Friday, July 11, 2008


Just a quick post tonight. I'm so tired I can't hardly think straight.

I actually went back to bed after I got up to pump this morning. I was so tired. Of course, I woke up later and felt guilty about not being at the hospital.

I still had to do some business stuff at home. I called my boss to make arrangements for going back to work Monday.

I'm going back to the evening shift since that's what I was working when I left. I haven't quite decided if that's what I want to stay on or if I want to go to days. I think I'll try the week of evenings and see how it goes at the hospital.

I also informed them I'll need arrangments to allow me to pump. I had to call our disability department to do that. I think that's stupid, but whatever. Illinois has a breastfeeding protection act, so I'm not too worried about it.

Of course, I kept thinking about going back to work as a drove to the hospital. I cried the whole way there. Monday is not going to be a good day.

I know it's the most logical thing to do. Not only would we start using our savings right away and it would run out sooner, but if I work while Robbie's still in the hospital, that's just more time to put more money into our savings so I can be off even longer. But man, I hope they don't expect much out of me.

In any case, I got to the hospital and they were talking about moving Robbie to intermediate care. Basically, it out of the highest level of ICU care. That equates to being around the corner from where he is now.

Robbie's NICU girlfriend moved yesterday so I was excited. Both to "graduate" and to rejoin my NICU partner.

So I went around the corner to tell her that we were joining her and she said that she hates where she is. It's even more crowded there and she hated her nurse today. (I wouldn't have had her nurse, but it just added to her dissatisfaction with where she is.) It was also very bright there. The babies don't like the lights, so it troubled me.

When I went back to Robbie, I was asked if I WANTED to move. The pressure was almost too much for me. On the one hand, we want to graduate. But on the other... well..
I commented on how bright it is there and they said I could request the lights be turned off.
Finally I said we'd move.

A few minutes later they decided I wasn't moving. Basically because I'm at the hospital so much, they decided that we needed the extra room. I felt like maybe I should feel bad that my hours at the hospital were maybe "in the way" but I couldn't muster any guilt.

A few minutes after that, they decided we were moving- but somewhere else.

Then they decided that we weren't again.

It's a good thing I really didn't care either way. One of the RTs commented that it was a good thing I'd been around a while and not a newbie wondering WTF was going on.


We ended up staying where we were.

Robbie had a decent enough day, overall. They put him back onto the nasal cannula today. He's having some nose problems (his septum was bleeding. Poor little guy.) from the CPAP (he fights it so bad!) and decided that it really hadn't improved things much and he's so much happier on the cannula that they'd give it another try.

It wasn't a great kangaroo, though. I held him for close to 3 hour, but he really only slept about 20 minutes. The rest of the time, he'd doze off and wake up and squirm. They actually had to turn his oxygen UP while he was being held. Usually it can be turned way down. He was just fussy.

He wasn't breathing really great. Usually even when he has apnea, it's steady breathing and then he stops. Today he just never got to steady breathing. Up and down, up and down..

The RT that I mentioned yesterday came by to talk about his cannula and I told her how he was doing. I'd already discussed it with his nurse. (Do I sound like an obsessive mom yet? Because I'm pretty sure I crossed a new line yesterday. Thank God they seem to value my opinion.) She said they would keep a close eye on him. They can still his air volume up to the next level. And they could put him on the CPAP for a few hours a day. She was going to see if she could find a mask that doesn't go up his nose to avoid irritating his septum anymore.

After he went back to bed, he went down on his oxygen needs again (told you. Bad kangaroo day.) and seemed to do better again.

He had a run of three bradys in a row tonight and scared me, but his night nurse added a rolled up cloth under his chest to change the position he was in and it seemed to help. When I left, he was doing well.

I just checked with his nurse and he gained 12 grams today. The doc would prefer he gain 30 a day, is okay with 20, and says he'll accept 15. So it's not a GREAT gain, but at least it's a gain. He's had 2 more bradys since I left (3 hours ago) but he's doing okay now.

We'll see what the morning brings. I see my OB for my 6w post partum check tomorrow, so I'll go to the hospital after I'm done there. I should be there for rounds. We'll see what the doc thinks.

Off to bed.



Heather said...

I don't think you're obsessive. I think you just know your baby as you would if he was home with you. Even though he's in the hospital, he's still your baby and not theirs. I say this from experience. I remember the feeling.

Going back to work is a good idea. It will help you hold onto your savings and keep you busy for a portion of the day. Are you working close to where Robbie is or will it be a long commute to visit him?

Amy said...

Wow, it's been six weeks already? I feel like it's flown! Can't believe you're going back to work Monday already. I'll pray you have strength for balancing hospital visits AND Work. I can only imagine how hard it will be to have less time with Robbie, but hopefully you can take lots of time off when he comes home. And congrats on him being considered to move around the corner! :)

Spork Fashion said...

You should NEVER feel guilty about being with your child.

Well, maybe on his honeymoon. Don't want to be that crazy mom that P&E snarks at lol.

Sounds like it is for the best that he stays in NICU a little longer. I mean, it's nice to graduate, but it also sounds like he is getting more personalized care in NICU