Friday, February 15, 2008

11w. I hope.

I feel like it's over. Maybe it's just all the fear getting to me. It's not like I haven't been convinced it was over at least 5 times this pregnancy and so far I've been wrong. But that's how I feel today.

My boobs have almost completely stopped hurting over the last couple of days.
The morning sickness & food aversions are gone over the last couple of days.
I've been spotting for a couple of days. (Admittedly, not today. But the last 2.)
A wonderful friend loaned me her Doppler and I can't find anything. This isn't terribly alarming as I'm doppler-tarded having never used one, but it sure doesn't help.

Plus, David told his mom tonight. It honestly went better than expected, but still, now I feel like I'm just holding my breath until we have to tell her it's over.

After dinner tonight (David cooked) he called his mom. He said "Guess what Trish got today?" and then told her about the fetal Doppler. I didn't actually know he was going to tell her. He had said he would, but I actually sort of figured with all the spotting, he'd wait. In retrospect I don't know why I thought that. He has no doubts and all.

Anyway she, of course, wanted to talk to me. She sounded excited & wanted me to tell her everything. I asked what she wanted to know. Of course, the first question was if the baby was going to be okay. For some reason it didn't annoy me nearly as much this time as last. I guess because she had actually expressed some happiness first and sounded concerned vs. last time seeming like she didn't want to know anything bad.

I refused to sugar coat anything and said that we didn't know. That yes, I was further along than ever before, but I'd been spotting for a few days and that's scary.

We talked a bit. She asked if I felt any differently this time. I told her that no. All I really feel is terrified. Then I started to cry. Not exactly a shining moment. She was kind & sympathetic. It helped a bit.

What didn't help was the pissy mood David was in from the moment I walked in the door. He was tired & cranky about a few things. I mostly just ignored him and did my best not to add to it.

But tonight, he wouldn't help with the Doppler. He actually seemed annoyed that I'd even ask. Then he seemed more annoyed that I was trying to use it while he was getting ready for bed. Again, I didn't respond, but really, I'd have appreciated it if he'd have at least tried.

In other news, I called a new OB today. I was less than impressed with the response I received from my OB the last two days. First it took two days to get a call back about spotting, and then the woman on the phone just didn't seem very bright. I've had words with her in the past (a year ago) because I swear she makes shit up. I'm not someone you can fake it with. First, I'm far too educated and second, I'm far too bitchy.

So after consulting a friend who has 2 kids & is a L&D nurse, I made a call. I was able to get in to the new OB next Thursday. We'll see what happens then, I suppose.

Until then, more praying & hand-wringing. And crying, I suppose.

--Trish

12 comments:

Colleen said...

it is not over!

Tracy said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Tracy said...

I know it's scary. ((big hugs))

You know that pregnancy symptoms don't stay the same all through out your pregnancy.
It's about time for your breats to stop hurting and your morning sickness to subside. Although you've mentioned being worried about the morning sickness going away before and then the next day you're sick as can be.

One of the doppler sites says women may not hear the HB on a home doppler until 12 weeks. If you have some curves or a tilted uterus you may not hear it until 14 weeks. So try with the doppler again later. You're still under both of those time frames.

I'm glad your MIL stepped up a little better this time. I know you've not really wanted to deal with her reaction but at least she tried this time.

I understand your frustration with David not helping. He probably was overly tired and didn't want you to be upset if you couldn't find the HB yet.

It is scary, sweetie. But I don't think it's over. Hang tight. ((more hugs)) and prayers!

Kristen said...

It's not over yet. Not if I have anything to say about it.

As far as being doppler-tarded, I'll try to give you some tips that helped me to find it. Everyone is different of course and some people can't find it until 13w or later but I figure I'll share my assvice anyhow.

DH and I use Astroglide/KY Jelly instead of U/S gel. It works fine as a substitute. Be generous with it. Second, make sure you are searching LOW. Pubic bone and below - lower than you think you need to go. Try tilting it in different directions - sometimes that makes all the difference because the baby could be in there hiding behind the placenta or something. Lastly, I know it is hard but it took us about 30 mins of searching to find it the first time. And it was for a split second before the little bugger moved. So, if you keep at it, you are sure to hear that sweet sound.

XOXO

Malloryn said...

I hope things work out better with your new OB. It's really important to have a good relationship there. I am happy that your MIL was supportive, and I'm hoping that David was just having a bad day. ::big hugs:: I'm praying for you.

Fertilize Me said...

sending you my prayers

Maria (MKC101103) said...

Oh Trish you are such a strong woman. I am so praying for you!!

Ariella said...

Sounds like the other comenters gae some great tips on the dopler. I am sure you are worried like crazy all the time but you are almost in the 2nd tri now. PGsymptoms fade and change all the time and have nothing to do with the health of the baby. Your still in my thoughts and prayers.

Hang on little baby! Hang on!

Jenn said...

I'm really glad you're going to see a new OB. You don't need to put up with that crap. I've also heard that you may not hear anything with the Dopler until 15 wks, so it's probably just early. As far as the symptoms go, mine are constantly playing hide and seek with me. I wish we could do our own ultrasounds at home, kind of like Tom Cruise did for Katie...I guess he wasn't that crazy after all.

I wish you peace in your mind and heart. And as always, I'm praying for you guys.

Sunny said...

My heart is heavy for you. PRAYING!

Amy said...

((((HUGS))) and prayers, as always. I hope David gets in a better mood soon. Glad the convo with your MIL went fairly well, and I REALLY hope things go well with the new OB!
Tracy's comments about the home doppler were enlightening. Am I remembering right that you do have a retroverted uterus, too? (The gyn I saw recently confirmed that in my case.)

Anonymous said...

I hope it's not over too. I wanted to say hello, I've been reading your blog for a few weeks now. I found it through some other blogs I've been checking out. My husband and I have been TTC #2 for 6 months (which I know isn't very long in the ttc world) but it's getting frustrating.

I'm thinking of you and hope all is well.
--Camille