I feel like it's over. Maybe it's just all the fear getting to me. It's not like I haven't been convinced it was over at least 5 times this pregnancy and so far I've been wrong. But that's how I feel today.
My boobs have almost completely stopped hurting over the last couple of days.
The morning sickness & food aversions are gone over the last couple of days.
I've been spotting for a couple of days. (Admittedly, not today. But the last 2.)
A wonderful friend loaned me her Doppler and I can't find anything. This isn't terribly alarming as I'm doppler-tarded having never used one, but it sure doesn't help.
Plus, David told his mom tonight. It honestly went better than expected, but still, now I feel like I'm just holding my breath until we have to tell her it's over.
After dinner tonight (David cooked) he called his mom. He said "Guess what Trish got today?" and then told her about the fetal Doppler. I didn't actually know he was going to tell her. He had said he would, but I actually sort of figured with all the spotting, he'd wait. In retrospect I don't know why I thought that. He has no doubts and all.
Anyway she, of course, wanted to talk to me. She sounded excited & wanted me to tell her everything. I asked what she wanted to know. Of course, the first question was if the baby was going to be okay. For some reason it didn't annoy me nearly as much this time as last. I guess because she had actually expressed some happiness first and sounded concerned vs. last time seeming like she didn't want to know anything bad.
I refused to sugar coat anything and said that we didn't know. That yes, I was further along than ever before, but I'd been spotting for a few days and that's scary.
We talked a bit. She asked if I felt any differently this time. I told her that no. All I really feel is terrified. Then I started to cry. Not exactly a shining moment. She was kind & sympathetic. It helped a bit.
What didn't help was the pissy mood David was in from the moment I walked in the door. He was tired & cranky about a few things. I mostly just ignored him and did my best not to add to it.
But tonight, he wouldn't help with the Doppler. He actually seemed annoyed that I'd even ask. Then he seemed more annoyed that I was trying to use it while he was getting ready for bed. Again, I didn't respond, but really, I'd have appreciated it if he'd have at least tried.
In other news, I called a new OB today. I was less than impressed with the response I received from my OB the last two days. First it took two days to get a call back about spotting, and then the woman on the phone just didn't seem very bright. I've had words with her in the past (a year ago) because I swear she makes shit up. I'm not someone you can fake it with. First, I'm far too educated and second, I'm far too bitchy.
So after consulting a friend who has 2 kids & is a L&D nurse, I made a call. I was able to get in to the new OB next Thursday. We'll see what happens then, I suppose.
Until then, more praying & hand-wringing. And crying, I suppose.