Sunday, January 13, 2008

U/S Anticipation

Well, it's Sunday night, 10:43 pm. My first ultrasound is less than 14 hours away.
I'm not panicked yet.

It almost got me earlier. About 6:00 I started thinking too much. We went to dinner and I found myself fidgeting nervously. I kept trying to get David to talk about something... anything.. but he just wasn't getting it. Finally I resorted to talking about a movie I watched this weekend (Find Me Guilty. Better than I expected.) just to distract myself from my own thoughts.

That's pretty much been my method of coping all weekend. I've played some games on the computer, watched several movies, and a bunch of Buffy episodes on DVD. If I fill my brain with useless crap, I can't obsess. Don't judge. Whatever works.

When my mind has been running away with me, I've been trying to reassure myself with a few things.

Instead of focusing on why this isn't going to work, I'm trying to think about why it is.

1. My symptoms (mostly sore breasts) do wax & wane. They did the same thing in my first two pregnancies, so I've associated that with miscarriage. The truth of the matter is that I've never experienced a successful pregnancy, so for all I know, this is normal.

2. The psychic told me she saw me holding a baby, and three pregnancies. Intrepret or ignore as you wish.

3. My beta was double what it's ever been before.

4. This was our miracle. Four million sperm? Next stop IVF. I'm that person that every infertile despises because every fertile in the world says "I know a girl who only had 4 million sperm and BOOM! she got pregnant. Her baby is ______ year old now."

5. This is a weird story. It probably sounds insane. But here it is anyway. On December 22nd, David's friends had a Christmas party. One of his sets of friend brought their 2 1/2 year old. They did not, however, bring any toys for her. They pretty much came in the door and disappeared. I couldn't see the kid hurt herself, so I spent most of the evening trying to alternately entertain her and keep her from injuring herself.
One such method of entertainment was to draw. First she wanted to draw, then she wanted me to draw. She asked for a princess. I drew a Princess. She asked for a Snowman, I drew a snowman.
The next thing she said was "Draw Lorelei." I froze. For anyone who doesn't know, Lorelei is the baby girl name we have wanted to use for quite some time now. Her mom had come up and sat next to me to see what I was doing so I glanced at her "Who is Lorelei?" She looked at me and said she didn't know. She asked her daughter "Who is Lorelei?" She said "Draw her. Draw Lorelei." I actually started to shake. I even thought to myself "Do you know something I don't know, kid?" (Keeping in mind this was 3 days before we found out I was pregnant.) I sort of half-heartedly said "well, we hope to have a little girl named Lorelei someday, but that's the only Lorelei I know." and then started to draw a baby. Of course, the little girl was completely uninterested and wandered off. Her mother looked uncomfortable (she knows about our 2 miscarriages but has never commented on them in any way.) and go up and walked off. Telling? I don't know. But it really stuck with me.

6. Please. Please. Please.

That's pretty much it. I guess tomorrow we'll have a better idea.

My first two pregnancies we had a heart beat at this stage, but measuring small. Tomorrow, I will consider success a heart beat and a sac & embryo measuring appropriately for gestational size.

Wish me luck.



HazelMay said...

The first #5 is creepy. Mostly b/c Lorelei isn't so much a common name. Emma would have been less little kid creepy.

I hope little kid creepy is a good sign though. I think LKC + Psychic = good signs. You know, and that beta and boob stuff. But whatever. I'm still stuck on LKC.

Will be thinking about you extra much tomorrow!

Trish said...

haha.. I totally didn't get that I had two #5s. It's fixed now.

And thank you.

ultimatejourney said...

Wow, that story gave me chills. I'll be thinking of you today.

Maria (MKC101103) said...

Oh good luck Trish! I'm praying for you this morning!!!

casicola said...

Good luck this morning. I know your nervious...update when you get home beacuse we are all waiting to here! I cant wait for the best news!

Malloryn said...

Good luck, Trish! I'll be thinking about you.

Baby Steps to Baby Shoes said...

Deinitely thinking of you and hoping for wonderful news.

Fertilize Me said...

Good luck for you!

Kristen said...

Wishing you tons of luck today! Please post as soon as you get a chance. I'm waiting in anticipation! XOXO

Jenn said...

Good luck!!! I'm thinking of you today and will be looking for an update!

Milo said...

Oh my gosh, what a cool story!
I for one totally believe in that sort of stuff. I'm hoping beyond all hope that this works out for you guys, Trish. I believe in my heart that it will. Good luck today!! I've been thinking about you.


Amy said...

You have totally been on my mind and heart and in my prayers. The Lorelei story is really interesting! I do kind of hope this is a girl ... though yes, of course, we will all be THRILLED with any healthy baby! Eagerly waiting for news, and no matter what it is, know that I am here for you. I am, after all, your lady in waiting (was that the term? now i forget) and your Emergency Heifer. ;)

ZsaZsa JadieCat said...

The Lorelei story is freaky. I love that name. Are you a Gilmore Girls fan, too?

I'll be thinking about you today!

Janna said...


ebsimone said...

I've heard anecdotes of small children being able to sense things like that. I'm taking it as a good sign.

Jenn said...

Wishing you good luck today!

Freyja said...

Tapping fingers on the desk impatiently...

P.S. I think it was pretty insensitive of that little girl's mom to not talk to you about how you were doing etc., etc., what with the Loreli thing and all. *sigh* people can sure suck sometimes!

Colleen said...

I agree with Hazel