Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Trying to surrender

Lots of cramps today. I literally went to the bathroom 3 times at work looking for blood. I came home and went straight to the bed to lay down. I was hurting pretty bad.

David met me at the door when I got home and I told him I wasn't feeling well and was going to lay down. He came to check on me and I was actually afraid to tell him what was wrong. I'm so scared he's going to tell me I'm being negative.

I know some cramps are normal, but really, it was just like my period. Back cramps.. really just a lot of pain.

I don't think I had enough fluid today and I didn't eat well. I kept trying to decide if I was hungry or had heartburn more. I'm fully convinced the heartburn is pregnancy related. It's too random to be normal. I ate some corn for lunch and that gave me heartburn. That's not normal.

I'm trying to tell myself that those things contributed to my cramps. I'm praying and begging that's all it is.

There has been no blood.

I'm scared and my next u/s is two weeks from tomorrow. (Jan 30th)

I'm trying really, really hard to surrender it. It's one of those nights where I've had to listen to "I surrender all" a whole bunch of times.

I'm going to listen a few more times, then go to bed.



Tracy said...

((hugs)) That sounds scary. I pray everything is ok. And I'm sure it is for all the reasons you stated.
But do me a favor, drink your damn water!
And maybe eat? Please?

more ((hugs)) and some kisses too.

Meghan said...

Sorry you're so scared. I completely understand. I've been having those back pains too (that are so similar to AF) but after explaining them to DH, he convinced me they're gas pains, to go along with my lovely heartburn and indigestion. Sure enough, I noticed a pattern to them.

Hoping that's all yours is. Which means while it still sucks that you're back hurts, it's another symptom to check

Malloryn said...

I hope that everything is OK, Trish. Please take care of yourself and drink some liquids at least. ::hugs::

Fertilize Me said...

thinking of you

wanttobeamom said...

I agree with the other commenters... drink your water and get some rest! I know it's scary, but try not to obsess. There hasn't been any blood! Obsess about that.

tryingin2007 said...

you'd think struggling with IF was hard enough! the first trimester is complete and total torture!! I'm miserable while trying to cope with every strange cramp and symptom (or lack of.) I'm so sorry you are going though this as well. can we ever be allowed to enjoy our pregnancies? ugh!

LJ said...

Can you ask your doc for an appointment? Maybe it'll soothe your worries?

Schatzi said...

I am sorry to hear about the cramps. I have no advice to add, just positive vibes. Everything crossed.

Sunny said...

Praying for major peace!

Just a girl in the south said...

Trish, please don't freak out. Cramps are completely normal. I posted on Sunday that I was cramping like AF was about to show, and got a lot of reassurance from the sal girls. Is there any chance your doc will bring you in next week so you don't have to wait two full weeks for another u/s?

I'm thinking of you. Hang in there!!

Janna said...

Praying everything is okay in that little womb of yours. Keep listening...I should join you in that!!!

Diana said...

Please don't be offended by this and I am not trying to make light of your cramps. I just want to share my experience with you. In my first trimester and a bit into the second I had such horrible gas pain that it could bring me to tears. It was trapped too and I just could not get relief. Is it possible at all that this could be the answer?

Colleen said...

hang in there toots!
love you big bunches.

Anonymous said...

Thank you for posting this blog. It's so honest, and I know that cannot be easy.

Please try asking your doctor for another blood draw or two. Maybe the numbers will show more increasing, and that might help mentally. Increase your fluids. Try milkshakes (McD's seem to not be very tummy-hostile).

I'm really praying those are just pg symptoms for you.
- Katiedid1806 (nestie)

FattyPants said...

I'm thinking of you today. Hopefully the cramping eased up.

Amy said...

Huge hugs. Sorry about all the cramps. that does sound scary. Definitely stay hydrated. Praying they are pregnancy-related and not a sign of something bad! Praying for you.