Thursday, June 12, 2008


I feel so out of sorts again. Overwhelmed, I guess.
It seems like the more I learn, the more I have to worry about. I'm trying to focus on one day at a time. But I read about brain bleeds found at subsequent ultrasounds, disabilities, eyes problems, CP etc etc.. There's just so much to worry about. We all know I'm a world class worrier as it is. And these aren't irrational worries. These are real ones.

It's amazing to me that there are SO many preemie families out there going through all of this every day. I suppose the resilience of people never ceases to amaze me- again.

There are more immediate things to worry about. I really don't know what to do about work. We can't afford for me to stay home with no income for very long. Do I go back to work when my maternity leave is up after 6 weeks? Robbie will still be in the NICU but hopefully getting to the point of learning things like how to eat and such. I feel like I NEED to be there. But if we can afford for me to stay home maybe 2 or 3 months w/o pay, that sends me back to work about the time Robbie comes home. Then I REALLY need to be home.

I've cut out as much as I can bill wise. But essentially our mortgage, car payments, utilities & just basic payments are David's paychecks. The still leaves food and house expenses.. and let's be frank.. sometimes we're going to have to buy clothes, take the pets to the vet, and we might actually want to do something fun once in a while. I need an income.

We had planned to move next year. David is the economic developer for a city on the other side of St. Louis. We planned to move there.. housing is cheaper. We were planning on buying a cheaper house than what we have and hopefully reducing our expenses enough for me to stay home. We even talked briefly about moving that date up, but the idea of getting our house ready to sell and actually selling it now while we're dealing with Robbie in the hospital and everything.. well, there are only so many hours in the day. So we will just do our best to scrape by.

I really do believe the things tend to work out eventually. It may be ugly for a while.. but we'll get there. But the day to day figuring it out.. it's stressful.

Like I said, there's just so much to worry about.



Osh said...

look at us both up in the wee morning doing what we do best...worrying.

seriously? said...

Wow you certainly have a lot to think about. Just wanted to mention (not sure if this is true for your state/disability plan) you might get 8 weeks because of the c-section. My friend got 12 because she had complications and couldn't sit for long periods of time. Talk to your doctor and your HR at work.

Amy said...

((((Trish)))) Yeah, that definitely is a lot on your mind. I hope what "seriously?" said is right. And can't you take up to 12 weeks under FMLA? Or is that unpaid? I so wish I could be there to help out! Praying for you guys.

Tracy said...

((big hugs))

Hang in there, sweetie.
Do the best you can.
Plan what you are able to.
Then let tomorrow worry about itself.

We're here for you.

Malloryn said...

That is really tough, Trish. Of course you'll want to be with Robbie when he's home. Things will work out somehow, even if you can't see it yet.

kjames106 said...

My only advice to you is to think really positively. It's all going to work out, and you know why, because you have God in your life! You are in my prayers. Oh, and I can't wait to see more pics of that cutie!

Leah said...

Praying for you and your family. That's my only answer to everything pray. I hope you can get more paid time off.

Kim said...

I know that you have a lot on your mind :O(.

Would your job consider allowing you to do a part-time schedule at a reduced salary for a while? That would give you more time to visit at the NICU, but you would still have some income. Are your BP issues considered resolved, or could you go out on short or long-term disability (either through your company or through your state)?

Heather said...

I had the same problem. I went back to work four weeks after my c-section with the intention of using the other four weeks of my maternity leave once my baby was released from the NICU. My HR allowed me to work part time until she came home. Talk to your HR - you never know what they will be able to do for you.

Valerie said...

Hang in there, girl. Leave it in God's hands as much as you can.

Alyse said...

I will be keeping my eyes open for side work you can do from home. It often doesn't pay much, but every little bit helps!