Saturday, December 17, 2011

2 1/2

I'm going to call it a good 2 1/2 days.

This morning I felt a little more anxious than I had, but it wasn't too bad. And most of the day was okay. Not as great as the last 2, but not terrible. Manageable.

Tonight, it came back. I got a headache and instantly my brain was convinced I was having a stroke. My blood pressure was a little up (not horrible, just not great) probably as a result of the anxiety, so you know, my brain turned on me. Nevermind the complete lack of other symptoms or the fact that the headache wasn't even very bad. Reason is not a factor here. They call it "intrusive thoughts." I call it "crazy."

I tried to my breathing exercises, then some actual exercise. It was just before Robbie's bedtime, so I got him to bed, fed Charlotte and then told David I was going to take a bath and read a bit. I hoped the combination of the bath and the distraction of reading would help. It did a little, but I still got out feeling what I can only describe as a slight sense of dread. Dread of what? Who the hell knows?

This is the way I used to feel before I'd have panic attacks. Like something bad was going to happen. No clue what, but something. And then the panic attacks would start. I really hope the lexapro keeps them at bay because they suck. Of course, even talking about that is making me more anxious. Nothing like being anxious about being anxious. I'm the picture of mental health, really.

Right now, I just hope tomorrow is better than tonight. I'll try to get some sleep, and David's going to try to get me out of the house as well. I'm hoping for a trip to Target and maybe even the grocery store. I'm a party animal, I know.

I don't feel as hopeless as I have. Even though tonight has been kinda crappy, I'm still way better than a week ago. And the fact that I had 2 good days in a row has been encouraging. Hopefully this is just a blip in the radar and things will generally continue to improve.

I'm now 5 weeks post-partum. Hoping that my hormones continue to regulate, too. Six weeks often seems to be a good point for that. Maybe this week will bring improvements from multiple areas.

Thanks for continues to root for me. This anxiety nonsense is horrid.



Anonymous said...

Just a blip! And you're going to have them as your hormones continue to go up and down. For me - I decided that even if the Celexa just took the edge off of the crazy anxiety I was having (and I couldn't eat either - dropped 15 pounds in like a month) - well even that would be better than nothing. And it did take the edge off - and more. I also know that feeling of being anxious about feeling anxious - fear of fear my therapist called it! It sucks to feel koo koo but you're doing great! Hang in there mama!

~ Alicia

A and W mom said...

(((HUGS))) I hope the blips get further apart and the good days happen more often. Love you!

A and W mom said...

(((HUGS))) I hope the blips get further apart and the good days happen more often. Love you!