Saturday, November 3, 2007

Back in the Game

Well, I'm back on the TTC train.

I had my post-op appointment went Dr. M on Monday. It was, indeed, a giant polyp. She said it was about as wide & long as the first two knuckles of her index finger. So, approximately 2" long and 1/2" wide. It actually seems crazy to me there was something that big in there. It's gone now, so that's good.

A picture, for your viewing pleasure.

She said they're normally pink, but mine was white. She doesn't know why. It was large & odd enough that she thought it was possible leftover tissue from my last pregnancy, but the tests disagreed. Just a giant polyp.

I thought momentarily that she was going to make us wait another while to try again. She said we should wait a bit, but knew we wanted to get back to it. I said it had been 3 months since my miscarriage & she glanced at my chart and said "Oh, then we're okay."

I left with three scripts. Metformin ER, (Oh my god, it's so much better than regular Metformin that I seriously can't even believe it's the same drug. My GI tract is SO thankful.) Clomid & a Z-pack. The antibiotic is just precautionary. She had previously explained that some women carry a bit of infection in their uterus and aren't aware of it, so we'd do a round just to be certain that wasn't an issue.

I started spotting on Wednesday night, full fledged period on Thursday. That was sort of a relief, because my last two periods, I spotted for a good 3 days before my period, which isn't normal for me. I was glad to see something in the neighborhood of normal again.

I'm now set up for a follie scan for CD12. I assume I'll be ready to go that day, will trigger that night & IUI on Wednesday the 14th.

I'm nervous. I've had 5 rounds of Clomid now. My progesterone has been very good every time, but the last one was a lot lower.

Clomid Cycle 1- Progesterone: 27
Cycle 2- Progesterone: 34 (1st pregnancy)
Cycle 3- Progesterone: 25
Cycle 4- Progesterone: 24
Cycle 5- Progesterone: 15 (2nd pregnancy)

I realize that 15 is a good number. But to see it drop so much worried me even before I found out I was pregnant. Plus it was tested twice during my pregnancy and never went up. It was 15 both times. I just worry that my body isn't doing what it's supposed to.

So, I'm interested to see what happens this month. If it'll be higher like the first 4 cycles, or even lower.

I've decided I don't even care if I get pregnant this cycle because I'm so concerned about the progesterone stuff that I want to see what happens. My doctor is in the camp that believes that low progesterone levels are a symptom of a bad pregnancy, not a cause. Personally, I'd rather err on the side of caution & be supplemented.

I would appreciate anyone's insight on this. Particularly those of you who may have had a progesterone issue & then a successful pregnancy.

I actually feel pretty good about cycling again. Of course, the thought of actually being pregnant again makes me feel like vomiting. That's funny, considering I don't tend to do that when I actually AM pregnant. Morning sickness- no. Nervous condition- absolutely.

I did very well last pregnancy. I wasn't eaten up with worry the way I was the 1st time. Not that either thing lead to any different outcome. But I was a bit more relaxed last time. I can already tell this time I'll be sick with worry again.

I'm praying a lot for God to take it from me. I'm working to really surrender it to Him. But it still comes and goes. And the more realistically I think about actually being pregnant again, the more it comes.

But, what can I do? Keep moving forward. Focus on the task at hand. This is the time that I most relate to Martha Stewart's daughter. When she said on Oprah that she was doing THIS right now - that she was treating it like a job - that's how I feel. Right now, I focus on getting pregnant. When that happens, I'll focus on staying that way.

For now, this is enough.



Tracy said...

RE ute pic:
I find it strangely interesting that I now have a color image of the inside of your uterus in my mind.

Perhaps I'm jealous.
After all I've only seen mine in a vague black and white u/s image, although some were 3-D shots. (How some of those pregnant women would be jealous of a 3-D ultrasound! Ah yes, the "benefits" of IF.) For my viewing pleasure, my uterus was up on the wall, on a plamsa TV screen. But it certainly wasn't in HD.
Anyway, that's a subject for my own blog perhaps.

I'm sure you would much rather be on the other side of the fertility aisle and not reap those lovely "benefits" of uterus snap shots.

On your meds:
I'm glad the new Met ER and your GI tract are on friendly terms. I hope your progesterone level reassures you this cycle. I might as well go full out on the Hope Ledge: I hope you have an awesome P4 and a perfectly doubling beta. I realize perching on the Hope Ledge isn't fun for yourself. Too much personal risk is involved. But I'm there for you, full of that annoying hope. (Please feel free to return the hope favor for me at a later date.)

On Alexis Stewart:
Christopher actually watched Oprah with me that episode. I recently asked him if he ever wonders whether we'll actually have our own bio children. Yeah, I was looking for some of that 2nd party hope. He threw Alexis' line back at me. He has confidence and hope that we will have a baby. This IS what we're doing now. Let's focus on now. And don't borrow any more trouble from the future.

Hugs, prayers, and good luck, sprinkled with a dose of hope to you.

niobe said...

The thought of pregancy may make you feel incredibly anxious, but I have to say that in this post you sound absolutely focused and determined. While I have zero insight on the progesterone, I'll be thinking of you.

Kierstin said...

you continue to be in my thoughts and prayers.

Yodasmistress said...

I don't have much insight on the progesterone issue... you can always get some OTC cream to use if it makes you more comfortable.

You mentioned the spotting. I'm sure your RE probably told you this but that is common with polyps. So now that you have it out maybe the spotting issue will not return.

Fingers crossed for you this cycle!

Carrie said...

I'm glad you're back in the game!

I agree with the 'one step at a time' plan. I know being pregnant will be all sorts of difficult but I'm not going to stress until we are there. Getting pregnant is my focus too.

J.E. said...

I've never been so happy for a women to get her period :)

And I'm glad to hear your trying again

Marz said...

Oh good stuff!!!
Good luck this month & hoping the prog #s go up!

JJ said...

I dont have much prog. insight--I hope that it does go UP, and hoping that you have success very soon!