Beta 1 drawn

First of all, a big thank you for all the congratulations & well wishes. It really meant (and continues to mean) a lot to me.

It was a hectic morning.
I had really rough night of mostly non-sleep and really terrible throat pain. I was too afraid to take much more Tylenol because I'd been taking it like candy for a few days and now I know I'm medicating for two.

I finally broke down and took 2 more because it was that or go to the emergency room. It was that bad.

I thought my R.E.'s office opened at 8, so I got up at 10 til to call. Yeah, turns out they start answering phones at 8:30. I know they're in at 7:30 for inseminations, so you can imagine how annoyed I was. I barely managed to keep from pacing while waiting for the clock to strike 8:30.

At 8:35 (yeah, they were a little late turning those phones on, I got the "We're closed" message twice after 8:30 until I finally got through.) I left a voicemail for my doctor's secretary that essentially said I'm pregnant and in intense pain. What do I do? And YAY!

When they hadn't had called me back in about 10 minutes (patience was running short) I called my PCP. I wasn't sure they'd even deal with me because I know some PCPs prefer you go through your OB for everything while pregnant. I got lucky and got a sympathetic nurse. She told me I didn't have to see the doctor, I could just come in for a throat swab and go from there.

I didn't even shower. Threw some clothes on, shook David and said I was leaving and was gone. I got in and she did the strep swab. She said if it was negative she'd have me see the doc. Turns out I'm not just positive for pregnancy this week. Yep. Strep throat. I'm sure you can tell I'm thrilled. But at least it meant there was hope of something to help me. If one more person told me maybe it was just hormones, I was going to lose my mind. I felt like I swallowed glass, it wasn't a case of dry sinuses.

Anyway, she asked me what pharmacy and said it'd be there when I got there. Tylenol and fluids and amoxicillin. So I went straight to the pharmacy.

On my way, I called my dad. David and I had tried to call him last night but couldn't get through. My dad's response was very dad-like. Speechless, happy, then worried. His biggest concern is when David is going to get a job. After I finished lecturing him about non-traditional families and relaxing, we were good again.

I love my dad, but the constant questions about job interviews wear on me. I make a wage that is able to support us and David takes very good care of both the house & me. If he were the bread-winner & I a stay-at-home-wife, no one would even blink twice. The double standard annoys me. Plus I know how much it bothers David that he's still unemployed and don't feel like it's anyone else's business but mine. /digress.

Got to the pharmacy and they looked at me like I was two-headed. Turns out the nurse had left it on the voicemail, but they hadn't checked it. I copped a squat in the waiting area because they'd have had to pepper-spray me to get me to leave w/o drugs.

I left for home and idly thought how it was a good thing I hadn't waited for the R.E's office to call. About 3 minutes later, my cell rang. It was the secretary wondering why I hadn't called back. Turns out she hadn't gotten my 2nd voicemail telling her to call my cell. She told me that I had orders waiting at Quest for a beta and gave me the plan. She was very nice, as always. I can imagine that working at a fertility clinic, this is probably the best part. I know how I'd be in her shoes.

Anyway, the plan is: Beta today, Beta next Thursday, first "OB" appointment with my R.E. the following week. She wasn't sure when they'd do my first ultrasound. Maybe the same week as my OB appointment (6w) but maybe the following. (At the time I was hoping for 6w, but honestly, I think I'd rather go with 7w when I know we'll be able to see something. My first pregnancy, my first ultrasound was at 6w. I was measuring 5w & had no heartbeat, but because it was at that in between time it was hard to say how things would go. A week later, we had a heartbeat, and a week after that it was gone. I'd rather skip limbo if I can.) She told me that if I got in quickly enough we *MIGHT* get a result today but it was late enough that it would probably be tomorrow.

I was only a few blocks from home, so I stopped in and got a drink to take my antibiotic. Then headed back to Quest. Which is, of course, only a few blocks from the pharmacy I had just left.

The lady at Quest got my blood in one poke, though it was from my hand and was pumping VERY SLOWLY. I don't know what the deal was. Fortunately it doesn't seem to have bruised. I still have the bruise from 2 weeks ago and the bruise from last week. I commented to the technician that I was starting to look like a heroine addict and when she turned my arm over to look she actually agreed with me.

So, then I headed home, took a quick shower & layed down for an hour before work.

I know you're thinking "Why are you going to work? You have strep throat!" but just let the short version be that the attendance policy at my job is very strict & very complicated and it just wasn't worth it. I came in, told my boss I could barely speak and she gave me the day off of the phones. Only with the understanding that this isn't a pattern. Which I found interesting seeing as how I've been there 6 1/2 years and have never made such a request before. But okee dokee. She's normally pretty cool, so I didn't tried not to be too offended.

I'm finally starting to feel a little better. I can talk w/o gagging. I can swallow w/o grimacing. I might try to master eating w/o crying later.

I didn't get my beta back today, as I suspected. So.. tomorrow it is. I've actually had a few stretchy/painy feelings today. I'm convinced this is my extremely retroverted uterus inflating forward. Or it could be gas.

Oh yeah, and my boobs hurt but good today. I now wonder if they didn't hurt this bad for a few days now but I was taking so much Tylenol that I didn't realize it. Either way, I'm taking both as a good sign. Along with the incredible gag reflex I've had. Some of that is the strep throat, I'm sure. But when I poured my leftover pee out last night after the 2nd test, THAT made me gag. And we all know that I'm POAS-aholic. No way a little pee should gross me out. So I'm going with positive signs for strong pregnancy.

Speaking of POAS-aholic. A picture for posterity:



For the true pee-stick connoisseur, this photo was taken about 2 hours after the First Response was taken, so it is a little bit darker than it was at the actual test-check time.

On to the emotional front. I'm okay. I mean, I'm actually okay. I am worried, of course. I wouldn't be me if I wasn't. There's a little voice that says what if the tests are wrong. What if it's the trigger shot magically showing up now (even though I had a negative test at both 8dpo & 12dpo) and of course, the inevitable worries about the baby being okay. But I'm not sick with worry. Which, honestly, last time, I was almost immediately. Last time I was worried and had to remind myself to be positive.

This time I feel positive and am reminding myself to be a little worried. Sounds crazy, I know, but it's true. I do think there are signs that this is a stronger pregnancy than the last one, but I also think I know that no matter what, we'll be okay. We've already lived through hell. We'll be okay no matter what.

I haven't done some of the fool-hardy things that I did last time. Like sign up for baby-center & Huggies & tell my coworkers. (Yeah, I STILL am getting Huggies emails from my first pregnancy. There's no opt-out in them. Fuckers.) But my online support systems all know. And all my fellow barren bitches. My MIL and my dad know. So if the beta inexplicably comes back negative tomorrow, I still have a lot of untelling to do. But it's not like I haven't had to do worse before. I'll survive.

So please, keep praying for us. I'm not sure I'll really be breathing all the way until the baby is born, and then a whole new set of worries will set in. I could use the good mojo.

And thank all of you again. A "congratulations" is always nice, but particularly coming from one infertile to another.. it moves me.


--Trish