8w

This has been a weird week.

I had one night of REALLY unpleasant morning sickness. Take my advice- if you're feeling a little queasy, but you *think* you're okay now, just go home. DO NOT, under any circumstances, GO TO THE GROCERY STORE. Thank heavens it was after work, so it was late and there was no one to stare at me when I had to stop in an aisle and just gag a while.

My husband took some amusement (though was careful to at least try to hide it) when I tried to say "I thought I'd have a grilled cheese." but it came out "I thought I'd *gag* have a *gag* grilled *gag* *gag* *gag* oh nevermind, if I can't say the word *gag* *gag* cheese *gag* *gag* *gag* without gagging, I probaby shouldn't eat one."

Fun times. That was the end of the day that started with being awakened by a dream that my period started. The dream was odd, and seemed to be more about trouble with a tampon than anything else. Then at some point in the dream I realized oh wait- if my period started, then the baby is gone. But I wasn't sad. I even said in the dream that I wasn't going to be sad because the baby had been gone a long time. It was even more odd when I woke up and didn't feel panicked. It was more of a "wow, that was a crappy dream" moment. Then I thought "Well, I guess I should go check for blood." (There was none.)

That made the morning sickness a bit more welcome. I even prayed that night and thanked God for the reassurance. I needed it.

This morning, I woke up with no breast pain. Zero. Panick, of course. I managed to talk myself down fairly quickly. I'm 8w pregnant, lots of people's boobs stop hurting around this time. And even if it means something, there is nothing I can do about it, so freaking out is pointless. Thoughout the day they were a little tender and tonight they're fairly sore again. Oh, and add that one nipple is suddenly randomly painfully erect.

You know, I never do the . thing in the middle of words so that my blog isn't found. It actually amuses me that someone surfing for porn might find themeselves here in the land of blood & vaginal suppositories. Does that make me sick? 'Cause that last paragraph- boobs, nipples, erect.. it makes me giggle to think who might find themselves here. Anyway...

All in all, I feel okay. I'm not convinced we're having a baby. I'm not convinced we're not (at this moment.) Things seems to be going better with David. I haven't had the urge to slug him in a few days, which is nice. I feel a little bit like we're walking on eggshells around each other. He hasn't mentioned the baby at all, even when I have brought things up. And I've made a very concerted effort not to discuss random fears with him. It makes me sad that we can't both just be ourselves, but then again, I suppose it speaks to our consideration for each other that we both are trying to be sensitive to the other.

Mostly, I just keep thinking that in a week, we'll have a better idea if we're really having a baby. Not that miscarriages can't happen after 9w. But if things look good at 9w, it certainly improves our odds. So we'll see. T-minus 5 days. The appointment is next Wednesday morning.


--Trish