Home- Part Deux

Well, we're back home again.

We follow up with the pediatrician next week and the GI specialist the week after that. And somewhere in there- the surgeon.

We have a prescription (A $171 prescription, I might add!) for liquid pepcid.

It's frustrating that we're fighting reflux after having had anti-reflux surgery, but it is what it is.

Robbie is eating MUCH better, sleeping MUCH better and generally life is going well. He did spit up once earlier, but it was a small amount and only the one time.

We also had our first experience with his home monitor going off. He had a brady right after we got home. It was resolved before I could even get to the monitor, but it still freaked me out. But I suppose thats why we have the monitor in the first place. We managed.

The worst part of the day was actually this morning when I found myself feeling like a piece of crap mother.

Robbie was up to eat about every 2 hours last night. I was relieved, mostly, because it was nice to see him eating. After he ate at 5, he was in a great- and very awake- mood. I was sitting in the hospital bed talking to him when the nurse came in to check on him. I told her he had eaten and was just wide awake. She asked if I'd like her to take him and I could go back to sleep. I hedged but then agreed. I knew we were coming home today and might be my last chance for sleep for a while.

When our pediatrician came for rounds, I commented that we had to get out of the hospital today because we were being threatened with a room mate. She said that was completely unacceptable. Then added "You have to get out of here because every nurse in the place wants to hold him. I came in and he's at the nurse's station. He doesn't need to be around all those people."

It honestly hadn't even occurred to me that the nurse taking him meant him being around "people." I'm so used to the isolation of the NICU that I just thought "oh good, a skilled, trustworthy person to look after him while I get some rest."

I felt horrible. And it's lingered all day. If he does get sick, I'm never going to forgive myself.

He seems fine, but it's really eaten at me all day. This isolation thing is harder than I expected. And I expected it to be hard.

Just be another in a long line of feeling not good enough to be his mom. Mommy guilt sucks.

For now, we soldier on. David's gone for a conference across the state for 3 days, so my MIL is here. Fortunately she's very good about helping w/o being in the way. She listens to what I say about Robbie and takes it seriously. And she's been good for David in helping him to adjust to parenthood as well. She's not perfect, but overall, I couldn't ask for much better.

Thanks for all the well wishes. Hopefully this trip home is the one that sticks.

--Trish