There aren't words.
It was amazing. He's been having a little trouble remembering to breathe tonight so I wasn't sure they were going to let me hold him. They weren't sure how long he'd last. I didn't care if it was 2 minutes.
In the end, we made it almost an hour. He fussed at me once or twice. He cooed at me and made happy squeaky noises. While I was holding him, his nurse "fed" him. (pushed some of my milk through his tube) He managed to work his hand up to his mouth and chew on the end of his thumb a little. He got the hiccups. I talked to him, sang to him, cried.
In the end, he maybe got a little too relaxed and forgot to breathe. I nudged his chin to wake him up and he started again, but then he did it again a few minutes later, so they took him from me. But it's okay. It happens. I suspect that he'll be back on the vent in the morning, but he's been off since 9 this morning, so he's gotten some breathing exercise in. He wasn't supposed to have to do all this work for another 3 months. I think he deserves the personal trainer.
I love him. I'm overwhelmed with it. I am fulfilled.