Thursday, March 26, 2009

Response (and pics!)

Well, I must admit, I never thought the previous post would have been so controversial. Of all the things I've posted, complained, whined or ranted about, I didn't expect flak about the R word.

I have a few thoughts regarding the feedback I received today.

I take it that I'm not expressing my incredible joy at being Robbie's mom often enough. I shall endeavor to rectify that.

I love Robbie more than life itself. I'm in awe of him every day. After a middle of the night feed, I often pull him close and just stroke his hair or kiss his pudgy little cheeks over and over because he's just too sweet for words.

Yes, Robbie brought challenges to my life that I wasn't anticipating. But I have always known that parenting is a risk. As the saying goes- to be a mom is to have your heart walking around outside your body. I signed up for whatever mommyhood would bring- good and bad.

The good outweighs the bad by leaps and bounds. By mountains. By oceans.

The thing is, the good is easy to deal with. When he's smiling or giggling or sleeping peacefully, or just plain being adorable- when he's learning a new sound or trick, when he's amazed at something we all take for granted- that's easy. I just sit and stare. I laugh, I smile, I love. I try to snap myself out of the utter bliss and capture the moment on camera.

The bad- it's tough. The worries are endless.
Is he doing what he should? Am I doing what I should? Did I work him enough today? Did he eat enough today? Did he learn enough today? Do people know how great my kid is? Does my kid know how great he is?

Am I a good enough mother today?

I take in all the good stuff I can with Robbie. I try to enjoy the moments as they come.

But what do I do with the bad stuff? I'm home alone with Robbie most of the day. He's a pretty amazing kid, but he's not so great with the advice. And the bad stuff is a pretty heavy load for a 10-month-who-should-be-7-months-old.

So I bring it online to the vast space that is The Internet. Where I hope someone gets it. Where I hope someone gets me. Where I hope maybe I help someone who stumbles upon my words and knows they're not alone, the way I've stumbled upon others who've made me feel less alone.

And that brings me to my last point:

This is my blog, I'll whine when I want to.

If you're only interested in Robbie info, you're more than welcome to view Robbie's blog instead of mine.

This blog was started 2 years and 3 days ago as an outlet for my ugly stuff. I had been trying to conceive for year and a half and had just had a miscarriage. I was scared and hurting. I wasn't sure anyone would ever read what I wrote, but it didn't matter. I wrote because I needed to get it out- out of my head and out of my heart.

I went on to have another miscarriage and wrote my way through that.

I wrote through surgeries and failed cycles. Through my pregnancy with Robbie where I just COULD. NOT. STOP. SPOTTING.

I wrote from the hospital while I waited for him to be born. Through the tests and procedures and apnea and fear of the NICU.

I wrote through a lot of dark stuff.

And I still have dark stuff that I have to get out sometimes.

Fortunately I've found more light here than I ever imagined. The love and support that have found me through this blog and The Internet is humbling.

But in the end, this is my space. I'll write what I want to. I do appreciate the feedback. I left the comments because while I may disagree (I still think you're letting the Pres off too easily) I respect the opinions. I hope those with something unpleasant to say can respect mine.


P.S. The nice comments did NOT go unnoticed. I appreciate the love and support as always. Here are some more pictures, you gluttonous Robbie grubbers!

Big boys hold their own bottles.

I'm finally starting to hate baths a little less. I don't scream any more.

But getting out is still the best part.

You talkin' to ME?

All ready to go for a walk.

I love you Momma!

Haha! Upside down world is funny!

Contessa keeps my ear warm.

Mmmm parrot wings. A good source of fiber.

There must be some confusion. You seem to have put me down on my belly. HELP!


Mommy Shoes said...

He is just so darn cute. I just want to cuddle him up.

Mrs. Spit said...

I'm horrified that someone thinks you whine about Robbie. You don't. You are honest about the good, and the bad. That's all.

There's no crime in honesty. Well, at least not most of the time. Certainly not this time.

And thanks tons for the pictures. I adore seeing my favourite munchkin!

Fertilized said...

As always - I am late to the party. BUt wanted to comment that the rough is ROUGH! I am sorry that people came into YOUR space and crapped on it.

I know that you love Robbie No Matter What - because that's what we do. I get you. I get it

Fertilized said...

Oh did i forget to mention how adorablely yummy he is?

niobe said...

Awww...I love the chewing on parrot wings picture. Robbie is adorable, but I have to say that I also love your captions.

