Monday, February 9, 2009

Day 5

The EKG was "negative" meaning normal. So that's good.

Through the night last night he took 60-65cc. He had one bad feeding today (10) but the rest of the time took 50-55 pretty reliably.

The NP that I love rounded today and we talked a while. I really do like her a lot. She had 26weeker twins and one of them came home with an NG tube. We talked a while about how it was almost a relief because she could feed her that way and not have to fight. Then she felt guilty because she was relieved.

Yeah. Preach it sister.

We talked quite a bit about mommy guilt.

My MIL drove up to see Robbie today (a 2 1/2 hour drive to stay for maybe 2 hours and then drive home. She loves him so much.) and was here for the conversation. Afterward she commented how glad she was that we got to talk about it. She knows I've been struggling with all of it.

I felt so bad today. She showed up and Robbie was THRILLED to see her. All smiles and giggles. Then all of a sudden he just burst into tears and could not be consoled. Keep in mind that Robbie just doesn't get like that very often. He fusses but really just outright wailing tends to be reserved for baths and nurses with needles.

I took him for a walk around the floor and got him calmed down. Walked back into the room, he took another look at her and burst into tears again. I have no idea what got into him. She took it in stride, thankfully. He eventually got over it but honestly, he cried for a good half hour of her 2 hour visit- I mean full out tears streaming down the face crying.

Anyway, right now I don't know when we're going home. I thought it was going to be tomorrow, but ironically the fact that he's doing well is actually keeping us here. If he weren't making progress, they'd just send us home with a 2 week ultimatum. But since he is making progress, they want to keep working on him.

She wants to give him a little more time at 75cc (Him taking what he will by mouth- the rest in the tube) and then up him to 90cc and see how it goes from there. If we can get him to take somewhere close to 90cc, that leaves enough leeway that if he doesn't eat that much all the time, he can still consume enough calories to thrive.

I wish I felt more positive, but past history has me skeptical. But man would I love to be wrong.

I'm so sick of this place.
We even had the great day nurse from yesterday again. We totally bonded. She left today with the address for Robbie's blog and promised to keep in touch.

Oh- and I MUST share this. She actually said "You seem like such a mellow, easy-going mom."

I'll hold on while you laugh.


Okay, a minute more.

Yeah, I laughed, too. She said this in front of my husband and MIL and I couldn't help but glance over to gauge their responses. My MIL had no reaction. My husband cocked an eyebrow.

Yeah- me, mellow. I believe she meant I was easy to get along with. Which CAN be true but isn't always. I'm easy to get along with when you treat me and my son well, but if you don't- well, I'm not so easy going.

Anyway, it was nice to have a friendly face. I'm sorry she's off until Thursday. I REALLY hope we're gone by then, so we won't have her any more.

Our night nurse tonight seems nice. And she actually managed to figure out that monitor w/o needing a team of three people (I guess they're new and complicated.) and managed to change the settings so that he isn't constantly alarming. I might actually manage to get a couple hours of sleep tonight. Glory be!

In any case, it's almost time for his next feeding and then I'm really going to try to get that sleep. Wish us luck for growing feeds.



Two Hands said...

Sending prayers that his feedings continue to go well. I think you are easy-going if your son is doing well, but look out if he's not. That's a GOOD thing. You're his champion, his hero. You're a Mom I'm VERY proud to know. Love and (virtual) hugs.

FattyPants said...

Thank god he is doing well and for the negative ekg. Hope you guys are able to go home soon.

Anonymous said...

How much does he weigh now? So glad the EKG was negative.

Heather said...

Glad to hear that he's eating better and especially glad you and the doctor had a great talk about "Mommy Guilt". Hang in there. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

tryingin2007 said...

"You seem like such a mellow, easy-going mom." you ROCK! you've been put through so much. I'm proud of you.