs hurt, but honestly, I usually get fairly crampy. The thought of another catheter & a uterus full of saline didn't sound great.

As it happened, I was probably ovulating the same day as the test. That worked out in my favor (IMO) because my cervix was fairly open. The cath pinched for half a second. She started pumping the water in and asked how I was doing. Honestly, other than a slightly cool feeling, I didn't feel anything.

We're all (Me, the doc & the U/S tech) staring at the screen intently. My uterus blew up a little and she said "let's see if we can get a better look." Then she started pushing the saline a little harder. I got one good cramp out of that. I said aloud "Oh yeah.. I feel THAT." She apologized but right away said to the u/s tech, "do you see that?" The two of them jibber jabbered in speak that I didn't quite understand. They poked around a bit more and focused in on a couple of bright white spots trying to decide if they were air bubbles. Lots more fluid. No more cramps. They decided the white spots weren't bubbles.

And then it was over. Honestly, I'd say it was probably less than 10 minutes. Other than the one medium-strong cramp, I felt fine. The worst part of the whole thing was my soaking wet bum. They let me get up and get cleaned up (read: dry off) and dressed. I felt mildly crampy (way less than even period cramps) for about 20 minutes afterward.

The meeting with the doc actually surprised me. All the stuff they'd been talking about was apparently secret code for "septum and 2 small polyps." The polyps are tiny. If I can remember what I saw on the screen they were 2mm & 4mm, respectively. They probably wouldn't do anything about them if that was the only problem.

The septum is more troublesome. She said it was partial. I didn't get the full double barrel thing, but it was definitely there. She pulled off a couple of screen shots and in most it looks small, but the other it looked pretty thick (even to my untrained eye.)

So- lucky me- another surgery. The plan is to call when I start my period and from there we schedule a hysteroscopy. Of course, given the trouble I had waking up last time, the minute she said surgery, I wrinkled my nose. I told her about the trouble last time (she didn't know) and she offered to do it in the office. She said she prefers to do it in the hospital because while the risks are small, if I should bleed unexpectedly, there are resources available. She also said doing it in the office means a lot of pain. I opted for the hospital. Woe is me.

It'll likely be the 17th of October if things go as I expect. Three days off of work. Then next cycle we can start trying again.

Honestly, I wasn't thrilled at the news. I know that logically, it's good news. She told me that a septum is the #1 cause of recurrant pregnancy loss. Okay, I've got one, we fix it, that's good. But honestly, it just seemed like yet another fucking thing wrong with me.

My ovaries are fucked, my husband's sperm is fucked, and now my uterus is fucked, too. And the idea that maybe one or both of our babies would have made it if this had been discovered sooner really bothers me, too.

Years and years ago I had a 12 week period. I had a ton of tests and was at one point scheduled for a hysteroscopy. The day before the surgery, I stopped bleeding and they scratched the whole thing. If only we had done it then, maybe they'd have seen it and fixed it then. Who knows.

I know rehashing things that can't be changed is pointless, but it does eat at me a little bit. My body may well have killed our babies. Add another dose of pointless guilt.

But.. we know now and we'll fix it. It's a minor surgery and a relatively easy fix. Let's just pray it works.

So.

New list.

Step 1: Stop freaking bleeding. (After passing everything, thank you.)
Step 2: Start bleeding again.
Step 3: Lots of tests.
Step 4 (edited): Find some obvious, not-so-difficult-to-fix problem.
Step 5: Fix said problem.
Step 6: Start bleeding again.
Step 7: Get pregnant.
Step 8: Have live, healthy baby.

Onto step 5.


--Trish


P.S. I apologize for the delay in this post. I was having some issues signing into blogger.