And you're a lot more tolerant than I am. On my own blog, I have to confess that I tend to just delete the occasional nasty anon comment.

Heather said...

I didn't see an issue with your last post. Parenting a special needs child (or any child for that matter) is a very difficult job. We're always on the job until our head hits the pillow. We're always wondering did we do enough today. BTW, I'm not a special needs mom, but I have lots of friends that are. They work so hard, but I know we have similar thoughts through our head. Vent away, I say!

And Robbie is such a cutie!!!!

Maureen said...

Say whatever you want. It is HARD to stay at home with little people all day. And at least my dh doesn't "get" it a good portion of the time when I have gripes.

As someone told me these years when my kids are small:
"These are the longest days and the shortest years."
Initially it didn't make sense, but then it did... Anything to help others make those long days less long, and make the short years sweet.

Anonymous said...

"I'm horrified that someone thinks you whine about Robbie. You don't. You are honest about the good, and the bad. That's all."

Um, yeah she does! Read back a few entries, all she does is whine! I understand having a SN child is hard, but come on....all the negativity can not be good for him. If she always looks at what he can't do or hasn't done, he doesn't have much to live up to now does he?
Trish.....I think you are doing great by Robbie....however a better attitude and a "can do " attitude will help him in the long run! Who knows, he could end up a very typical 3 yr old! Don't underestimate him!

Laura said...

Okay, that last pic of him with the caption "THere must be some confustion..." is hysterical. LOVE IT!

T-Mommy said...

OMG, Robbie can´t get any cutter!!!

He is just irresistible!

Slytherpuff said...

*swoon* I just want to eat him up! Nom nom nom nom

Trish said...

Actually "Anonymous", the post before the R word post was about counting my blessings.

Yes, I posted a whine this week, but the last update before that was from March 10 and was pretty upbeat, I think.

Perhaps I could express the good stuff more often, but perhaps you could work on your reading comprehension skills.

Two Hands said...

I'm curious about Anonymous' background. How much experience do you have with babies born so early? With babies who have been through what Robbie has and by association, what his Mother has. I've been reading this blog for almost a year now and I have never felt that Trish was anything but honest and forthright about the blessings AND the struggles. I have also never had any doubt that Robbie was in the best hands possible with his Mom. Trish has every right to vent here and give her best to Robbie which I know she does. Please, unless you've been through the hourly feedings, surgeries, CPAP, ventilation, feeding problems, and neverending lack of sleep, then don't judge. Love you, Trish.

HazelMay said...

Ditto Two Hands. I feel like this Anonymous chick is 19, maybe 20. But that's just me. Parenting ANY kid is hard. A SN kid is harder. My kid was born full term and has met all her milestone. I still whine. We all whine. Kids are hard. And not hard in a "oh man... this sucks but look! still smiling!" sort of way. Hard in a "omfg what did I get myself into and really? can I do this anymore? b/c holy crap it's hard" kind of way. But of course you can b/c it's your kid. And you would gladly do it even if each minute of each day was that kind of hard. Because it's your kid and you love them more than anything else in the world. And you can't imagine life without them. But OMG it's hard. And it's okay to talk about how hard it is, and it's okay to need an outlet. Because that outlet allows you to be a better parent. Because you are able to get your frustrations out in a safe place, away from your kid.

Like I said, I complain about my kid a lot. And she is happy and loving and well adjusted and the best kid ever. Because I love her to pieces. And I hug her and kiss her and tell her I love her to pieces. Just like Tricia does w/ Robbie. He will be fine. He IS fine. He's a happy baby who has had a really hard life so far. He is doing great. Tricia is doing great. And really, if you don't think she's dotting on him, open your eyes. All of the picture posts? That's her dotting on him. A lot of her posts, especially recently) have been her counting her blessings. She isn't posting as much now. Know why? Spending quality time with Robbie.

Walk a mile in their shoes before you judge and stop comparing parents. People cope in different ways. And that's okay. Venting on blogger hurts no one.


Danielle said...

I can not believe that you even had to post this to explain yourself. If you don't want to read her blog if she whines to much than don't read it. But it is her blog and to keep making negative posts to her is just so immature. Ok you put your foot in your mouth once, but the second one I can't believe you would come on again and keep baggering her. Her blog is her right to say what she wants, keep on saying what you want, Trish!
I think you are an amazingly strong person to go through what you are going through and have been through already.
I think every mother sn or not has days where they are fed up, but that doesn't mean we don't love and cherish or kids. Sometimes it just isn't easy, I bitch sometimes and I don't have it as hard as you have.
BTW Robbie is so adorable and I love reading your blog everyday the good and the bad you always say it well.

