Today wasn't like yesterday, I'm afraid. It was a rough night with about 2 hours of sleep, which I'm sure contributed. I spent most of the day feeling foggy, shaky, sad, and nervous. They are again working on the road in front of my house, using some sort of heavy equipment which literally makes my house shake. It's not a good combination.
I managed the kids okay by myself this morning, but honestly was just praying for nap time. When Robbie asked to go down for a nap 15 minutes earlier than usual, I could have cried with relief. Sign me up for mother of the year.
A friend visited briefly, and then the nanny came. God I was glad to see her. After she got here, I left her to wait for Robbie to wake up from his nap, I took my pill, and then Charlotte and I had a nap.
I woke up feeling a little groggy, and still shaky, but not awful. Most of the evening, I felt a low level of anxiety, but not the debilitating, skin-crawling version I usually get after sundown.
And then a surprising thing happened. Just after 8:30, it cleared. I stopped trembling and my head cleared. I was able to tuck Robbie into bed with a genuine smile instead of a forced one. It felt good.
I took advantage of the lucidity and accomplished a few household tasks. It felt good to feel useful. It's now just after midnight and I'm still doing okay. I don't know if I'll wake up feeling the same, but I'm enjoying these glimpses at normalcy. Hope is here. To stay?