Thursday, March 13, 2008

Same ol' same ol'

I am so sick of spotting.

I was hoping it had stopped. I hadn't seen anything in 9 days. I got hopeful. You'd think I'd know better by now.

We're on vacation in Myrtle Beach. Granted, the last 2 days we've done a lot of walking around (and practically running through an airport because it seems to be the only way my husband can get through an airport - despite my insistence that we had more than an hour to go 20 gates), we played mini-golf on a course that involved lots of steps. I've had to lift my suitcase (weighed at the airport at 44 lbs) a couple of times. None of this is advisable. But it's also nothing that a NORMAL pregnant woman shouldn't be able to do.

I just went to the bathroom, did my check- nothing. Then actually went and wiped and glanced down- lo & behold- bright pink on the paper. Just a few little spots. I freak out (of course) and check again- nothing. Check again, hold the paper- nothing.

I come out of the bathroom and look aghast. David looks at me funny. I said "I'm spotting again."

Fortunately I packed the Doppler. 164 beats per minutes. I heard a kick or two in there as well. The baby even had the decency to move closer to the microphone just as I started counting. Nice and loud.

But WHY DOES MY BODY KEEP FREAKING ME OUT?

AND WHY CAN'T THEY TELL ME?

I'm 15 weeks pregnant today, enjoying a vacation in one of our favorite places with my very favorite person in the world, less than a week from our second anniversary and here I am, terrified again.

I'M SO SICK OF IT! I just want to enjoy my pregnancy. I just want to feel safe. I just want to be a mom, damn it.

--Trish

9 comments:

Ariella said...

I am sorry you are still having spotting. Have David do more of the heavy lifting and take it easy again. I know you want to have a normal healthy pg but it looks like spotting is part of it. It sucks and I am so sorry that after all you have been through you aren't having the pg of your dream.

My sis had a high risk pg because of her linning, 3 of 4 drs told her she would deliver before 35 weeks and one didn't think she could make it to 28 (viability). She did everything they asked and followed all the 'rules' her son was born at 41 weeks and 5 days! Her daughter (pg #2) at 41 weeks 1 day.

I am telling you this because I KNOW you will do everything in your power to keep this pg and I know you are eternally graitful for it. I really hope the spoting goes away soon and you can get on with normal pg life.

Osh said...

I would be pissed, scared and upset too.

I'm sorry your journey is rough.

Fertilized said...

I am sending prayers for hte spotting and your nerves

Malloryn said...

I'm sorry that you're still experiencing this, Trish. I hope you're able to enjoy the pregnancy soon.

Freyja said...

I just dunno what to say! I wish I did! Hugs for you!

tryingin2007 said...

can your ob see the source of the spotting on an u/s? is he or she concerned? many women on one of the message boards I hang out on bleed/spot for months on end. I know it's scary but I think it is (can be) somewhat common. I'm really sorry you have to deal with this. it sucks.

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Diana said...

I want you to be done spotting too!!! That really sucks!

Amy said...

Argh how frustrating!! But glad you thought to pack your Doppler! Go, Baby, go!