Friday, November 16, 2007

Recap

I apologize for the delay. I actually have half a blog post written from Monday. In the midst of writing it, my Internet crashed & was down for a day and a half. (The impression I got from the cable company was that it was a large cable failure/cut.)

Then both David & I managed to contract the plague (aka: the flu.)

It's been a heck of a week. And those are just the good parts.

Monday, I had my follicle scan. Lefty had 2 big 'uns. 22 & 24mm. Righty gave it the ol' college try with 3 ~12mm. The only lazy ass was my uterus. My lining was only 5mm. She won me an estrogen patch. I triggered that night at 8pm.

Wednesday sucked. David had gotten sick Tuesday night. He drove home from his conference & wasn't home 20 minutes before he started throwing up. We had to be up at 6 to be to the doctor's office by 7:30. He was up sick several times during the night, and I was up listening to him.

We got there & David went to do his business. He left as soon as he was done so that he could drive back to the conference.

I knew it was bad when they lead me into a conference room instead of an exam room. 2.5 million with 20% motility. They asked if I wanted to go forward. I didn't have much of a choice. We had to try.

After she delivered the news to me and I decided to go forward, she left me alone for a few minutes to set up a room. I called David to tell him. We ended up arguing. His grand solution was "well, we'll try again next month."

That really wasn't what I wanted to hear at that moment. I told him that I wasn't sure that was the best idea. If his count is so bad, there doesn't seem to be much point in putting me through the swollen ovaries etc. I told him that we needed to make some changes to try to improve his count & then move forward. He's put on a lot of weight the last few months & it shows in his sperm count. Well, that made him defensive.

He ended up saying "I did all of this for YOU." The words cut me in two. I couldn't believe he'd said it. And I said as much. I told him that I didn't realize that I was the only one who wanted to have a baby. Then I told him I had to go & hung up. That was pretty much when the sobbing began.

He called back a few minutes later & apologized. He reassured me that he wants to have a baby, too. But he can only do so much. I told him that that wasn't enough. I've tried to get him to get his weight under control & he doesn't listen. His actions have a very direct affect on our lives. If he isn't willing to do anything about it, then IVF is our only option. I think that woke him up.

About then, it was time for the probing. The insemination itself wasn't too bad. The catheter hurt a bit going in. I described it for David that it was a little like having your teeth scraped at the dentist - not painful, but terribly uncomfortable. Fortunately it was over quickly.

The emotional part didn't go so quickly. I cried through pretty much the whole thing. Poor Good Nurse Crystal. She literally wiped my tears & tried to calm me down. Of course, the nicer she was to me, the harder I cried. I finally told her that. She left then. Poor thing. She deserves a medal, she really does. So much for the doctor describing me as "stoic."

As I was leaving, David called again. This time he was a man on a mission. "How much weight do you think I can safely lose in a month?" I told him not more than 10 pounds. So that's what he's decided. He has a goal & he will meet it. I guess the hurt feelings had waned by then.

I wish mine had. I went immediately to acupuncture. More crying. I walked in and she asked how it went. I said "Not well." and the tears started again. Again, she was super nice to me. There's a special place in heaven for the people who have to deal with weepy infertiles.

I finally calmed down a few minutes into acupuncture. It was a good hour & then I came home & took a long nap. I took a few hours off of work & just slept.

As the day wore on, I started feeling ill. I ended the day puking my guts out. David had given me his plague.

Yeah, yesterday was a fine, fine day.

But it's over. It's funny that I spent more than an hour sobbing yesterday and am totally fine today. I guess I got it out. So this month is a bust. (And yes, it's a bust. 500,000 motile sperm is a bust. And we can't even have sex to augment that because David was out of town.)

I don't know what to do about next month. Theoretically the count could have been even worse because he was sick. White blood cells are bad for the swimmers. But I do believe it's related to his hormone levels which is related to his weight. Even if he does manage to lose 10 pounds between now & next month, it won't show in his sperm yet.

My acupuncturist recommended some supplements to try to help, as well. For anyone interested:

to improve testosterone levels- ginseng
motility-a chinese herb called shan zhu yu
amino acids to assist in cellular replication and increase counts-L-arginine and L-carnitine(also improves motility)

I think I'll wait and see how I feel in a week or so before deciding about next month.

I did officially change RE's again. I went back to my first RE- Dr. Keller. Not that I didn't like Dr. M. But no one will ever beat Dr. K. So that's good, at least.

Anyway, that's how things stand now. Yesterday sucked. Today is better. That's about the best I can hope for... improvement.


--Trish

11 comments:

Fertilize Me said...

Trish - my goodness what a big giant pita ...rollercoaster. Good for you and hubby on being able to communicate- even if its rough. You are doing a great job on your marriage!

Stephanie said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Stephanie said...

Woops... I didn't mean to hit enter. But I love you. And I don't have anything that I haven't already said, but I'm praying for you constantly.

JJ said...

What a time you have had! I can relate on many levels...Mook and I have had constant "conversations" about what we can do to help improve the count/motility/morph. We have him taking the arginine/zinc...havent really seen HUGE improvement, but its worth it to try, right?
I hope you both are feeling better--sorry about the flu=(
I hope the swimmers were well enough to meet with your egg(s)!
Thinking of you all...

Carrie said...

I'm really sorry this all has to be so hard. I get mad at my husband too. He forgets to take his zinc. It's all he has to remember.
It's a different game for men. Hope you both manage to see things the same way and move on in this journey.

Meghan said...

Sorry you got in such a fight with your hubby. It's amazing how hard this all can be. Hope you guys end up on the same page (and that this cycle is it for you so all of that other stuff doesn't even matter!)

Diana said...

oh sweetie, hugs to you, glad the crappy day is over. i hope today is much better.

Anonymous said...

We think it is time you get off this damn rollercoaster! I'm glad you and David were able to talk and that you are feeling better. Tears does a body good. You know where I am and you know that prayers are going straight up! Hugs! and chocolate cookies (but none for David this time :) ) We love you, Becca & Clare & the boys too

FattyPants said...

I'm sorry it was so shitty. Our dr recommended lots of antioxidants too so I had him drink xelr8. I'm sure he didn't mean to be so crappy today, it must be hard to be told your sperm aren't good enough. It always seems the worst cycles are the ones that end up with bfps though. Keeping my fingers crossed.

Yodasmistress said...

"There's a special place in heaven for the people who have to deal with weepy infertiles."

Ditto that!

As far as the L-Argenine and L-Cartenine - something that is PACKED with that is Juven - it is usually given to individuals who are injured and healing but it is packed with good amino acids. Also, my DH takes "Argenaid" - it is only sold online but has a special group on the end of the Argenine complex that makes it easier to be absorbed.

I understand your feelings about the sperm count - at our IUI in march I got the same talk. My DH had 4M swimmers with 500,000 TMC too. They asked me if I wanted to go ahead or not too. I was like "I'm here aren't I?"

I'm sorry for all your tears this week. However your DH wanting to loose weight is a really good sign.

Hugs darlin!

P.S. My sister shares your name - same spelling even.

Anonymous said...

You are not alone!!! My hubby also tried to postpone our ivf program just because he's got a busy schedule, irregardless of how I feel or how prepared I already am to start that particular month. Sigh...but thank god your hubby called back and kept the communication with you.It sure was a rough journey but you're doing great!!!!