12w: Alive & Kicking

****warning, this post contains much detailed baby stuff. If you're not in a place to handle it, the short version is that the baby is good. Feel free to skip this one if your not up to it. Believe me, I've been there.****


Today was my appointment with my new OB.

Woke up to a horrible ice storm. My appointment was at 9. My husband left for work and called about 10 minutes later to tell me to give lots of extra time because the roads were shitty.

He wasn't kidding.

If the appointment had been for anything else, I would have cancelled. It was bad. But no way was some ice storm standing in the way of today. I headed out early. It took about an hour to make a 25 minute drive. I was a few minutes late, arriving at about 9:10.

The waiting room was fairly full and I was afraid it was going to be a long wait, but it was no more than 10 minutes.

They took me back, got my urine, height & weight (I'm down another 3 pounds, making total loss during this pregnancy 8 pounds. If only I hated food when I WASN'T pregnant.) and got me in a room.

The nurse was nice & went over what they'd do today, told me about the stuff they'd be giving me (A really nice side backpack with info, prenatals, a water bottle, etc etc) and took a very brief history.

Then the doctor came in. She's young. Probably around my age, and cute. She was very upbeat, but not obnoxiously perky. She asked a few history questions. Once I got to the part about fertility treatments she said "give me the whole story. Start at the beginning." By the time I got to miscarriage #2, she was asking a few details, but mostly just listening. Then she asked if I'd had any problems so far with this pregnancy, any spotting or anything? As soon as I said yes, she said "let's go get an ultrasound." Music to my ears.

So we pretty much packed up and moved to an u/s room. It was very nice. Not only was there a fairly modern looking (in my complete lack of knowledge opinion) u/s machine, but a flat screen monitor on the wall so that the mom can see everything the tech/doctor can see. I was impressed.

In the meantime, I got naked and she and a nurse came in. She wanted to feel lumpy lefty, and do an STD culture (standard protocol) while I was in there. Then she got to the good stuff.

She did the u/s herself, and I could definitely tell she wasn't an u/s tech. But it was fine. As soon as she put the dildocam in (yes, still internal) I saw the sac and what looked like movement in it, but since she was still adjusting I wasn't 100% sure.

I asked "Is that my baby moving in there?" She said yes. I said "My LIVE baby moving in there?" She said "Yep. Do you see the heart beating?" Well, no, actually I didn't. Honestly, if I could tell correctly, I think the baby was lying almost backwards to the probe. I could see one arm & two legs with a blob in the middle but that was about it. She said she'd see if she could zoom in on it. She switched to the mode where you can see blood flow and just about the time I was focusing on the heart, the baby went crazy. Jumping and bouncing & kicking. She said "well, the baby moved now!" It was truly the most amazing thing ever. I started to cry.

Anyway, that was it. She didn't take any pictures (so therefore didn't give me one) but there was no question the kiddo is alive. And kicking.

From here, I have several follow ups.

-once my records are transferred over, I'm to schedule with a breast surgeon for another opinion (and likely a biopsy) on my lump.
-NT scan in the next week (I left a message for them today but they are actually closed for the weather.)
-another appointment with the nurse practitioner in 2 weeks
-see the doctor again in 4.

I asked her about using a Doppler at home and she actually said that because of my weight, it may be until 20 (!!) weeks until I can hear the baby. Some days I really hate being a fatty more than others.

Overall, she seemed pleased. I'm healthy, the baby is healthy, risks of loss are dropping by the day. I've actually been anxiety free for about 18 hours now. I'm sure it will set in again any time now. I am still me after all.

I left & called the hubby who was happy. Called my dad who was happy. And even told my boss today and managed NOT to almost have a panic attack after I said it out loud. I've actually only told two other people and both times I honestly freaked out afterward.

My boss actually teared up. She got up and hugged me & got all excited. It was honestly adorable. She's been really great through all of my complications, adding me her church prayer list and such things. She really is a good boss just as a boss, but she's also a wonderful person. I count her in my blessings. (Which you won't find me saying about any other members of management in my company.)

I still think I'm going to hold off on any big announcements 'til more like 14 weeks. Or maybe after my NT scan and results, which probably would be about 14 weeks anyway. I'm okay living in the closet a little longer.


--Trish