Saturday, January 19, 2008


I'm feeling more anxious today than I have in a bit. Both of my previous babies died during the 7th week.

I was hoping to get through this week w/o feeling this way. But it's sort of creeping in on me tonight.

I keep trying to reassure myself that the past does not dictate the future. I think I might have had a bought of morning sickness yesterday, though it may have just been really bad indigestion as well. I'm also feeling a little not-quite-right this evening, so I'm really hoping it's mild morning sickness.

I also had a dream last night that I was spotting. Upon awakening I, of course, ran to the bathroom. Everything was fine. Funny, I also had a very, very explicit dream that I won't go into (seriously, I'd embarrass myself.) Somehow THAT didn't trouble me (well, except to wonder where THAT came from) but anything involving the pregnancy must somehow be psychic. I'm insane. I know.

Anyway, not much to report beyond that. Some minor cramping here and there, but nothing horrible. No spotting. Breast pain still waxing and waning.

Only time will tell.



Kierstin said...

My prayers are with you. I understand you being nervous this week. But as you said the past does not dictate the future. Hugs to you!

casicola said...

Everyday you are in my prayers...not that it means much in the internet world...but I wish all the anxiety to be gone from you. I cant wait to read all about your 12 weeks and so on....

Amy said...

Hugs and prayers for you!

Colleen said...

you are in my heart
as always!

the Babychaser: said...

I totally understand your flawed logic. I'm the same way. Now that I've lost a pregnancy in week 4 and week 5, I find myself convinced that if the next one could just make it to week 6, there will be nothing more to worry about.

My thoughts? Go with it. If this reasoning means that you only have one more week of terror, let yourself believe it's true. Get through this week taking deep breaths and thinking of it as just a few more days, then let yourself stop worrying (if you can).

I don't think you'll be any less devastated if you lose this baby when you were anticipating it. I imagine it hurts either way. So why not make it easier on yourself and let yourself hope, just a little bit?

Or maybe I'm talking out my ass. It's easy to talk about how I plan to manage my fear when pregnant, when my biggest focus right now is GETTING THERE.

Hang in there.

- Babychaser

(And don't worry about whether your husband thinks you're crazy to be freaked out right now, or sad too much, or not on the same page as you. You're entitled to your paranoia. You've earned it.)