Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Can't sleep

Current time: 3:25am.

I went to bed about 2 but finally gave up about 15 minutes ago. My back is killing me. This is not a pregnancy complaint.
Well, okay, it is, but in a totally worth-it way.

It's funny how many times I thought about swelling, sore boobs & a big belly and thought "I can't wait!" I knew that back pain & constipation (and I'm not entirely convinced the two things aren't actually related) were pregnancy complaints, but I just wasn't expecting them this early.

I mean, it's fine. I'll deal with it for the next 6 months. I'll take all the lumps God wants to hand me as long as they lead to a healthy baby in my arms.

But in the meantime- man, my back hurts. Of course, I don't recommend googling "back pain, early pregnancy" because for every article & post there is about it being normal, there's another saying it's a sign of miscarriage. Thank you, because I'm not paranoid enough.

I swear if you googled "ate popcorn, pregnancy" and looked long enough, it would be a sign of miscarriage. All because one woman somewhere one time ate popcorn & then had a miscarriage.

I will say that my anxiety level has gone down a notch since last week. Now I'm having more waves of anxiety rather than constant debilitating terror. My NT scan is set for Thursday and I cycle between excitement to see the baby again and fear that I'll get there and it'll all be over.

I read about late first trimester losses, or 2nd trimester losses and I have the urge to put my hand over my... well.... eyes, I suppose, and sing LA LA LA LA LA LA I CAN'T HEAR YOU. Which is odd considering I don't really do denial.

In any case, this is more of a wee hour rambling post than anything. I was tossing & turning so much in bed that I was disturbing the husband so I got up.

I was rewarded by the sight of my youngest cat coming RUNNING for me doing that adorable little meow/purr combo that says "I'm so happy to see you!" I'm not sure what inspired that- he could have joined us in bed at any time, but when he put his paws on my lap, it made me smile anyway. Of course, then I picked him up to give him some love and he promptly leaped from my lap clawing my leg with his rear paws for my trouble.

The story of my life- walking a delicate balance of loving something so much but trying not to hold it too tightly.

6 comments:

Fertilize Me said...

i have pondered that back pain/constipation thing myself. i do find mine very much so related.

I am sorry to see that you were up at 3:45 googling. Hopin the next dr appointment will continue to lower your anxiety lvl.

Jenn said...

Googling after midnight is kind of like drunk-dialing = BAD IDEA! I think the constipation is totally related to back pain...it definitely doesn't help it. I hope you get some sleep tonight.

Janna said...

Sorry your back is bothering you. Hoping you can get a good night's sllep soon!!

Freyja said...

Nice alegory. I'm glad the "debilitating terror" has abated a bit. ;-)

Stephanie said...

I love you. And I can't wait until you have a little baby in your arms.
In other news, you need to update your "rundown" Because it will make me happy.

Baby Steps to Baby Shoes said...

I am sorry you aren't sleepy. Step away from the google.

And to keep you otherwise occupied, I have tagged you. :)