Whine

I'm having a hard time writing this post.
I just typed out a huge one and decided it sounded whiny and bitchy and deleted the whole thing.
If you're in the trenches of infertility, I'm going to recommend you skipping this one. I wouldn't have wanted to read it when I was still TTC.


The short version is that I'm exhausted.

David has just not been as helpful as I'd expected him to be.

He doesn't get up at night. Ever. Not even once. He'll sleep 10 hours a night even on the weekends. I haven't slept 10 hours in the last 3 days combined.

Robbie won't nurse, so I'm still exclusively pumping.

My milk supply is shit- probably from lack of sleep. I started Fenugreek yesterday so I smell like I bathed in syrup. And God knows I don't have time to shower to get the sweet stink off of me.

David tells me I need to cook and clean more.

I told him we might need a divorce lawyer.

In the end, we both cried and said we'd work out a schedule.

Mostly I'm just living for my mother-in-law to visit because I feel like I can finally rest.

David's still awkward with Robbie. He spent all the months that Robbie was in the hospital just coasting. Every time I'd encourage him to feed/change/hold him, he'd try to pass it off to a nurse. If I got pissy, he'd finally do it, but he seemed to have to DRAG himself out of the chair to be bothered to do something.

He told me a 100 times how tired he was. I tried to be understanding.. he doesn't handle stress well. He has no outlets.

But mostly I just wanted to slug him. While he was snoring blissfully, I was wringing my hands in the NICU. He didn't KNOW tired.

Now it's even worse. Robbie eats at least every 3 hours- often every 2. If I could get him to nurse, it would speed things up. But for now, I have to pump, prepare and wash bottles.

These are all "normal" woes, I know. Every new mom is exhausted.

And I'm thrilled to BE normal, but I don't know if my husband is going to survive Robbie's first year.

I might smother him with his warm, inviting pillow.

I'm hoping it gets better.

After I threatened to divorce him (yes, I really did. My temper is VERY VERY short these days and he was way over the line.) we talked and he agreed to help more.

Tonight he helped keep an eye on Robbie for about 2 hours while I pumped/tried to nap.

After fixing Robbie's pacifier/patting his back 4 or 5 times, David said "he HAS to sleep SOME TIME." It was all I had to do not to laugh. I said "this is a glimpse of what I do every single night."

Tonight he complimented my mothering several times. And mentioned taking care of Robbie on the weekend so I can sleep.

My MIL is in on The Plan. She's frustrated that David's so.....helpless.

She's going to stay with him while I'm at my baby shower on Saturday but she's already said she's going to make him do everything. She'll be there to coach, but that's it. Thank God she's not one of those moms who thinks her son does no wrong.

She's almost as frustrated with him as I am.

Of course, the minute that I'm completely fed up and exhausted, Robbie smiles. It makes everything better.

I'm still in awe that he's truly mine. I keep half expecting someone to knock on the door and demand their baby back.

Their FIVE POUND baby, I might add.

We had our first pediatrician appointment this morning. Five pounds, one ounce! All is well. The doctor doesn't want to see us for another month. We continue on the heart monitor for a while longer, we hope to gain lots more weight. We tweaked his reflux meds a little bit, hoping it helps. She wants his G-button removed ASAP. Hopefully at his 6 week post-op check (October 6, I believe?) it'll be gone.

Overall, things are improving. Both with Robbie and with David.

Keep the moose coming and pray that I don't kill David in a fit of rage.

--Trish