Friday, March 28, 2008

Still crazy, still okay

The baby is fine.

The doctor was kind. I'm very glad that I made the OB change when I did.

I started with the ultrasound. The baby was moving a bit. She said the heart rate was around 135, which is significantly lower than what I normally find, but the doctor insists it's fine to fluctuate that much. Amniotic fluid is good. Placenta is high and well attached. I asked how the baby was laying - head up, face forward.

I then saw the doctor. I ended up bawling that I feel like a fruit loop. She checked my cervix. She said it's very, very thick and tightly closed. Everything looks fine. She encouraged me to take some Lexapro. I refused. If I weren't pregnant and feeling this nutty, I'd do it in a minute. But I'm not willing to risk the baby. She offered me a referral to a counselor, which I took.

I asked about 100 paranoid questions. How to tell if my fluid was leaking, if I had a placental abruption, preterm labor etc. She answered them all, but added that there is nothing I can do to keep any of those things from happening if they're going to. I told her that I understand that, but I'm looking for ways to reason with myself when I'm paranoid.

I spent most of the afternoon feeling better, though there is a bit of anxiety creeping in again tonight. I know it's not rational so I'm trying to keep myself distracted. But so far, so good.



All About Amelia said...

aww - your baby is waving at you from the inside. how sweet :) glad everthing looks good. stay inside little one and keep growing! glad you have a great OB who takes the time to listen to you!

Kristen said...

So glad that your little one is doing well! Is he/she sucking its thumb or is his/her arm just up over its head? So cute!

I'm glad your OB gave you the time you needed to talk about your concerns. While she is right that there is nothing you can do about those terrible, freakish occurences, it does help to just get it out sometimes. XOXO

Malloryn said...

Great picture, Trish :)

I'm glad that your doctor is patient about answering your questions. I hope that you feel a bit better about things.

The Bugala's said...

I'm glad you are liking your new OB ;) And just think...peanut is saying 'hey mom, look at me, I'm ok in here. Just hanging out taking it easy' I know how stressful it is (try being a L&D nurse AND pg!) but have faith in your body for once. You've made it this far. Let the doppler provide some reassurance. I've been there,I know. Call me if you need some reassurance as well. :)

Fertilized said...

i see your baby! I am glad that your new ob is patient and kind. So you be that way to yourself!

silvashan said...

Yeah for that healthy little one of yours!

Hang in there and know that many of us know EXACTLY where you're coming from and our thoughts are with you and the baby. Many, many hugs and happy thoughts for a peaceful night sent your way.

tryingin2007 said...

look at you! I think you and baby are doing really great!

I'm convinced my ob's office thinks I'm insane. I'm forever calling with questions and I feel like I am there every five minutes. "hi. it's me, AGAIN." I know the nurses talk about me behind my back. oh well. at least my ob acknowledges that his IF patients need extra special care. we've been through too much.

Cassie said...

Ever little step is one step closer girl! I am so happy, and love every little update. What a great picture too. Of course we will still keep thinking of oyu guys!

the Babychaser: said...

I think that if I manage to get pregnant I'm going to be just like you--scared shitless. I look at my very pregnant friend, who got pregnant the old-fashioned way, has never had a day of morning sickness, has never had any spotting or other scary symptoms, is suffering no back pain, and I just sigh. That's not going to be me.

I hope you can find some peace. I suspect it's important to do so, but I'm damned if I know how one goes about it.

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Janna said...

I'm glad everything looks good and that you feel comfortable with your new OB. I hope and pray that you're anxiety will lessen in the coming days. I know the spotting isn't helping the situation, but I hope that you can find ways to overcome the anxiety.