Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Wolves

This will be short. It's been a long trying day filled with headaches both figurative and literal.

He still won't eat the formula.

Dr. P said to keep trying but wasn't hopeful. She put in a call to the GI doc to discuss the situation.

We see the GI doc tomorrow. Dr. P told me to pack an overnight bag. She anticipates that we'll be admitted to the hospital after the appointment.

At leat this time I get to pack. It'll be a new experience being in the hospital with clean clothes.

I'm worried and anxious and relieved and guilt-ridden.

I dread the poking and prodding and general baby torture. I dread hospital beds and frequent nurse interuptions. I dread piss poor TV and hospital food.

I'm relieved someone is finally taking us seriously and we might get some answers.

I feel guilty that I feel relieved. The first time someone tries to shove a tube down his nose and he cries I may just implode from it.

But I know it has to be done. He can't starve to death.

I had a long talk with him earlier and explained that tomorrow is probably going to be a seriously shitty day. I told him how sorry I was but that I promised it was only because we were left with no other choices and only because we loved him.

I'm not sure he was convinced.

I feel a little like I'm leaving him for the wolves. Only I'm going with him to watch the gore.

I could really use about 300 hugs, 12 hours of sleep, a large margarita and infinite prayers about now.

Off to bed..

--Trish

16 comments:

Anonymous said...

I read your blog every day without fail..but i'm usually too shy to comment. I have a baby with reflux too, born at same time as Robbie. I went through your pregnancy with you and have followed Robbie's journey ever since. I just wanted to say that i think you are doing such a fantastic job with him. It's so hard to care for a baby with reflux type problems. Poeple don't understand just how hard it is... and you've had so much more to deal with than 'just' reflux, although that alone can be bad enough. I really admire your determination and strength. Robbie has a great mum and you're doing such a wonderful job of getting him the help he needs. Please don't feel bad about the hospital visit - although i understand why you do. It's for the best. You need some answers. No mother could watch their child continue to not eat and you have really tried everything you possibly could to persuade him to. It must be agonising for you. I really hope the doctors are gentle with him (and you) and that some answers are forthcoming soon. Keep up the good work xxx

Nicole said...

I will be praying for answers, for both you and Robbie. You are an amazing mother and you are doing what needs to be done for him. *Big hugs*

FattyPants said...

Prayers and hugs for all of you

Rachel said...

I really hope that you get some answers from this visit. You'll be in my thoughts tomorrow.

Alice said...

lots of (((hugs))) and prayers for all of you.

I admire your courage and strength.

You are an admirable woman and mother.

I also talk to Bubba Joe about what is going on - still do. Robbie understands. And while he may not like everything that comes his way, he loves you for having the strength to do what is right.

You're an amazing woman Trish. A woman I look up to and find strength and courage in myself.

(((hugs)))

Cassie said...

Hugs! Prayers! You are such an amazing woman. I am in awe of your strength, Trish.

Malloryn said...

Sending lots of prayers and hugs your way!

camille said...

I'm sorry it's gotten to this point but am so glad you feel you are being taken seriously by the doctors. Please keep us posted on what happens with the lil man. Praying for you.

Fertilized said...

I am sending lots of virtual hugs and margaritas. Praying for you both

Adriane said...

I am delurking to say that I check your blog daily and think of you so very often. This is a little stalker-ish, but I think we were in the same hospital with our babies in the same NICU - at the same time. I'll email you about this offline so the details aren't shared.

I think about you and Robbie everyday. How you are managing to survive, let alone write about it, is so admirable to me. I absolutely can't imagine how hard it must be. We all have our issues with the babies (well some of us have EASY babies, but I sure didn't) but you have had your share. I can't imagine how you do it. Your Robbie is so very lucky to have a strong, persistent Mom like you.

I hope you get more food in him. I'm sorry about the G-tube. It REALLY sucks for sure. I hope they figure things out and he turns into an eating machine. Wouldn't that be a dream come true?

You are stronger than just about any person I've ever met. Lots of hugs.

Anonymous said...

You are in the thoughts of so many. I am praying and wishing for a solution to Robbie's eating challenges both for you and Robbie. Your son sounds like a wonderful little man, especially considering the tough road he has traveled. You ARE an incredible mom, G tube or not. Keep the faith as best as you can even when the times are tough. Your son is so well loved and you are too. Best wishes.

Two Hands said...

A million hugs and the best margarita ever.
You have tried so hard, Trish, so damn hard to get him to eat, but there's only so much a Mom can do before she needs another plan and some help. You have done everything EVERYTHING you could possibly do yourself. I pray that they are easy on Robbie and I am about ready to burst into tears myself at the prospect of baby torture, but honestly, you're right, he has to eat. He needs to eat, it's so important. I wish I could do it for him.
Praying for you both always.

Ariella said...

I wish I could reach through the screen and just hug you right now Trish. You are an incredible mother to Robbie and he knows it.

Maureen said...

I wish I could give you a hug. You and Robbie will get a few extra prayers from me. You guys are already in my litany.

Stacie said...

Praying for you and Robbie and sending you many, many hugs.

Heidi said...

HUGS! HUGS! MORE HUGS! You're doing the right thing. HUGS!