Mountain Girl said...

First, I think the president showed his ignorance with his "r" word comment. Second, it's YOUR blog, say what you want. Third, I work with children - more importantly children with special needs. As someone else said, parenting is hard enough but when you have a child that you worry if they are getting fed enough and struggle to feed them, or a child who was born early, etc. then do NOT judge parents who have these struggles. See what you can do to encourage and support them. If you aren't interested in doing that, then go somewhere else!

Robbie is adorable and I've cried when I have read your struggles with parenting, but Trish, you are a GREAT Mom! (as so noted in Robbie's picture where he is saying "I love you Mom!"

Elizabeth said...

I've been reading for what seems like forever... and I cannot grasp that someone, anyone... thinks that it's whining to share your journey to motherhood and beyond.

I never fail to feel blessed to have found your blog or to vicariously follow Robbie's development. You share the difficult times, but you never fail the joy as well. That is what life is filled with - up and down times that span the hours, days and years.

Robbie is one amazing little man with a beautiful smile and one heck of a Mom.

Anon can bite me!

...and if you come back to read the comments here - oh holier than thou Anon - sharing your hopes, fears, and heartaches is not whining. It's being honest and real.

Martha said...

Anonymous must never spend time around children. It is a god given right to whine. Gee, what are blogs for anyway??
Visiting from Mrs.Spit.
Your son is so cute and looks very happy. I love the picture of him on his belly. Thank you for sharing.

Anonymous said...

So anonymous, should Trish walk around w/ rainbows shooting out her ass? Would that make her seem like a better mom to you?

I'm a mother a beautiful healthy daughter. She's 9 months old & the light of my life. She makes my days worth living. She's the last thing I think of before bed & the 1st thing I think in the morning. She makes me laugh everyday. When I pick her up from daycare I have an hour drive home from there yet I still hang out for at least 10-15 minutes so I can snuggle & kiss her before putting her in her car seat because I've missed her all day at work.

Even though I love her as I do I still need to sit back & count to 5 sometimes when she frustrates me. Sometimes I sit & rock her & cry with her when I cannot sooth her. Sometimes I get frustrated and say, Bean enough, now close your eyes & go to sleep. No one is perfect & having a child can test your will more than any other thing in your life.

Add to that the special needs that Robbie has & you've got a world more troubles than I do. For this I give Trish praise for doing all she does for him. So if she needs to get on the interwebs & express her frustrations through a public journal than so be it. It might help another mom to know that they are not alone in their life with a special needs child. Maybe it helps moms like me with healthy babies sit back & say, "you know what? Sophie waking up once last night & not going back to bed for 2 hours really is not that bad. Look at what Trish & Robbie go through." Poor Robbie has had such a hard time eating & sleeping. The 2 thing most babies are good at.

As my Best friend said to me when I was pregnant w/ my daughter. Being a parent is one of the most difficult things you will ever do. It is also the most wonderful.

So ya Trish is going to "bitch" sometimes. Special needs or no special needs. She's a MOTHER & us moms get to bitch, like it or not!

Sarah said...

Good for you. This is YOUR blog, and you can use it in whatever way you need/want to. Being a mommy is hard under the best of circumstances, and even harder when your child has health challenges. Everyone has a dark spots in their lives, and when those occur, you need a place to vent...that is how we survive. And, having your blog to vent on is how you are able to have a positive attitude around your son. You wouldn't be an effective parent if you had to hold in your feelings or pretend that everything was wonderful all of the time. The fact of the matter is that life isn't all sunshine and flowers, and those who pretend that it is are fooling themselves.

Of course you love your son, and anyone who has read your blog can see that you adore him and not only worked hard to get him here, but also to help him get healthy. But loving your son doesn't make you less human, and as a person, you also have feelings and frustrations, and you have every right to feel them completely. No one should be judging you.

Keep doing what you are doing, Trish. You're a great mommy and Robbie is lucky to have you.

Sarah said...

Oh...also wanted to say, cute pictures!!!! What a doll!

Me said...

I recently commented to my husband that it's SO EASY to be happy when life is good. It's when life gets hard that being happy get's hard. Some people simply have no perspective for understanding what it's like to weather a very long, rough storm. And they can go F*** themselves.