Sunday, April 1, 2007

Tick Tock Tick Tock

The two week wait continues.
I'm now 5dpo. (days post-ovulation) I have pretty much zero symptoms. I'm trying to think that's a good thing because I almost always have SOMETHING I can point to like "maybe." The month I was pregnant I was so completely symptom free that it was genuinely the first time in all of this that I was convinced I WASN'T pregnant.

I went back in my charts and checked what I noted last November. I had some cramps and some breast tenderness, but that was it. Well, that's pretty much every month for the last 15 years. The cramps were so normal that I walked around with a tampon in my pocket for 3 days. It's funny now, really. I was forever testing and getting negatives. That month, I was SO convinced I wasn't pregnant, I refused to test early. My period was due on a Thursday. Thursday morning-nothing. So I thought I'd test. Well, I used these Internet cheapie tests that came free with my OPKs. I thought that MAYBE I saw a line but it really looked like an evaporation line. I still wasn't even hopeful. The cramps were pretty intense. I ran to the bathroom at least twice that day with a tampon convinced I'd started. Nothing. So I came home and used another freebie. Same response. Convinced I was losing my mind I didn't even say anything to David.
The next morning- STILL no period. I haven't been late since I was about 15 years old. My periods are occasionally wonky, but I'm always early- never late. So I used another freebie. Just as blank as blank could be. I was actually almost relieved. No interpretation required. Okay. Not pregnant. I can deal. We move on. Again- at work, I ran to the bathroom 3 or 4 times expecting blood. Nada.

I did that whole "hold the toilet paper in the right place" thing.. I just KNEW there had to be SOMETHING.
So I came home and used ANOTHER stick. This time, again- maybe an evaporation line. This time I took it to David and shoved it at him and said "How many lines do you see?"
He twisted and turned and said "One.. well.. maybe... but.. it looks like a shadow or something."

Great. Now we're BOTH crazy, right?

So I said that when we went out we'd get a store test and try again. Turns out that we didn't get a test until Saturday afternoon. I opted to wait til Sunday to use it because I figured by then I was 4 days late and it had to be correct.

By this time I was actually ANGRY. I knew I wasn't pregnant and now my period was late which meant something ELSE was wrong. I kept thinking "great- something else to delay our next try."

I got up Sunday morning and peed in a cup. I opted for the digital. No interpretation. It says "pregnant" or "not pregnant." I was still sitting on the toilet, dipped the test and set it on my knee, then turned the directions over to read something. I glanced back down and saw it had come up. It said "Pregnant." I did a double take. I twisted and turned it because I just KNEW that there was a "Not" in front of that. Nope. I was pregnant.

I came running out of the bathroom and said "I'm pregnant!" David said "you are?" I said "LOOK!!" and ran over and shoved the stick at him. He wasn't excited at all. He's not much of a morning person and was still in bed. I was literally jumping up and down.

After I finished my excitement, I went to sit on the couch in the quiet for a while. I was in shock.

And, of course, all of that is really on my mind this week. (Hence going back and looking at my November chart.) The breast tenderness started 8dpo. The cramps lasted the whole two weeks after the IUI. Today is the first day since Tuesday that I haven't had cramps at all. So of course, that makes me sad. No breast tenderness yet, either.

I'm fairly certain I'm not pregnant- which makes me think maybe I am. Such an oxymoron, right?

I have a progesterone test on Tuesday. Then the following Tuesday will be test day. I'm also sure there will be a lot of breast poking between now and then.

It's going to be a long week and a half.

1 comment:

me said...

Thanks for sharing more about last time; I didn't know a lot of that.
But wow, I can only imagine how painfully long this 2ww is going to feel! Praying, praying ... and hoping you find ways to distract yourself and make the time go faster.
Love you!