I am truly blessed.
I'm sorry for the blog-silence lately. I've honestly been extremely busy and just haven't had all that much to say. That's actually a good thing because usually sadness means writing. So quiet usually means I'm doing fairly well emotionally speaking.
I've actually had a rough patch last 2 days, though. For whatever reason, yesterday just seemed hard. Nothing particularly set it off, but I was just very sad, thinking about our journey. Then some song on the radio mentioned a son and I lost it. Bawled on the way home. Completely random.
Then had a stupid fight with the husband (about cleaning up cat vomit, in case you wonder) and didn't get enough sleep. Add a migraine both days.
So yeah. It's been a stressful couple of days.
Had a night out tonight with 2 of my infertile friends. One is now successfully pregnant with twins, the other is still in the trenches. It was good. It's nice to bitch and moan and laugh about stuff and not have to explain or soften it.
Came home and spent some quality time with the husband (we've made up.) I settled in to check my email and such for the night and was actually getting up to get ready for bed when I noticed an envelope addressed to me at the top of today's mail. It was a manila envelope and it was hand addressed.
The return address was from a salon. I've scheduled myself for an acupuncture session (my first!) on Friday and the place I'm going offers a variety of services so I thought maybe it was some questionnaire from them or something.
Only.. it wasn't.
It turns out to be a ridiculously generous gift card to a salon. From whom, you ask? Oh. Just some people I've never met. Specifically from some amazing women on a message board I frequent. This isn't an infertility board. Not a pregnancy board. These people are fertile, for goodness sake. (Well, most of them.) Don't they know they should be smug? Of course, I burst into tears. Hell, I'm crying again now.
To those of them that might find this post-- a huge thank you again.
And really. To whoever invented the Internet (Al Gore? Are you out there? hehe.) thank you.
I honestly can not imagine how I'd manage if it weren't for message boards, medical websites & my blog. To have a place to really let it all hang out. And to find people to love, who love me back.. in spite of the fact that we've never been able to share a real hug... that's truly amazing.
The woman that I talk about sometimes who was due the same day as my first baby (who has a beautiful baby girl now, I might add) was met through the Internet. When I visited her in the hospital, she and the woman I mentioned above (the one pregnant with twins) gave me a card and angel in honor of my first. I was there to celebrate her joy but she could see past that to my grief and not ignore it.
I've received so many cards... from people I've never seen in person. It's just overwhelming.
Through this very blog, I've received so much support. So much kindness.
I wish I had the words to express my gratitude.
To all of you- thank you.
Now I'm going to go leaf through the brochure from the spa and decide how many hours of massage I'd like.